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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To wonder when family holidays will stop being shit?

164 replies

AllesAusLiebe · 13/09/2019 19:07

A little context. . . Currently in Mallorca with DH, DS (1) and my parents. DS has been a nightmare since the wheels of the plane touched the tarmac. Hasn't stopped crying, complaining, whining etc and nothing we do seems to make any difference.

He's very overtired since he refuses to sleep in the buggy for longer than about 20 minutes. Our evenings are spent sitting on the balcony (that's fine - I anticipated this) but only after a 40 minute to 1 hour battle to get him to sleep.

Mealtimes are horrible and my parents are completely bewildered as to why their grandson refuses to sit and eat with us as a family. I think they probably blame me, but at home I'm very strict with sitting down to eat as a family and he does this successfully 90% of the time. Here, it's a different story and every single time either DH or I have to remove DS from the restaurant then swap over like a tag team.

So, how many years have I got before it gets better? Does anyone actually enjoy holidays with small children, or am I a complete anomaly?!

OP posts:
Mrscog · 13/09/2019 19:09

When they’re 3.5 onwards. Before that it’s same shit different place! And 1 is a very bad age for a holiday - old enough to notice all the disruption but too young to deal with it/express emotion.

Newmumma83 · 13/09/2019 19:12

He is in a different environment, different tasting food and restaurant eating is a lot more distracting and let’s face it boring for a child then at home as adults linger for longer... he is unsettled he may get better in a few days

I used to holiday with my friend and her daughter up-to the age of 4 years and we just ate early and quickly.... she wasn’t bad as long as we didn’t faff.

She was improved a lot from 2 years to four years old but all kids are different give him a couple of days to settle before ... different bed as well is a big thing I struggle as a adult to Sleep in any bed bar my own .

Worst case it gets better when he goes to uni and you holiday alone ? 😬 ... send hubby to get you some wine and enjoy your balcony xx

Babyfg · 13/09/2019 19:14

it depends. Maybe your expectations are too high. We took my two children on a city break (they were 20 months and 4 months at the time ) and it was pure stress. However this year we did a caravan camp holiday (they're 3and 1 now) and it was amazing. They had room to run free and there was no time restraints. everywhere we went was child friendly so we could sit on the side and enjoy a coffee or an ice cream.
I think the fact that there's a lot of other families there makes me feel less stressed that mine are playing up or sitting nicely etc.
I think on the city break it was a grown ups holiday really so we were on a losing battle expecting them to sit nicely at restaurants and museums etc. I honestly don't know how we believed it would be nice with little ones.
And sometimes I think we expect holidays to be relaxing so when they're not it feels ten tones worse than if we were at home.

MinisterforCheekyFuckery · 13/09/2019 19:15

When they’re 3.5 onwards

Exactly what I was going to say. Then it's genuinely delightful. But before that it's just all the usual drudgery, without the convenience of being in your own home.

DrinkSangriaInThePark · 13/09/2019 19:18

Oh gosh yes, that's totally normal! We didn't bring our twins away until they were 2 and a half but even then there were no relaxing meals out! We used to order a bottle of wine and some food and then take it in turns to walk up and down the street looking at stuff while the other parent tried to chill for about 10 minutes. Actually I lie, it was mostly my husband doing the walking while i skulled the wine Blush

Then back to the apartment to sit on the balcony with plenty of wine and the baby monitor plugged in!

The heat gets to them too...ours had a really cranky holiday at 3 and a half due to the heat but since then our holidays have been brilliant, for the last 9 years! There is hope, I promise!

Original poster
AllesAusLiebe · 13/09/2019 19:18

Mrscog that's a much better prognosis than I thought. I can cope with a couple of holiday-free years, no problem at all! Smile

Newmumma83 yeah, I do feel as though it's all a bit too much for him and am starting to feel guilty for dragging him away from all of his familiar stuff when he's clearly unsettled. Live and learn, I guess. Sad DH and I will probably just book Centre Parcs-esque weekends from now on until he's able to let us know what's going on.

OP posts:
beingchampion · 13/09/2019 19:18

Holidays when the kids were small were basically same shit with less space and less stuff. We just went to horrible Haven sites and rented big caravans with enough bedrooms.

Holidays got better - transatlantic, when they were 5/6. Bloody ace now, but sadly probably not many left as oldest is 14.

It's all a phase!!

SouthernComforts · 13/09/2019 19:18

As I always say: under one year then not again until they are eighteen Grin.

Dd is ok now at nearly 10 but seems to need a lot more reassurance to do anything independently on holiday. She's fine once she finds a kid to play with in the pool. Still spend a lot of the evening on the balcony!

Hoppinggreen · 13/09/2019 19:18

Self catering, forget hotels for a while.
Much more flexible and no sitting on the balcony after bedtime

Giraffesinscarves · 13/09/2019 19:20

This is why we haven't done an overseas holiday yet! too much like hard work for a massive amount of money. We have done UK holidays but even they were bloody hard work (wait till teething really kicks in!)

DD is now 3 and DS in 5 so we may venture abroad next year as starting to turn a corner.

Londonmummy66 · 13/09/2019 19:22

Holidays with tinies were hell until we found an amazing child friendly hotel - think 3 hours free childcare a day, baby listening in the evenings, baby sitters on tap if you needed them (extra cost though), loads of other parents with similar aged children, evening entertainment for children (right by the bar so all the parents could have a drink) and lots of soft play/playground areas on site.

PM me if you want the details - it saved my sanity.

2gorgeousboys · 13/09/2019 19:22

Family holidays are wonderful now. On our most recent 2 week holiday, I read 8 books and spent lots of time on a sun lounger - the boys are however 19 and 15 so you've got a while to wait!!

Amanduh · 13/09/2019 19:23

Love my holidays with my now 2 year old and have done since he was a baby. He basically does what we do, naps in the day, stays up late and we don’t have a routine. I wouldn’t battle to get him to sleep! We don’t have bedtimes and sitting on the balcony, he has a late nap and stays up with us, dancing at the entertainment, sits in buggy when tired, explores the old towns and watches the boats with us etc. Depends on the kids I guess, but hate it when people tell parents their holidays will be ‘same thing different place’ because ours have been sun, cocktail, swimming and dance filled, it’s certainly not true of everyone! All kids and families are different. I can’t wait for our next one!

Liverbird77 · 13/09/2019 19:23

My baby is 8 months and we are in menorca. He has been a dream the whole time, bless him, but it's me climbing the walls. Ten days with one in-law, followed by another week with the other, plus assorted family, in a different part of Spain next month. They are all lovely, but I don't feel like it's a holiday.

EdWinchester · 13/09/2019 19:24

We took ours away from 6 months.

Self-catering with your own pool is what I'd recommend.

Eat out at lunchtime, wear them out in the pool and then early dinner and bed for them. Then you can eat outside and relax in peace.

RiddleMeThis2018 · 13/09/2019 19:24

Mine are 5 and 6 now, and holidays have been super fun again (but not relaxing) for about 18 months. Before that, it just wasn’t worth spending the money (although we still did it.)

RuskBaby · 13/09/2019 19:27

If you are in a hotel and the restaurant is huge and noisy, then his mind will be blown! Our DD could not handle it but when we went out for dinner and sat outside in a calmer atmosphere she loved it. Don’t struggle to bed him down as PP said, take him out with you. If he gets tired he can crash in the buggy if not hopefully a lie in is on the cards. Relax your expectations and you will all enjoy it a lot more!

Icantthinkofanynewnames · 13/09/2019 19:29

He’s 1! Give him a chance!

hammeringinmyhead · 13/09/2019 19:29

We've just got back from a UK break with our 10 month old (who is admittedly very chilled out). We ate at 6, max 2 courses, and fast. Took a toy that clips to the high chair and had the car so he napped while we drove between places. We still were unable to get him to bed before 10pm and he refused the travel cot so slept in the pram.

So I think my advice is to stick to short UK breaks - if it's awful you can cut it short!

NotQuiteUsual · 13/09/2019 19:30

When you lower your standards and expectations to the lowest possible setting. Holidays can be fab at this age, but you have to accept from the start it won't be relaxing and it will revolve around them entirely.

georgialondon · 13/09/2019 19:31

The mistake was taking your parents

Dutchesss · 13/09/2019 19:32

He's a baby, you need to work round him.

FabLaura · 13/09/2019 19:33

I must say I'm not surprised at all you are having a rubbish time. You can't expect a 1 year old to have a good time abroad. I mean it's too hot, different food, more people and change of routine. You need to book into Haven where you'll actually have fun

costacostsalot · 13/09/2019 19:34

My advice to you would be to completely relax everything whilst you're away.
Let him eat what he wants when he wants, let him sleep wherever, let him eat rubbish for dinner if that gets him to eat etc etc
Things will quickly go back to normal once home.
It's a hard time with a 1 year old definitely. I hope he relaxes and you all get to have a lovely time

georgialondon · 13/09/2019 19:37

I can't recommend center parks enough for baby/toddler friendly breaks. It's so easy and relaxing.