Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be terrified of tearing during childbirth

166 replies

custarddonut · 13/09/2019 10:27

Hi everyone, posting here for traffic.

Am 7 months pregnant and have always just assumed that I would opt for a vaginal birth, but it's dawning on me that there is a strong likelihood of some tearing. And I'm terrified! I'm not good with pain and the thought of a severe tear really freaks me out. My baby will hopefully be around 8lbs and I am of average build. But although I'm doing hypnobirthing I am still in a right panic about this. I realise childbirth is never going to be easy or pain free but I wondered if anyone could advise me how common tearing is, how likely is it that you'll get a severe tear (am 34 and first child) and how tough is the recovery? I don't for one second think that a c-section is an easier option but i am starting to seriously think about asking for one so as to avoid a tear, I feel like a c-section would offer more precision and control, though the recovery might be a lot tougher. Sorry if this is a bit garbled but I am really stressing out about it. Thank you in advance for any advice.

OP posts:
CatsOnCatnip · 13/09/2019 11:34

I tore badly internally, 8lbs 3oz baby. There was no way of knowing that was going to happen or stopping it. I did have an epidural though, so wasn’t too aware of it and although it was very uncomfortable for a couple of weeks 7 months on it feels like a distant memory. (I used to sit on my U shaped pregnancy pillow turned upside down. That really helped Grin)

Smotheroffive · 13/09/2019 11:39

There's a safe time during pregnancy for starting on the raspberry leaf tea, important to know when that is if you decide to start. I cant recall now, but I can't imagine it would be before third trimester, do check.

PlinkPlink · 13/09/2019 11:44

I had 2nd degree tear and stitches. Didnt feel a thing.

Nurse did a fab job of sewing me up. She was mighty pleased with her work and got the other nurse to come over and agree (bizarre moment).

Seriously didnt feel the tear. At all. Had no idea I was torn until they mentioned it.

When baby's head is being born take it nice and slow. Listen to them when they say stop even though you will have the biggest urge to push. They are trying to minimise tearing when they do.

You most likely will not feel it at all. It's only later when you have to pee in the shower, post birth and stitches that you'll notice. Sitting is generally a bit sore and uncomfortable too so take it easy and get a nice squishy cushion to sit on (with maternity pads everywhere).

museumum · 13/09/2019 11:48

Small tear, only one or two stitches, it honestly didn't hurt, even with only G&A as pain relief. Didn't feel it really with all the adrenaline and excitement going on and it healed quickly and totally.

Jent13c · 13/09/2019 11:49

I had a 3rd degree tear, the crowning was pretty sore. I was taken to theatre after birth to be repaired which was actually good as they give you an epidural for that and then I fell asleep during it. The first night I was pretty tired and unable to get up due to epidural but by the next morning catheter was out and I was up getting a shower. I took diclofenac for about a week after was home on day 2 and out at sbux on day 5. There was no struggle with breastfeeding even though we were separated for an hour not long after birth (though we were together for an hour before I went to theatre and he had his first feed.

I have spoken to a lot of people about my birth and I've never met another person who has had a 3rd or 4th degree tear so it really cant be all that common. I do wish I had done the perianal massage before birth. Not giving birth on your back is supposed to really help (though didnt personally with me).

maternityleave234 · 13/09/2019 11:49

I had an epistomey both times, the first was due to forceps and a spinal in theatre, the 2nd was to assist babies head getting out with gas and air.

Neither recoveries were awful, I’m 2 weeks PP with the 2nd and my stitches have totally healed (within 5 or so days) and it all feels fine.
1st time around the stitches were a lot deeper but recovery was also fine so honestly don’t worry about it!

eeksville · 13/09/2019 11:51

Also one of the most amazing things I found about giving birth is that one second your are in incredible pain (didn't not have pain relief out of choice, I was indeed begging for it but baby was on its way) & the next minute it's completely gone & there's none of that lingering I've cut myself so it's throbbing or banged my toe & it stings after effects.

CaMePlaitPas · 13/09/2019 11:57

You may not even notice you've torn until afterwards and anyway you approach things down there so delicately after the birth... it really isn't something worth worrying about x

CaMePlaitPas · 13/09/2019 12:01

Also, depending on how hard core you are you can start massaging your perineum and trying to stretch your skin out from about 4 weeks before the due date.

DreamsOfWaves · 13/09/2019 12:04

I had a 3rd degree with my first following induction. I was absolutely petrified about birth and of tearing but, in the end, it was actually a fantastic experience and I wasn't in any way aware of the tearing. Having my baby taken away while I went to surgery for my stitches was rubbish but we were reunited after a couple of hours. Recovery was fine and here I am about to do it again. I was told by the consultant 7% of first time mums will have a 3rd/4th degree tear and this goes down to 3% for second labour. If you've had a 3rd/4th degree tear, this stays at 7%. Good luck, you'll be fine!

userabcname · 13/09/2019 12:08

I had a 3dt. I won't lie - it was painful and crowning felt like I was being ripped in half. Recovery was tough but got there in the end, took a good few months to feel normal and couldn't walk far/drive for about 8 weeks afterwards. Having an elective c section next month so will see how that goes!

Confusedbeetle · 13/09/2019 12:10

Please dont listen or read other peoples scare stories it wont help. Episiotomies used to be 100% routine 40 years ago and now are done less. Tears can happen but most women in the throes of crowning the baby's head ( which is strangley a moment of great achievement after labour) are not aware they have torn, although some on here have said they were. Your labour will be unique to you , Good midwives can often steady the pressure on the perineum to lessen the chances of a sudden surge. Please dont lose faith in having avaginal delivery. Dont read things that will frighten you. Fear is the greatest enemy of a positive birth experience

Mummyme87 · 13/09/2019 12:16

I had a CS first time and the pin was awful, especially when I developed an infection. I had a 3rd degree tear second time with my VBAC and yes the first 72hours was incredibly painful but regular ibuprofen and paracetamol, lavender baths and it was fine.

Perineal trauma occurs in 85% of vaginal births, 4-7% risk of 3rd/4th degree tears (higher risk with instrumental deliveries), episiotomies are not routine.

Blahblahblahnanana · 13/09/2019 12:29

Up to 9 in every 10 women will experience some sort of tear or graze.

Third or fourth degree tears, also known as an obstetric anal sphincter injury (OASI), can occur in 6 out of 100 births (6%) for first time mothers and less than 2 in 100 births (2%) of births for women who have had a baby before.

Further official information around tears and how do perform perineal massage can be found here:

www.rcog.org.uk/en/patients/tears/

Nelly325 · 13/09/2019 12:32

Please don't worry too much. I had to have an episiotomy due to forceps delivery and the recovery was tender but fine . Lots of herbal baths !!i would recommend an epidural though ( I didn't have one , but I 100% would if I give birth again )

Smotheroffive · 13/09/2019 12:43

I would never have an epidural! It introduces further risks, as do any interventions, and indeed fear, as a pp said.

Being fit and well, and doing perineal massage, will play a huge part, and some midwives have a far better outcome rate than others.

Lying on your back is the way every woman seems to be expected, or feel expected to deliver.

Its not great and involves pushing uphill, which apart from slowing things down can cause or aggravate back problems.

You can be standing, squatting, all fours, all have their benefits in delivering carefully at a managed speed, which helps avoid the tears.

There are things you can do, which the stats you read don't necessarily reflect, as many don't do them.

JuneSpoon · 13/09/2019 12:44

I tore a little, didn't notice at the time. I needed stitches which were uncomfortable to get in but I didn't notice subsequently. I just kept a squeezy bottle by the loo and squirted water on as I peed.

Giving birth was amazing!

Please read Ina May Gaskin's books if you haven't already. They're full of empowering positive birth stories.

Please also be aware that induction statistically leads to more interventions which can lead to a more "medicalized" birth

JuneSpoon · 13/09/2019 12:46

I should have said that an epidural (and/or) induction leads to more interventions...

BadBehaviour · 13/09/2019 12:46

I tore almost right through Shock honestly you don’t know you’ve torn (well I didn’t) until MW tells you. If you do tear make sure you drink lots of water or else it’ll sting, for me it healed rather quickly, like a few weeks which seems so long but you’ll be so busy with DC

Lana08 · 13/09/2019 12:54

Seems like I had the opposite to a lot of others. First birth(Son is now 2) I had a 36 hour completely natural birth which ended up in 4th degree tearing. I had to have surgery 10 minutes after baby was born with another two surgeries at 6 & 9 months. Took me a year to recover.

I had a c section 16 days ago on my daughter(I had to have this due to the damage on my son) and I had a calm experience and have recovered amazing well. I was up showering and walking within 8 hours and have had zero problems.

For me personally my natural birth was like a 9/10 in pain and recovery.
C section a 1/10. So easy I would do it again.

Everyone is different.

Fluffsmum · 13/09/2019 13:02

I've had a c section and an episiotomy. C section any day if the week! 8 months on I can't tell I've had it, where as I'm almost 4 years post episiotomy and it still causes me issues and pain.

MrsMonkeyBear · 13/09/2019 13:03

I had an episiotomy with DD1 and a second degree tear with DD2. The natural tear was far quicker to heal than the episiotomy.

I didn't notice the tear happening, only the horrible sting of DD2 crowning. It took 10 minutes to stitch me up and 5 minutes after that I was in the shower.

ThisHereMamaBear · 13/09/2019 13:09

I had a cut with no pain meds and i think you're just on such a surreal high that you dont feel it. Dh is probably scarred for life.

MyCatDrinksFlatWhites · 13/09/2019 13:12

For those of you who had to go to theatre to be stitched, were your baby and/or partner able to come with you or were you separated?

ChocChocButtons · 13/09/2019 13:12

My boss had a third degree tear, doesn’t google that!