To wonder when family holidays will stop being shit?

[AllesAusLiebe]

A little context. . . Currently in Mallorca with DH, DS (1) and my parents. DS has been a nightmare since the wheels of the plane touched the tarmac. Hasn't stopped crying, complaining, whining etc and nothing we do seems to make any difference.

He's very overtired since he refuses to sleep in the buggy for longer than about 20 minutes. Our evenings are spent sitting on the balcony (that's fine - I anticipated this) but only after a 40 minute to 1 hour battle to get him to sleep.

Mealtimes are horrible and my parents are completely bewildered as to why their grandson refuses to sit and eat with us as a family. I think they probably blame me, but at home I'm very strict with sitting down to eat as a family and he does this successfully 90% of the time. Here, it's a different story and every single time either DH or I have to remove DS from the restaurant then swap over like a tag team.

So, how many years have I got before it gets better? Does anyone actually enjoy holidays with small children, or am I a complete anomaly?!

We’re in Marbella right now with our 2-year-old and although it’s obviously very different to our pre-child holidays, it’s actually not been too bad so far. You need to lower your expectations way down and just accept that relaxing couple breaks are a thing of the past. My DD had a tantrum on the beach-front today and so many people told us ‘we’ve all been there’ as they passed by. Toddlers are hard work regardless of what country they are in!

I’ve found it helps to just go with the flow and not push a routine too much. Today DD didn’t nap till 4pm but we just let her sleep and then had a late dinner and put her to bed at 9:30. Appreciate this won’t work for every toddler but DD was delighted to be up later than usual.

We travel with the kids (now 3 and 8 but have gone overseas every year since before they were born, 2-3x per year without fail).
We do the following:

1. Self catering with a bedroom per child until it is fun for them to share.

1. Break up the day (usually around naps). We get out early, come back for a rest or read or nap, then head out for a swim or play. We always do things we like but break it up with things they like.

1. Bring grown up board games (Carcassonne, splendour) or cards to while away the evenings when the kids go down. And a bottle of the local plonk.

1. Plan routes around what they can handle. We love overnight trains as the kids enjoy them and sleep well on them. Hire cars a lot (we bring car seats).

1. Bring familiar things from home -a bowl, a spoon, a cup. And cook dinners with some familiar elements.

1. Restaurants are only for lunch and only at family friendly places.

They're my tips, FWIW. Xx

I suspect never. Last year we had a fantastic city break in Paris with the kids that was an absolute joy and I thought 'yes, DS (6)is now old enough for holidays' and this year we visited family and DD1 (11) was awful, we had a complete falling out one day her behaviour was so atrocious and every day she was more or less grumpy. Didn't help of course that DM was very critical and DD was extremely aware of it, we got home and had a lovely weekend. Why do we bother? So as soon as you get out of the baby stage you hit the preteen hormone stage which is, if anything, even worse.

I have to say when our two were younger (but older than the OP's DS) we accepted that holiday timings would be different from normal. We all napped in our room in the middle of the day when it was hot and the DCs stayed up later with us in the evening. But they were 6+ rather than 1.

I think when you have small kids you have to lower your expectations of your holiday a little. It is same old shit only harder than normal! We have a 3 year old and 2 year old so we've had a few years to accept our reality, we adjusted holidays accordingly (we camp in France). We do have fun on holiday, but the heat, different foods and just general different everything is tough for a small child (I mean my dad is 67 and still finds the food bit tough lol!).

From what our friends tell us, it gets much easier once the youngest hits about 5. You can do a lot more things together and they are obviously a little older, so it just gets easier generally speaking. It doesn't mean holidays are shit until then! We always make sure we have a holiday abroad every year, it is hard work and there is v little us husband and wife on holiday but in terms of just taking time out away from all the usual distractions to spend time with our children it's great.

Your family sound bonkers for thinking a 1 year old will sit nicely for a lovely meal. Doesn't work like that! You know when you want them to sit nicely they never do, I don't know why this would come as a surprise to them given they must have had small children once upon a time?! Maybe leave the parents/in laws at home next time!

Have you checked his ears? They may have popped when on the plane and are still hurting him.

hmmm it's a tough one. Holidays with toddlers are NOT fun. I thought we were over the worst but our most recent holiday was prob the worst one yet and they're 14 and 9. Haha.

I’ve done a few few holidays with babies and toddlers and I was surprised at how bad our recent one was for an 18 month old.

Wouldn’t sit in the high chair for long, went from eating every vegetable at home to much less got a tummy ache from constipation, too hot had to sit in A/C (ok admit 30 had been fine elsewhere but dry heat was worse).

I pondered the same question and will do it differently next year.

Shame your parents can’t take him for a walk for you one mealtime or evening

A 1 year old is into everything - so much easier to have them on holiday to explore new things than being stuck home!

I never understand people who find holidays harder, surely it's being home having to deal with the house, the chores, work, childcare and entertaining the kids that's a million times harder.

Admittedly the heat was a big factor and could be avoided but I read your list Frau and still thought nope - I have things in place at home to make it all easier though.

In the nicest possible way , if your parents aren't prepared to help out , they need to keep their bewilderment to them selves. The last thing you need in a stressful situation is feeling judged .
Not sure of your hotel eating arrangements but could you feed the baby an early tea about 5 ish, bath / milk / pjs then in the buggy for a stroll . Let them sleep in the buggy so adults can have a grown up meal at 8-9 pm ?

We did this with ds on holidays

We took our then 17 month old on holiday abroad last year. Biggest stress and waste of money ever! Sticking to the UK for a few years. Center Parcs is our favourite now.

We avoided going abroad for a good few years because I knew it would just be more stressful than it was worth. DS2 was particularly bad at age 1- always crying and whingeing.

You need somewhere like Bosinver in Cornwall. We went there for a good few years, best place ever with littlies. Extremely relaxing, it is multiple award winning and no wonder. Although it is expensive. We shared with GPs there and it worked well. We used to do picnic lunches when out and about and eat in every night with wine! Much easier.

If you MUST have nicer weather then as others have said, self catering on a nice gite complex in France (check temp averages for when you want go). Somewhere with a pool and games equipment shared between a few gites, clearly set up for families. Often they have English owners on site that have their own children, can provide trusted baby sitting if you want. They sometimes hold group BBQs etc or have little kids clubs and are very valuable in terms of giving advice on where to go when your baby gets an ear infection or something. We loved both our Bosinver holidays and our French gite ones. Nothing nicer than sitting with a glass of wine after the kids are in bed on a warm night while you’re on holiday, playing daft games with your OH or the GPs.

We are had our first AI in Tenerife this year, the kids are teens now. We had self1catered abroad for years mainly because of it being cheaper and because of allergies and fussy eating (dS2). Now he is quite a bit more adventurous I wanted to try an AI. It was bliss. They actually had their own hotel room next to ours. They went off on their own. They were delightful company and loved exploring the island. They loved the AI buffet and non alcoholic cocktails. They don’t do lying on a sunbed by the pool all day like we saw some families doing, so if that’s what you’re wanting then you may just need to adjust your expectations and pick a holiday to suit the personality of your child. Ours are “do-ers” so we made sure there was plenty to do at the hotel in terms of sports facilities, mini golf, places to walk to nearby etc. They have always been like this since babies, so our days at Bosinver were perfect when they were toddlers. Lots to do on site, new experiences, some great day trips out. Perfect!

Throw out that image you have in your mind of you sitting on a sunbed for hours drinking cocktails and reading a novel for hours on end. Those days are over for a while (unless you go away for a couple of days without your child) But you can still have enjoyable holidays with your little one, it’s just a different type of enjoyable.

The worst thing you can do is compare your DC to the perfect ones who love the pool, laugh and giggle all the time at every new experience , nap perfectly, love the sand, sea and heat and eat like an angel. I think those kids are few and far between. Tailor your holiday to the type that you think will suit your kid, and you’l have A much nicer holiday yourself!

The only harder time with a toddler is a long-ish flight. Manageable nowadays, but when they are old enough to want to explore but too young to sit still reading and so on, it's slightly harder. Completely worth it, but any flight longer than 4-5 hours is not relaxing for the parents!

Throw out that image you have in your mind of you sitting on a sunbed for hours drinking cocktails and reading a novel for hours on end.

as depressing as it is, some parents still do that - plonk the kids in a holiday club with complete strangers and do nothing for hours.

@FrauHaribo I wouldn't do it for hours on end but I don't think there's anything wrong with using a kids club for an hour or so if your kid wants to go and make some friends.

So what if they do?
Some people choose to use childcare so they can chill a bit on holiday.
Some holiday clubs are great and the children enjoy them.
And some people are judgy twats.

What everyone else said- 3.5
Until the judge do places they can roam free, and not long car journeys. Bluestone Center parcs etc all popular for a reason
We’ve done loads of holiday villages by first choice since then it’s kid focused and you can be as much in or out of all the organised fun as you like

if your kid wants to go and make some friends.
I am not sure many 1 or 2 year old really want to go and make friends

I find pathetic people who can't be bothered to plan a holiday as a family and can't be arsed to spend any time with their kids, but hey, each to their own. These sun beds have been paid for, must be used, or what's a holiday!

They got a bit easier for us when the children were in a kid's club or ski club they loved so were not with usf for some of the day!

Neilson for example are good. Children tend to adore it too so it's a win win.

Space to roam is the clincher - for a toddler. Where we went was water or hard / slippery surfaces eg marble / tile. Beach baking.

So next time wherever we go will have a grassy and / or shaded place to run - actually hadn’t factored this in before.

I always thought if other things like nice food and better than home feel.

I agree with @EdWinchester that’s exactly what we do. I can’t cope with the thought of a hotel! We do sometimes go out on an evening though and so far ours have been ok - but we do take them out to eat a lot at home. We did it pre baby and we’ve just carried on. Nowhere too full on just local family friendly restaurants and cafes or Wagamamas.

Was he teething? We had a pretty crappy week sleep wise in Scotland earlier on in the summer when my then 10 month old was teething and wouldn’t sleep and was fussy with his food. He was ok during the day tho. I suppose that’s the risk you take until all their teeth come in isn’t it.

Also if you do a villa with your parents you’ll find they’ll share the load a little. But they can’t help too much if you’re all in separate hotel rooms. We do villas or Air B&B with either set of Grandparents.