To be terrified of tearing during childbirth

[custarddonut]

Hi everyone, posting here for traffic.

Am 7 months pregnant and have always just assumed that I would opt for a vaginal birth, but it's dawning on me that there is a strong likelihood of some tearing. And I'm terrified! I'm not good with pain and the thought of a severe tear really freaks me out. My baby will hopefully be around 8lbs and I am of average build. But although I'm doing hypnobirthing I am still in a right panic about this. I realise childbirth is never going to be easy or pain free but I wondered if anyone could advise me how common tearing is, how likely is it that you'll get a severe tear (am 34 and first child) and how tough is the recovery? I don't for one second think that a c-section is an easier option but i am starting to seriously think about asking for one so as to avoid a tear, I feel like a c-section would offer more precision and control, though the recovery might be a lot tougher. Sorry if this is a bit garbled but I am really stressing out about it. Thank you in advance for any advice.

I’ve just had a vbac and had to be cut. The recovery from that was a million times easier than the recovery from the c section.

I tore forward as I have birth in my side but didn't notice.

To be fair you will be more concerned with getting the baby out in one piece at the time.

You can try doing perineal massage as it could hurt.

Help not hurt.

I felt way more in control with my vbac then I did when I had spesis after my c section.

I tore quite bad and honestly it hurt but I didn't actually know about it until the MW told me I needed stitches.

The stitches healed fine and honestly everything is as it was before. I don't have any issues or pain.

Try not to worry and listen to your MW if she tells you to do little pushes, they're trying to stop you tearing when they say that!

In all honesty by the point of tearing (I had small tears, then an episiotomy to avoid a bad tear) I was beyond caring. I just wanted the baby out. The recovery was fine, my scar got a tiny bit sore but it really wasnt as bad as I'd feared.

I can’t advice on how common etc but I’ve had two babies and been fine. First DC (6lb baby) I had a minor tear (4 stitches) and if I’m honest I didn’t know anything about it once I was stitched up. Recovery was fine. Second DC no tears at all and she was 8lb 10! 😱

I was told by midwife to only push on contractions to avoid tearing and I made sure I listened to them. They are great at helping you. With DC two I remember the midwife putting pressure on bits down there to help.

U can buy oil and massage the area now prior to birth to help soften the skin etc. I’ve not done it but a quick google wil prob give you some better information on it.

I honestly wouldn’t worry about it. Worst case ul need to take a jug of water to the loo when u wee for a week or so and sit on a ring cushion.

Good luck with the birth x

In my opinion you don’t feel the tear... you know cos there’s a baby hanging out of you.
Seriously though - I had labial tears rather then perineal and genuinely have had no problems. Toileting fine since an hour lost suture and every looks exactly the same!
I got a lot of ‘nothings the same down there again’ but for me it really is.
It will be the last thing in your mind once your labour starts. Good luck!

I'm pregnant and if I can avoid it I wont be having a vaginal birth. Sex hurts me most of the time let alone a baby head.

I had some tears and didn't even realise until the midwife told me. She let me keep my gas and air too (even though they numb the area) while she did my stitches so I didn't feel a thing.

They were a bit uncomfortable afterwards but not painful.

I had 2 babies and no tears. I think it’s very important to stop pushing at the particular stage the midwife tells you to stop pushing and pant instead, when the baby’s very close to being born (even though you feel like heaving the baby out to stop the pain!). I was terrified of a tear/being cut!

I had a second degree tear and it certainly stung but was not as painful as the contractions. I didn’t know about it until they said afterwards. You find an inner resilience to cope that you didn’t know you had! You’ll be fine.

I had episiotomies both times and I really didn't know they were happening. At that time I was too busy pushing the baby out - one of those experiences which doesn't leave room for thinking about anything else. Honestly, you won't know what's happening with your vagina, it's all a bit of a blur .

I had two vaginal births and didn’t need stitches either time. I had labial ‘grazes’ which were sore afterwards, but lavender oil in a bath was very soothing. I did perineal massage during both pregnancies so maybe that helped. The second time, I gave birth in water which may also have helped.

I do understand your fear, but once you are in labour, it will seem less important/scary.

Perennial massage can help apparently so try that, nothing to lose.

I had one 2nd degree tear and an episiotomy. Neither painful at the time as I had an epidural.

The episiotomy I was taking extra strong ibuprofen for a couple of weeks, I couldn't sit down other than on a breastfeeding cushion for a few weeks and it took about 12 weeks to fully heal. They cut to the side though so not much effect on going to the toilet.

The tear I had paracetamol for a few days and was fine after a few days, didnt really notice it after that and was healed in about 6 weeks. I tore downwards though and wet myself constantly for about 6 weeks.

Neither were pleasant at the time but I actually found the contractions worse than the tearing and don't look back on the tear / cut with any emotion really and the episiotomy didnt put me off having a second at all.

The unfortunate reality is that the majority of women will have some tearing, however I'm pretty sure the recovery from a c section is worse most of the time. The midwives and doctors should be able to stop a serious tear in most cases though by getting the baby out slowly or by doing s controlled cut

I had a bad tear. I had an epidural so no issues with them stitching it up although they did had to do an episiotomy to be able to fix it properly. I was just generally sore when recovering from giving birth, and have had no issues until now being pregnant again where I can feel a lot of pressure on the scar.

It hurts, but not as much as you would imagine. The recovery was much, much easier than recovery from a c section.

You won't feel the tear because the contractions hurt more. Focus on the midwife and do exactly as she says. And as others have said there may be some cream you can massage in first to soften the area although I wouldn't know if it is effective or not.

I’ve had a c section and a 4th degree tear, and I’d choose a c section anyday

There really is no answer here tbh. My c section was recovery was a million times easier than my 3rd degree tear. I'd take a c section over that any day.

You probably won't know as you'll be too busy pushing. Both my episiotomy and my tear (both needing stitches) healed quicker than expected. As pp said, you could try perineal massage.

I had an emergency Caesarean with my first baby and found the recovery incredibly straightforward. I'm pregnant with number 2 and have opted for ELCS this time. I don't like vaginal birth (having got most of the way there with my last baby). As you can see on this thread, some women do. Personally I'd opt for ELCS any day of the week, but it's a lot to do with what particular risks you're most concerned about. Why not ask your midwife if you can be referred to speak to an obstetrician about mode of delivery?

I had a third degree tear and didn’t feel a thing, FWIW.

I had a third degree tear with my first, I won't lie when the head was crowning it felt like someone holding a lighter down there it burned for a good ten minutes. I was stitched up and I was sore for a couple of days after but nothing to bad. Salt baths and pouring a jug of warm water down there when weeing helped. Are you having pain relief?

I had 4 babies and only tore once. All natural births except number 4 who was a medical induction and the only one I tore with. I didn't even know I'd tore until afterwards.