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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Soft play shit storm

236 replies

JazzyBBG · 13/09/2019 18:43

Name change for this... just because... but I promise I'm not a poo troll!

So met a friend at soft play for lunch today. Nearing the end of lunch almighty smell of shit. Turn around there is a lady behind us cleaning up her 3 year old nappy full of poo on the floor, a potty there and it's down his legs getting worse.

This is in the middle of the food area. There is a baby change less than 8 metres away.

So I stood up and said to her "do you mind this is disgusting people are eating"

Her reply;

"Don't be so damn judgy you dont know what's going on I didn't know it had poo in it"

(The kid had been waking around with a visibly full nappy for sometime whilst she ignored him)

Me "well it's disgusting there is a baby change here you shouldn't be doing it here"

Her

"Oh I suppose you're so damn perfect are you shaming people"

"Well I wouldn't do this"

I turned around and ignored her at that point.

This is disgusting right or am I in a parallel universe?

I don't really care if I shamed her she should be ashamed. As my friend said if there was an outbreak of food poisoning from the cafe they'd get the blame! There was no reason to do that there. There was no staff around at this point.
No doubt someone will say I should have helped her but I've had two of my own and never had the need to change them in he middle of a cafe!
I think she was possibly the grandma rather than the mum couldn't really tell. I actually feel sick thinking about it still.

OP posts:

TheFurryMenace · 13/09/2019 22:24

Can I just say I absolutely love the title of this thread

Bourbonbiccy · 13/09/2019 22:25

My image is less dramatic though and just to one side/out the way of an aisle to have a quick wee, I don't see it as a problem if it helps get them out of nappies.
I know I'm in the minority of thinking this way, but it just not a big deal to me to get offended over.

justilou1 · 13/09/2019 22:25

I simply don’t understand the need to take bloody potties everywhere. I have seen people take them on planes and plop them down in the aisle and even the toddler looks mortified. Ffs!!! There is nowhere to go, and what if there is sudden turbulance? Eeeeew!!!

Bourbonbiccy · 13/09/2019 22:30

I have seen people take them on planes and plop them down in the aisle and even the toddler looks mortified. Ffs!!

But surely if the toddler is old enough to look mortified, it's old enough to be toilet trained so it should be the parent who looks mortified.

Nicknacky · 13/09/2019 22:31

No parent should be taking a potty to the supermarket. The rest of us manage.

HeadintheiClouds · 13/09/2019 22:31

Why not do it in a toilet cubicle? . Toilet training is not just about not doing it in your pants, it’s about learning to hold on until there’s an appropriate place to pee in.
They’ll learn this a hell of a lot slower when a potty is immediately whipped out regardless of location.

Bourbonbiccy · 13/09/2019 22:31

But surely if the toddler is old enough to look mortified, it's old enough to be toilet trained so it should be the parent who looks mortified.
Obviously I mean excluding SN or special circumstances

HeadintheiClouds · 13/09/2019 22:32

Stop justifying supermarket peeing...

westcountrychicken · 13/09/2019 22:37

Are you sure the child didn't remove the nappy to use the potty urgently and had shit go everywhere? Yes it's a bit gross but potty training is fucking awful and the woman was elbow deep in shit and you start telling her it's gross.

vanillaicedtea · 13/09/2019 22:37

A potty in the middle of a supermarket is unnecessary and just screams 'I'm more important than everyone else'. I'm a huge advocate for every woman for themselves and doing what they need to do for the safety and happiness of themselves/their child, but this is ridiculous. No one needs to see it, and it's just a weird thing to subject your child to. Toileting needs to remain private. For everyone's benefit.

Surely if you kept whipping out a potty in a public space, your kid would take a lot longer to realise they need to exclusively use the bathroom to pee/poo in? You also don't know what creeps are lurking around.

Bourbonbiccy · 13/09/2019 22:39

Why not do it in a toilet cubicle? . Toilet training is not just about not doing it in your pants, it’s about learning to hold on until there’s an appropriate place to pee in.
They’ll learn this a hell of a lot slower when a potty is immediately whipped out regardless of location.

Yes, my post said in the first few days of training not as a constant, it's exactly about learning the appropriate place to wee, which in the first few days is the potty, not your nappy, So surely they will learn quicker that your wee goes in the potty, if it's consistent for the first few days as they are learning to hold it until the toilet, not just oh do it in your nappy if we can't make it.

vanillaicedtea · 13/09/2019 22:40

@westcountrychicken

The child very well could have removed their nappy, but OP stated that the child's nappy was bursting full to begin with, and for quite some time. The parent should have noticed the huge nappy and dealt with it earlier, privately, rather than literally putting on a shit show for everyone to see. If she didn't notice, then she clearly wasn't doing a very good job at keeping an eye on her child (another pet peeve of mine but I'll refrain from ranting about it again!)

Ridiclious · 13/09/2019 22:42

I was at a kids birthday party the other week and a mum walked from one end of the party room to the other to empty the potty TWICE. I absolutely do not know why parents don't take their kids to the potty in a toilet cubicle?? You're going to have to take it there to clean it anyway! Give the kid some privacy. The first was a wee and a full one at that. The second was a stinky shit that stunk out the hall where the party was. 2 big disabled sized toilets in this venue so plenty of space for a potty! I have literally never let my kid go on the potty in public.

SD1978 · 13/09/2019 22:56

Woman was in the wrong from the outset for me- it's not acceptable to whip out a potty in a food area, whether it's a soft play food area or the ritz so your toddler can piss in public because they are potty training. If you can't go to the toilet with them when needed because of other kids- then you should be rethinking where you're going. The child had a nappy in- so wasn't going to wet/crap through clothes, so even less justification, not that there is any, for finding it acceptable they were about to pee or defecate in public. This child centric 'right' some people now have, is as bad as the adult centric 'right' we used to see where children were expected to behave in a way they probably could not maintain juts to keep adults happy......now it's turned for some Igor at gits and totally unacceptable behaviour should be accepted because you're being 'judgey' 'perfect parents' etc if you don't jump up and revel in shitty, ignorant parenting.

PEkithelp · 13/09/2019 23:29

I would have asked if there was anything I could do to help or smiled in a ‘we’ve all had these ground swallow me up moment”
‘ kinda way. I don’t understand people who act like everyone is doing things just to annoy them. She clearly was having a (literally) shit day. Why make it worse?

Venger · 13/09/2019 23:30

Yes, my post said in the first few days of training not as a constant

I have potty trained four children and have never, ever needed to have a potty with me, not even in the first few days.

For the first few days of potty training we stick close to home, usually start on a Friday so we can stay home all weekend. We might go out the local park (walking distance) or for a walk along the beach (also walking distance). Food shopping gets booked for home delivery or one of us goes and the other stays home with the potty training DC.

After a day or two, when they're reliably hitting the potty or toilet, then we start venturing out. If they need the toilet while out then we find a toilet. If it's been a while since their last toilet trip and I suspect they may be about to do a sudden flip from zero to utterly desperate then I pre-empt it by taking them to the loo for a "try".

If a child cannot reliably hold it for the few minutes needed to find a toilet then they are either not ready for potty training or are not ready to be out of nappies when away from home (and by 'reliably' I mean that they would be able to hold it most times, some accidents are inevitable when potty training but these should be in the minority and the majority of time they should be successfully using the toilet/potty).

If you must use a potty while out and about then it should be used somewhere private. In an aisle at the supermarket is not that place.

SD1978 · 13/09/2019 23:39

@PEkithelp - but the potty shows intent- as does dripping the kid in a food area. I agree with you and on some occasions absolutely- and have done. This one I could t get behind to support I don't think.

Tigger001 · 13/09/2019 23:43

I completely agree with PEkit this woman was obviously having a tough time, yes she was wrong but highlighting it to everyone just seems cruel....yes, yes she was wrong but we have all made a wrong decision once.

Yeah agree with everything PP said about potty training, but again, it doesn't bother me if someone did take a potty with them for a few trips better that than kids too old still in nappies at 3 and 4 years old. Talk about dignity!! Letting a child that old sit in their own toilet, now that's wrong.

I trained mine without taking a potty out, but some people need to do things differently to achieve their goal. If they need a bloomin potty with them, let them, goodness sake people need to chill out.

HeadintheiClouds · 13/09/2019 23:45

Highlighting it to everyone?! Do you think if op hadn’t mentioned it nobody would have noticed? 🤣🤣🤣

HeadintheiClouds · 13/09/2019 23:46

And no, Tigger, people do not need to chill out about shit, literal shit in the cafe area. Get away with you.

Grandmi · 13/09/2019 23:52

Agree with tigger..just be kind ! 24 years ago my son massively exploded in Mac Donald’s and I had to go to M and S to get him a change of clothes ...such is life..relax !!!

Tigger001 · 13/09/2019 23:58

I didnt say others wouldn't have noticed

I said the OP didnt have to highlight it, the fact that everyone else would have noticed it, is all the more reason not to have embarrassed her, in an already rubbish situation.

Yes she was wrong to do it in a food area, but we have all had situations we would have handled differently. I personally wouldn't have felt the need to humiliate her.

Tigger001 · 14/09/2019 00:02

And no, Tigger, people do not need to chill out about shit, literal shit in the cafe area. Get away with you

Again I never said anything about a potty in a cafe, PP were talking about a supermarket.

And yes, if a wee in a potty in a supermarket gets you all worked up, I think maybe you should chill out.

passionfruit11 · 14/09/2019 00:04

I was in home bargains once and as I walked down the middle of the aisle there was the strongest smell of human shit. I looked round and a woman had pulled out a potty and the child was doing a poo. I heard her aggressively ask someone what they were looking at as I headed for the exit.

ThighThighOfthigh · 14/09/2019 00:12

It's not a good situation but not everything goes to plan when out with toddlers does it?

But who made you the shit police OP? There's no need to confront or call people out on things. Speak to management if you have a problem.

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