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AIBU?

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Original poster

To be terrified of tearing during childbirth

166 replies

custarddonut · 13/09/2019 10:27

Hi everyone, posting here for traffic.

Am 7 months pregnant and have always just assumed that I would opt for a vaginal birth, but it's dawning on me that there is a strong likelihood of some tearing. And I'm terrified! I'm not good with pain and the thought of a severe tear really freaks me out. My baby will hopefully be around 8lbs and I am of average build. But although I'm doing hypnobirthing I am still in a right panic about this. I realise childbirth is never going to be easy or pain free but I wondered if anyone could advise me how common tearing is, how likely is it that you'll get a severe tear (am 34 and first child) and how tough is the recovery? I don't for one second think that a c-section is an easier option but i am starting to seriously think about asking for one so as to avoid a tear, I feel like a c-section would offer more precision and control, though the recovery might be a lot tougher. Sorry if this is a bit garbled but I am really stressing out about it. Thank you in advance for any advice.

OP posts:
Morgan12 · 13/09/2019 13:15

My partner was allowed to come to theatre but the baby was also born in theatre. Not sure what would happen if baby was born then you needed to go to theatre afterwards. They would maybe want partner to stay with baby?

Branster · 13/09/2019 13:17

I don’t think you can predict this sort of thing.
My midwife said I’ll be fine with normal delivery. I had 3rd degree tear with a healthy size baby and had to have stitches in the theatre in the end. After episiotomy and ventouse. Honestly I did not feel the pain during birth or straight after. Everything healed perfectly well and apart from a very thin scar which is hardly visible there’s no difference in feel, shape or size down here. Recovery was about a couple of weeks but wasn’t horrendous. Lots of keggels should help. I refused to find out much about the actual birth process beforehand to avoid becoming scared so I didn’t know the concept of a tear during birth. I concentrated on looking after myself and learning about baby care during pregnancy as I figured the birth will happen anyway. Nobody read my birth plan so that was a waste of time.
However, hand on heart, if I knew then, what I know now, I would have 100% opted for planned Caesarian section. Baby was late 1 week and I developed stretch marks exactly 2 weeks before giving birth despite obsessively looking after my body and skin throughout the entire pregnancy with no expense spared and I exercised and cycled until my due date. No stretch marks history in my side of the family just unlucky and it pissed me off no end. Yes I am vein and proud of it.

Sneezewitch · 13/09/2019 13:22

I had one long second degree tear after pushing DS out in 15 minutes flat (was a bit of an emergency). It healed quickly but sex was sore for a while-am happily back in the saddle now though Grin

Try not to read too many scare stories-mumsnet can be wonderful but remember this is also where people come to share the things they can’t find anyone else to talk to about.

LittenKitten · 13/09/2019 13:27

This was my big fear too, but I didn’t have any tearing in either of my labours, just a graze. So it isn’t inevitable. My first baby was 7.9, second was 8.9

kenandbarbie · 13/09/2019 13:28

I didn't notice the tearing! It's the contractions that hurt.

Confrontayshunme · 13/09/2019 13:55

Two people I know with this extreme fear of tearing both had partners that made comments to them about "husband stitches" and the like and were very "demanding" that they resume sex very quickly after birth. AKA they were acting like total misogynistic knobs. If that is the case, please talk to a midwife about how you are feeling.

bbciii · 13/09/2019 13:55

Second degree tear along my episiotomy scar (2 babies within 2 years). It felt like a giant wasp was repeatedly stinging the side of my vagina, but the pain was over quite quickly. I was more concerned with pushing the baby out!

Mummyme87 · 13/09/2019 13:58

@MyCatDrinksFlatWhites my partner and baby came to theatre with me for tear repair. At my trust (where I work) this wasn’t the done thing but he changed in the last year.

leaserspottedmummybird · 13/09/2019 14:08

With dd1 I had a tiny tear that needed no intervention at all. I didn't even notice it. No tears with subsequent dc

Jent13c · 13/09/2019 14:13

@MyCatDrinksFlatWhites

I had an hour with my baby while they got placenta and then he had his first feed. After that I was taken to theatre which took about an hour while they weighed DS and got him dressed and then were taken to recovery. Daddy had some cuddles with him them by the time I got back he was desperate for another feed!

fuckingevaplinesagain · 13/09/2019 14:38

I had a 3rd degree tear and had to have a episiotomy

It was unpleasant and really sore but it’s not like it forever. I do have some problems with scar tissue down there but there was no way I was having a c section by choice as I have so much internal scarring already. At least I could move around even though I was sore.

TubaTwoLocusts · 13/09/2019 14:42

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Stephminx · 13/09/2019 14:52

My first was just under 7 lbs and I had a graze and a little tear. Just a couple of stitches.

My second was over 10 lbs. I had a third degree tear, but only just (i.e. I only needed one stitch in the third degree layer, it was more like a bad second degree). That one was stitched in theatre and needed a spinal block (although I didn't need one for the birth).

I felt no tearing either time, just general contraction pain and the second time I felt the "ring of fire" (although not the first). I had no drugs either, just gas and air. My stitches healed fine and I didn't even take the pain killers I was prescribed for healing the second tear. I was mobile immediately (second time once spinal wore off) and moved about with no bother. I personally wouldn't fancy the c section healing time, after pain etc... but I know others who've said that's fine.

There'll be a bit of pain either way. But I found it bearable and totally worth it.

Try not to worry and just go up through the levels of pain relief if/as you need it. My body just took over and did it. You'll be fine.

I would also second that you need to listen to your midwife as they'll guide you through to minimise any damage.

Marshmallow91 · 13/09/2019 14:55

I had my baby seven months ago now. Had an epidural and second degree tear. Used pads with aloe vera gel and witch hazel and never had any discomfort from it. Healed within a couple months and I haven't noticed any difference whatsoever.

Lana08 · 13/09/2019 15:02

We were separated. Husband went with baby and did skin to skin, dressed him etc.
I was in surgery and recovery for 5 hours so didn’t get to see either of them until I was wheeled up to the room(I burst into tears the minute I seen them)

On my c section I got to have my daughter on my chest the whole time after she came out. Between removing a large cyst and stitching me up which I didn’t notice at all because I was so in awe of her. it was nice to have that moment.

iano · 13/09/2019 15:02

Op I had a section with my first and opted for vbac this time. The possibility of tearing scared the shit out of me. I got myself an Epi-no. Best gadget ever!! It's a little balloon you blow up and slowly increase the size to 10cm then you try and 'push it out'. I didn't tear and found that the sensation of pushing the head out was kind of familiar. I know they are expensive but they sell on eBay second hand. You could stick a condom over it if you're concerned.

DrVonPatak · 13/09/2019 15:07

Almond oil daily massage of your perineum will take care of that, as it makes the tissue more flexible. Every single woman in my family swears by it. DSis just delivered a 9 pound niece without a single stitch. The instructions are on the internet.

Haworthia · 13/09/2019 15:10

It's a little balloon you blow up and slowly increase the size to 10cm then you try and 'push it out'

That. Sounds. Hideous.

And, I’ll be honest, weird and unsafe. There’s no way you’d have found me torturing my vagina like that in preparation for childbirth.

(Also would have been physically impossible with a massive bump and terrible SPD Grin)

KUGA · 13/09/2019 15:32

I had a massive tear and didnt feel a thing. Just bathed a lot in salt water. Dont worry.
And congratulations on forthcoming event.

BalloonSlayer · 13/09/2019 15:37

A second hand one! Oh! A thousand times ew.

IamWaggingBrenda · 13/09/2019 15:38

I’ve had both c-section and a VBAC, complete with tearing! The tearing REALLY wasn’t a big deal, all I felt was a sting and I’m no hero about pain. I barely noticed the tearing sting - my dr told me he had to stitch me up, and that is the first I was even aware there had been tearing. The recovery from a c-section took longer. The fact is, you’re recovering from surgery while looking after a newborn. There is still discomfort, as the incision heals, so don’t assume a c-section is somehow easier.

firstimemamma · 13/09/2019 15:41

I had a 2nd degree tear and honestly until the midwives informed me I had no idea I had torn! I had a water birth and would highly recommend this if poss. I had stitches and this was honestly ok.

I did struggle with the recovery but with lots of pain killers and cups of tea I was beginning to feel better after only a couple of weeks.

My top 2 recovery tips - pouring warm water down there as you wee to ease stinging and dabbing with wet wipes / intimate area wipes after using the toilet instead of wiping with loo roll for first couple of weeks.

You'll be fine Smile

Tippety · 13/09/2019 15:41

You might not tear anyhow, a c section is a definite incision though! I tore pretty badly, my uterus needed suturing as well, to be honest I was expecting it to be agony but it was fine. I took paracetamol for a few days and huge pants with a thick maternity pad and sprayed some 'spritz for bits' whenever I went to the loo, sat on a cushion and they healed okay. Now I wouldn't know id had them.

HJWT · 13/09/2019 15:43

@custarddonut as long as you LISTEN to the midwife (which isn't easy) and your baby doesn't get stuck/come out the wrong way you will be fine, they tell you to stop pushing to give yourself chance to stretched!

I remember the second the baby was out asking if I had torn and the midwife was like erm I don't know yet give me chance 😂

sweetkitty · 13/09/2019 15:51

With my first baby she came out with her hand up by her ear and I had a bad tear, she was only 6lbs 3ozs so all this scare talk about big babies can be nonsense. As others have said at that point you really don’t care you just want your baby out and tour so relieved and delighted when you see them you don’t care about the repair job and healing wasn’t too bad. Next baby was 9lbs 3ozs and I didn’t tear, third was 8lbs 5lbs didn’t tear, fourth I did tear he was 8lbs 5ozs too so there so rhyme or reason.

I know it’s hard but try not to focus or stress about it