To be terrified of tearing during childbirth

[custarddonut]

Hi everyone, posting here for traffic.

Am 7 months pregnant and have always just assumed that I would opt for a vaginal birth, but it's dawning on me that there is a strong likelihood of some tearing. And I'm terrified! I'm not good with pain and the thought of a severe tear really freaks me out. My baby will hopefully be around 8lbs and I am of average build. But although I'm doing hypnobirthing I am still in a right panic about this. I realise childbirth is never going to be easy or pain free but I wondered if anyone could advise me how common tearing is, how likely is it that you'll get a severe tear (am 34 and first child) and how tough is the recovery? I don't for one second think that a c-section is an easier option but i am starting to seriously think about asking for one so as to avoid a tear, I feel like a c-section would offer more precision and control, though the recovery might be a lot tougher. Sorry if this is a bit garbled but I am really stressing out about it. Thank you in advance for any advice.

I'll be very honest with you.

You would be better tearing or being cut. You are stitched afterwards, you don't feel any of the tearing or if you are cut.

On all 5 of mine I tore or was cut bar one, tbh it was like a new vagina after the stitches, no looseness. On the one where I wasn't cut I was left so loose and I had terrible leakage.

I’m not sure what the statistics are for risk factors and tearing, but you can probably find some somewhere online? I do know that age and first baby raise the risk.

It’s a personal thing, I know that if I was at a high risk of a 3rd degree tear then I’d probably want an ELCS, ditto if I was at high risk of an EMCS or forceps. But then again I don’t know how convinced I’d be to have an ELCS if I knew I wanted more babies afterwards...

So yes I think it’s a personal decision and there’s a lot to consider!

3 kids, 3 SVD, no tears or grazes.

First labour was 51h, 2 hours pushing and very close to needing intervention.

My vagina was in tact but the rest of my was an absolute mess. Burst blood vessels in both eyes, pulled muscles in arms / shoulders / back where is was using bars as leverage to push.

Second and third labours much "easier"

Tearing was the one thing I was TERRIRFIED of before I gave birth to my eldest! In reality the whole thing was very painful (just had gas and air as it was very quick!) but I didn't feel the tearing (2nd) degree and healed fine quite quickly. 2nd birth was a c section and although I healed quickly I still have issues with pain when I exercise for days and it is almost a year later. Good luck!

It’s really no big deal. I’ve had two totally natural home births (no pain relief) and had a second degree tear each time. Honestly, I have no conscious memory of that bit being painful.

The contractions when you push ate quite intense and that’s the hardest bit. The actual crowning (and tearing) is like seconds and then it’s all over. Definitely not a big deal though I totally found the idea really freakish before I’d done it.

I don't know what your odds are but it's possible you won't tear. I had one tiny tear with my first which was left to heal and caused no issues and with my other two I didn't tear at all.

The people who I know who had the longest birth recoveries all had c sections. I would never choose a c section if you are lucky enough to be able to have a vaginal birth.

Try not to worry about it too much - easier said than done, I know.

I had an episiotomy with my first and it stung horribly despite the local anaesthetic (they didn't give it time to work). Being stitched afterwards was worse than the birth itself.
My second was a home birth and I tore along the epesiotomy scar, but I didn't even know until the midwife told me. It was a bit sore but it was all one with the general vaginal grazing that you get anyway. She said she rarely stitched tears as they heal well on their own, and she was right - it was a much better experience than the epesiotomy.
Good luck OP

First baby was an emergency caesarean, the recovery was so brutal I opted for a VBAC for second baby. I had a bad 2nd degree tear repaired in theatre, but the recovery was much easier than after my CS. I also wasn’t aware of tearing at all, just felt a whoosh of cold air as air hit bits of me that hadn’t been exposed to air before .
But honestly, both births were great, I live thinking about them, and I’d do it all again in a heartbeat.

I tore badly during my VBAC. Weirdly the bit that hurt most and for longest was the grazing rather than the tear

I didn't even realise that I had torn, I was just so fixed on getting him out, I really didn't notice.

I was then stitched but they gave me an injection to dull the pain, so again it was fine.

Honestly, once you are in the midst of the birth, you really won't care about much except getting baby out safely.

I opted for sections to avoid possible tearing, prolapse, instruments, incontinence etc. No regrets!

I had third degree tear with first baby. You will not notice the pain at the time ( I had no pain relief as everything was very fast). I had a spinal block afterwards to be stitched in theatre which was also fine. Recovery q painful but walking/sitting ok within a week & did not seem nearly as traumatic as some c section mums go through with infected wounds etc.
I've heard it's very common with first babies (but more likely grade 1-2 stitched by midwife bedside)
I guess try not to worry about something which may not happen & if it does, may be minor.

I tore twice (2nd degree) and didn’t really notice at the time!! It’s all fine though, you get stitched with the appropriate pain relief, and as long as you take care of yourself it heals quickly.

Twice as in two separate births

This is exactly why I’m glad I had a c section. I’ve known people choose a c section to avoid the risk of vaginal and anal damage. After tearing during birth my SIL shit herself for six months and needed multiple surgeries and physio to repair to the point where she could live a reasonably normal life again. Of course c sections don’t always go well! Mine left me with a numb stomach. But that’s better than incontinence.

In response to the suggestion of using the Epi-No device. It is NOT recommended by UK midwives/obstetricians, and doesn’t appear in NICE/RCOG guidelines due to research showing that it is unlikely to reduce perineal trauma. So this would be something that is used at the woman’s own risk.

Research shows - Antenatal use of the Epi-No(®) device is unlikely to be clinically beneficial in the prevention of intrapartum levator ani damage, or anal sphincter and perineal trauma.

www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/m/pubmed/26924418/

I think I'm going against the majority here but i had a 2nd degree tear and im 2 years on and its still not right. :( still hurts sometimes during sex depending on positioning. I had a problem with my stitches and had some sort of scar tissue that needed sorting but yeah, 2 years on and its still rubbish. :(

I was terrified of the same, not sure if it helps but I didn't even feel it happen and I'm not a 'ooh childbirth was magical' person. It wasn't, brace yourself. I also had an episiotomy, the scar is tiny and fading already (DS is nine months) and everything is completely back to normal. I was a bit sporadic with my pelvic floor exercises but my bladder control is fully back to normal and was after a few weeks and I had a problem free bowel movement 36 hours after birth, no pain, no crouching in the bath to pee etc. Have the drugs if you want them, I opted for gas and air and an epidural (which failed to take), you don't have to be a hero about it, getting the baby out is the only thing that matters, not how or if you did it in a field of corn while listening to whale music.

I had my DD in February, no tears, as others have said, listen to what the midwife is telling you in terms of little pushes etc. My friend had an horrendous tear because she pushed so hard to get her baby’s head out that his whole body came with it.

For me, the final contractions before pushing were the worst part, overall it was nowhere near as bad as I expected and I actually enjoyed it.

Just gave birth nearly two days ago. I was terrified of the recovery from stitches as well. I had a second degree tear but declined the stitches as after my firstborn the stitches took ages to heal. I use flow of warm water whilst weeing. Its not stinging any more.

I had birth to just short of a 9lb baby with no pain relief. I did not even know my episiotomy was happening pain wise, I just saw the scissors. Then they give you local anaesthetic for the stitches after. Although they forgot to inject me with one place but I thought ah fuck it, the stitches without anaesthetic can't hurt more than childbirth! You'll be fine OP. It is honestly the least of your concerns.

Recovery was fine. Sore for a couple of weeks getting up and down. First few days worth of pees stung. Much much easier than a c section.

*gave birth

My baby was nearly ten pounds and had to come out fast due to some complications I had a 2nd degree tear . Honestly after birth was tender but at the time of giving birth it was bearable and I speak as someone who can't even normally deal with having a cold . Hope that provides some reassurance that you will be okay .

Another vote for "been there, done that, and completely oblivious to it at the time"

Labour hurts. Fact. Whether you tear or not is almost irrelevant, you'll be oblivious to it all, and the doctors will do whatever is best. I honestly wouldn't worry.

I uad a drug free labour for 1st child and I got a 4th degree tear. I absolutely new I was ripping all the way up front to back... my privates were like the Spice Girls song 2 Become 1... it was incredibly painful. Afterwards I needed an epidural for several hours of surgery to sew everything back up. Baby was 8lb 10oz.

The thing is, my tear was my own fault. I pushed before I was ready. I was hurting so much from the contractions that had been going on for more than 24 hours, that I tried to force my baby out before we were ready. It never occurred to me to request medication to help with the pain. My midwife was very anti medical interference.

My experience left me with a too tight vagina that hurt when I had sex for a whole year. The scar tissue was so bad my other 2 kids had to be c sections.

Thing is, it didn't need to be that way. Make sure you are open to the possibility of an epidural. i told my sister to take whatever drugs were offered, it really doesn't have an impact on baby (i was on oxycodone and muscle relaxants for baby number 3 for a month while breast feeding, no difference between him and his siblings at that stage). My sister had an epidural and was texting me happily while crowning! Dr even told her to just lie back and let the baby move down the birth canal by itself for 20 mins before pushing. No way I could do that without pain meds! Her birtg experience was so much more relaxing and so she didn't get ptsd from it and isn't scared for her next pregnancy. My experience gave me postnatal depreasion for my second child because I was so scared the whole pregnancy.

And anyway, even with the horrible pain and mosery of that first birth... after I was out of theatre the pain faded fast. I was left feeling like super woman for surviving such extreme pain and giving birth.

Good luck. Hopefully you won't tear. But it really isn't a life ending experience.