To be terrified of tearing during childbirth

[custarddonut]

Hi everyone, posting here for traffic.

Am 7 months pregnant and have always just assumed that I would opt for a vaginal birth, but it's dawning on me that there is a strong likelihood of some tearing. And I'm terrified! I'm not good with pain and the thought of a severe tear really freaks me out. My baby will hopefully be around 8lbs and I am of average build. But although I'm doing hypnobirthing I am still in a right panic about this. I realise childbirth is never going to be easy or pain free but I wondered if anyone could advise me how common tearing is, how likely is it that you'll get a severe tear (am 34 and first child) and how tough is the recovery? I don't for one second think that a c-section is an easier option but i am starting to seriously think about asking for one so as to avoid a tear, I feel like a c-section would offer more precision and control, though the recovery might be a lot tougher. Sorry if this is a bit garbled but I am really stressing out about it. Thank you in advance for any advice.

Induced VBAC, had to be cut, on gas and air. Didn't feel it.

I had an episiotomy and 2nd degree tear. The recovery was surprisingly good and I too was scared about tearing in the run up. My baby was only 5lb 3 so god help me if she was any bigger!!

Also the absolute pure agony of contractions is far more painful than the pushing and I didn't feel any ring of fire.

Its all about the head circumference and speed of delivery that alters chances of tearing, from what I've come across. As well as, skin stretchability, and position.

I don't know if learning all this is helping you OP? Or making it worse?

Tearing is common and probably happens with most women, but with everything else going on you won't necessarily notice it or even be aware it's happened till later.

I had 2nd degree tears with both my babies and I didn't even know until I was having stitches after delivering. It does sting and hurt a bit afterwards with the stitches and you need to be especially careful with keeping the area clean but the recovery from a fairly normal tear will be far easier than a c section.

I had a VB and tore badly. They didn’t tell me and I only found out a few years later when ongoing pain made me go for a gynae referral, and I needed surgical reconstruction. I have never fully healed.

Second DC was EMCS. This was before I knew about the damage from DC1, but he went breech during labour and it was a lower risk option.

The quality of maternity care seems very variable, so if I had to do it again knowing what I know now, I would only have CS as the type of long term problems that might come from a CS seem preferable to me than those from VB injury.

Anyone would understand you wanting to have a cs in future

We could fill the thread with horror stories, but thankfully they are still in the minority.

I do apologise @Smotheroffive - I genuinely read it as “tiny fear”.

I still think that one needs to weigh up epidural as an intervention, vs fear of tearing which may stall labour and lead to a cascade of intervention more likely to lead to tearing and / or cutting or emcs. If the fear is so severe that it’s going to make a woman feel unable to push (through my work I’ve spoken to quite a few women in this situation and ended up in a much more serious situation) then the risk of assisted delivery or emcs increases.

All I said was that I personally would take the associated risk of an epidural if this was my main concern, if it would enable me to relax more and focus on the birth. As interventions go, epidurals are common and the risks need to be weighed up based on individual circumstances. Unfortunately fear, anxiety and phobia are not considered nearly enough when consulting with women on their individual birth plan, something I’m attempting to tackle in my role with my local CCG.

Fear will stop labour in its tracks.

Apology accepted, but Im glad you wrote that quote, because its stopped all the circling!

Labour cannot progress with fear, it naturally inhibits the chemical releases required for successful labour.

The more knowledgeable, safe, and relaxed a woman is, as well as fit and healthy of course, the vastly improved her chances of progessing well in labour without incident.

This is the purpose of nct and lemaze etc. Its proven to reduce incidence and medical intervention.

I'm glad you have your babies safe.

3 vaginal births, no tearing - perineal massage is amazing! After being present for many c/sections I wanted to do avoid one unless absolutely necessary.

I had a third degree tear which I didn’t feel because I had an epidural. Afterwards it did feel like i’d been kicked in the foof by a horse but it was copeable with and I was shopping in Tesco's (although feeling a bit delicate) a few days later...

I tore both times and didn’t feel it either time. The recovery was very easy. A few stitches (didn’t feel this either) which dissolved. I don’t even know where the tears were now, I have a stretch mark which bothers me more than the tears.

I had a small(ish) tear requiring stitches and an episiotomy. It didn’t hurt at the time, didn’t hurt healing up and is fine now. No problems weeing after or anything, was never in pain. No problems whatsoever.

I've got 2 children, didn't tear with either. I remember before I gave birth the first time a friend of mine told me she pushed as hard as she could rather than letting the baby birth slowly, the baby was out in 3 pushes, she was mm away from a 4th degree tear and took over 12 months to heal.

When I was pushing both times I was only giving 80% until the very end. I've no idea if that helped or not but I didn't do anything else other than listen to the midwife and both my children were a good weight. I think the speed of the birth as much as size of the baby predicts the amount you'll tear.

It's easy to say it but don't stress, you know the baby has to come out somehow, so it isn't worth worrying about what may or may not happen. I worried quite a bit in my first pregnancy having seen my friend go through it, but my experience was completely different, I was completely fine, no tears.

Good luck!

Not everyone tears - two labours, one extremely fast, and no tears here. Did do perineal massage first time. Try to only push when midwife tells you and also ask them to apply pressure to your perineum with a warm compress during crowning.

I do know a lot of women do tear, not dismissing your fear, I was terrified too first time. But just to offer different perspective.

@Haworthia
An epi no is not 'unsafe'
My MW recommended it in the presence of a doctor (had a high risk pregnancy). She wouldn't do that if it was unsafe.
The whole point is to stretch your perineum slowly. Didn't hurt or find it uncomfortable in the slightest.
Having confidence and knowing I'd done my best to prepare was 100% worth it. Anxiety stops labour in its tracks. Preparing physically and emotionally helped me.
If you prefer a different approach go for it. No need to call other people's choices 'weird'.