To wonder when family holidays will stop being shit?

[AllesAusLiebe]

A little context. . . Currently in Mallorca with DH, DS (1) and my parents. DS has been a nightmare since the wheels of the plane touched the tarmac. Hasn't stopped crying, complaining, whining etc and nothing we do seems to make any difference.

He's very overtired since he refuses to sleep in the buggy for longer than about 20 minutes. Our evenings are spent sitting on the balcony (that's fine - I anticipated this) but only after a 40 minute to 1 hour battle to get him to sleep.

Mealtimes are horrible and my parents are completely bewildered as to why their grandson refuses to sit and eat with us as a family. I think they probably blame me, but at home I'm very strict with sitting down to eat as a family and he does this successfully 90% of the time. Here, it's a different story and every single time either DH or I have to remove DS from the restaurant then swap over like a tag team.

So, how many years have I got before it gets better? Does anyone actually enjoy holidays with small children, or am I a complete anomaly?!

I actually really enjoyed holidays when my now teenage grumps were babies. Try not to stick to routine. Everything is different. Just go with the flow. On a evening one of us would feed the baby while the other was showering and getting ready, then the other would walk the baby outside in the pushchair while the other got ready. Then baby would be fast asleep, well fed and would sleep in the push chair quite happily while we had a relaxed meal in a restaurant. This worked 90% of the time!

This was usually after a lovely day together, we would have breakfast together, play in the pool, go to the beach, have lunch together, take a nap. Explore a bit of the area if the baby was not to grumpy, or just have some chill out time in the room with toys.... there were obviously some tears at times, and things don't always go to plan but I think the key is having no expectations and taking each day as it comes.

You can still go abroad but self catering is the best option so you can put the kids to bed and then enjoy your evening. Hotels and kids under 3 or 4 are tricky. They are more comfortable in a home style environment. We did Spain this year with a pool and 3 kids aged 2,3 and 6. It was perfect. Have a google of places suitable for toddlers, i have heard tots to travel are good.

We have one DS and go on holiday at least once a year with my parents. It definitely gets easier as they get older.
DS is now 7 and this year was the best yet.
He was no trouble at all on the journey(thank you iPad!) He can swim and read. He spent hours in the pool, sometimes playing alone while we watched from a sunlounger, sometimes with us and sometimes with friends he made on holiday.
He read whole books. He went to tennis, water play and pizza and movie nights. He charmed waitresses with good manners and did stickers when bored in restaurants.
Give it time and holidays will become relaxing again (unless you have more children!)

When you change your expectations and go with the flow more...

British food and NHS doctors!

of all the things I would NOT recommend about our country
And the weather! nothing wrong with a brit holiday, but people are very brave to gamble on the weather - I stick to the sun

This is why we haven't done holidays like that since DS (now 2.5) was born. We have travelled to visit family and friends in France, staying with family or booking self-catering places. He has never really napped in his pushchair at home so we didn't expect him to do so when we were away, we tried to stick roughly to the usual routine and allowed him to nap in his cot or in the car. Our "holidays" (it's really not what I used to think of as a holiday!) have been in the UK in self-catering accommodation, mostly with family but once just us at Center Parcs (we put him in the crèche for a few hours and probably should have used it more tbh because without family to help we didn't get much of a break).

Self catering is an absolute must IMO because it is less stressful to feed them at "home", obviously we still eat out sometimes but not every meal.

Now that DS is 2.5 we are thinking of being brave and trying a beach/pool type holiday but I am still going for self catering and will find somewhere with a kids club!

PS a friend goes to a place with accommodation that is right by the pool so she can sunbathe by the pool while her DD is napping just inside

We only holidayed in the uk with small kids. Mostly cottages or caravans as that was easiest and we had room to chill when they were in bed.

I only started taking them abroad when they were 10. Then they were company rather than responsibility. As teens and an adult they are def my company.

We did self catering for years and if we ate out we did it at lunchtime.

DD never slept in the buggy at bedtime, lunchtime naps no problem but never in the evening.

We went each year abroad and while she had her moments in general we always enjoyed the holidays.

Self catering, villa if you can do it. No doubt whatsoever.

3 and over.

I think it's easier self catering, but I have been to a couple of AI resorts with young kids, works very well if you accept that meals wont' be leisurely affairs!

It is different. My youngest is 1 and we had a brilliant hotel-abroad-holiday holiday this summer but in retrospect I think if I hadn’t already had 7 years getting used to holidaying with children I wouldn’t be viewing it as brilliant IYSWIM. (Definitely there were nights I had to wolf down my food and carry her out of the restaurant cos she wasn’t really coping!)

Kinder Hotels are great - basically as close as possible to having all your home comforts. I’m sure someone will disapprove of my kidscentricness on holiday - and believe me I make a demonstration of ‘everyone gets to choose something nice to do’ etc because it wouldn’t occur to my kids that I have desires of my own otherwise! - but I really think that if you pick something that’s easy and nice for them first, it’s much more relaxing for everyone.

We also camped twice this summer which was incredibly easy - camping with small children gets a bad rap I think, but basically I find my 1yo at her easiest when she’s outside with loads of open space and can just wander around, point at birds, eat whilst walking, not empty my kitchen cupboards and smear hummus on my walls etc.

I think with my first, the first really enjoyable holiday was Disneyland Paris at nearly-four, followed soon after by a first try at a kinder hotel (the latter just me and him - I was really daunted about that but it was the best holiday!). But we hadn’t really tried at all between 18months and then, largely because money but also because the one at 18months was quite tough, in I think a similar way to you’re describing.

Are you in a villa or hotel? We went away with DD (2) to Mallorca this year and last, but in a villa. She would never sleep in a buggy or anything. We just tried to stick to her usual routine of naps and bedtime as much as possible (all in the cot) so that she didn’t get overtired. That was fine in the villa though as we could be by the pool with the monitor. We tended not to eat out for dinner as she would be too tired by then, but often went out for lunch.

That said, this year at age 2 was far easier and more fun than last year! Even better though was our holiday to Cornwall last week. Just felt easier and more relaxed, despite some pretty heavy rain!

Oh bless you. I remember this so well, the endless struggle to get them to Just. Bloody.Sleep.Long.Enough.For.Me.To.Have.A.Sodding.Glass.Of.Wine.In.Peace.

Our DS is 12 now but to be honest, it's been a good 5 years where he's been no bother. There was a stage where he wanted to toddle everywhere and a falling incident that resulted in stitches ,then a stage where he wasn't quite old enough to last a late evening so they were cut short. But now, it's fine.

So, even though it won't help right this second, it will get better.

Do you have any sort of informal rota, so everyone has a break at some point? Especially you!

I think the problem here is you've gone on an adult holiday (wanting to sit around chatting in restaurant etc regularly) and for some reason the adults have expected a very young baby to just fit in with it!
1 is still so young, he'll be uncertain about so much unfamiliar stuff, sights, sounds, smell, weather... He would struggle to process it even if your party had been more prepared and it was a very small child friendly hol you'd planned.
He sounds miserable, you sound miserable, but the only mistake here is you (all) not realising that your expectations are just out of kilter.

Frankly,your parents should have known better. You, I'm sure, will learn from it , but it's a but unfair placing such hol pressure on you and DH really.

From school age onwards, much much better

@Londonmummy66 it won't let me PM you but I'd love to know the name of the resort please.

We had low key holidays and made it all very kid friendly, so U.K. for no extreme temperatures, simple beach holiday in places like swanage. Self catering and only eating out at lunchtime to avoid “ the witching hour” that my kids certainly did if an evening.
Stay in and let the in-laws cook , or let them look after the kids while you cook.

We also had a family policy every time we went away, which we stated, and which our daughter got from a very young age.

You might not be enjoying what we’re doing right this minute ( eg going round the supermarket), but we promise that today at some stage everyone will get to do what they want to do - and stuck to it.

Husband takes child to beach in the afternoon, mum stays home, maybe has a siesta, listens to a talking book as she prepares dinner at her leisure in the garden, lovely dinner and wine and stunning views on terrace, child can watch a dvd inside if dc wants once they’ve eaten. Make your place your haven/ restaurant / beautiful view/ child friendly activities for grown ups and you’ve cracked it.

As another pp has suggested, could it be ear ache? Flights and swimming? Lying down makes the pain worse
If he’s generally a an easy going little one, I’d be thinking under the weather rather than the holiday.

We first dared holiday when ds was 5, and the other two not much younger. No way would we have done a "holiday" under 5 years old. It gets better, promise.

I'm so sorry it's a stress for you! We had our first family holiday (AI) when our DD was 15 months and she was a dream, we just got back from our holiday this year with the same DD who is now almost 2.5 year old and apart from a couple of usual tantrums she was again, pretty much a dream.

The reason we get this wonderful child on holiday is because we change things up on holiday and I've found that's the key....if she just wants to eat chips one dinner time then that's what she all have.

Another aspect is it's just her and the two of us, no one else, no grandparents etc so she has our full attention. I never need to resort to the trusty iPad or toys at a restaurant when she has our attention like this. I ALWAYS take something with me when others are there as adults want to chat so she doesn't have our attention and gets noisy and crazy!

We usually fight bedtime at home but we let her stay up on holidays as it works for us, she went to the little mini disco both years (was defo the youngest there last year!) but she then goes to sleep and even this year she asked to go to bed yay!

We found eating early was the key which meant the restaurant was quieter! Try a few evenings just you three and see if you find it easier away from the grandparents. Also holiday food is always a trial for little people and everyone is in the same boat.

How are you finding the daytime? As the above poster has said, do whatever makes life easier, if three portions of chocolate ice cream is it....then so be it! Ours had a LOT of slush puppies on holiday...but then I had a lot of booze 😊

Yeah, GP's are all the same, they expect some kind of perfect Italian family dinner scene with cherubic toddler eating happily under the sunshine and olive trees.

Instead it's total fucking chaos, kid won't eat anything and just screams and writhes around. They just look on and stare (they don't do anything, of course)

We have done Centre Parcs at age 14 months and taken the caravan to Starry Skies (ultra family friendly festival) at age 9 months with DS, who is now nearly 2.

They were both great as there was loads for him to do and self catering facilities with nice environments to sit at night next to lodge/caravan (you can do fire pits at both).

We wouldn't consider any other type of holiday until he's at least school age.

We take a really nice bag of very swanky food and booze for us and have lunches out with baba as they are easier or do picnics.

Its not our pre-baby type of holiday but it works for him and is ok for us. Cheap, saving money for decent holidays when he's older.