To be terrified of tearing during childbirth

[custarddonut]

Hi everyone, posting here for traffic.

Am 7 months pregnant and have always just assumed that I would opt for a vaginal birth, but it's dawning on me that there is a strong likelihood of some tearing. And I'm terrified! I'm not good with pain and the thought of a severe tear really freaks me out. My baby will hopefully be around 8lbs and I am of average build. But although I'm doing hypnobirthing I am still in a right panic about this. I realise childbirth is never going to be easy or pain free but I wondered if anyone could advise me how common tearing is, how likely is it that you'll get a severe tear (am 34 and first child) and how tough is the recovery? I don't for one second think that a c-section is an easier option but i am starting to seriously think about asking for one so as to avoid a tear, I feel like a c-section would offer more precision and control, though the recovery might be a lot tougher. Sorry if this is a bit garbled but I am really stressing out about it. Thank you in advance for any advice.

Same as @Lardlizard, except mine was a 3rd degree. My ELCS was an absolute breeze in comparison.

ELCS is significantly safer for the baby than a VB too.

Hi OP. I didn’t tear at all with DS. Here is what I did (although can’t confirm 100% if it was just luck or not)

Perineal massage (google how to do it)
Drank raspberry leaf tea a few weeks before due date
Listened to everything the midwife said during delivery - when she told me to stop pushing so she could adjust his head I did. I hung off her every word.

My baby was fair small though as well - just over 6lb (and two weeks early)

To be honest, he worst part of post birth recovery for me were the piles! Ouch.

I had a 3rd degree tear with my first and a 4th degree with my second child.

They really weren't that bad. You don't notice what with the contractions and everything else.

It stung a bit after bit really wasn't a big problem.

Thanks so much for the responses everyone. I think I feel mostly reassured actually. I'd like all the pain relief I can get, and i don't want to say 'no' to anything right now if that makes sense. Everything is an option for me type thing. I'm due to speak to a consultant next week and will discuss options but it's good to hear a few replies along the lines of I'll be preoccupied with just delivering the baby rather than worrying about myself or tearing. None of my close friends have children so I haven't been able to ask people about this really. Thanks again.

I too was terrified about this. In the end, I had a bad tear and honestly I didn’t even notice it during the birth or afterwards! I was sore but no more than I expected to be and also healed well and wasn’t that much of a problem. Wish I’d never it spent so much time worrying about it honestly!

Large and small tears. I would be more worried about a very large belly incision and all the after pain and care of an op more.

Second, third and fourth the perineal massage, and keeping fit and good diet too.

Practice chinese burns, and you'll be prepared for crowning as thats all that feels like, and during the chinese burney feeling, it goes numb, so often women don't notice. Also at that point, its the point of delivery so its all very, oh can see babies head, and so on.

Contractions shouldn't hurt once your body starts pushing through them, and take it slowly. Some bodies push real hard and others need to push for themselves. Good midwives will try to pace you to keep you intact through delivery.

Its also pretty normal I think to start processing these kinds of thoughts in your third trimester.

Mine didn't hurt at all in recovery btw, and healed very well by themselves even the large one (2nd degree) as in, no stitches. They knitted together and disappeared very well.

I had a 2nd degree tear and ‘extensive’ vaginal tearing after giving birth. I didn’t even realise/felt I had torn until the midwife told me! I was numbed during the stitching so didn’t feel a thing. It was a bit sore for maybe eight weeks afterwards but nothing terrible. The first few wees after birth were quite sore but it passed quickly.

My baby is now six months old and I don’t have any pain and all looks normal down there! I was also terrified of tearing, but it actually wasn’t that bad at all. It’s also very very common to tear. Good luck!

Also I’d like to add that I found birth to be FAR less bad than expected and was so scared beforehand that I cried before being induced! I actually enjoyed birth and am quite looking forward to doing it again! It’s a really special and unique time. I just wanted to say that because weird and cringe as it sounds, I wish someone had told me while I was panicking and fretting beforehand! Lots of people have great birth experiences x

Advise to hold yourself when you toilet post birth, as the strength of labour and delivery can leave you feeling like everything's going to fall out!!

It really doesn't . But it really feels like it will!

custarddonut
It’s very normal to be apprehensive before labour. I think most women are - especially first time mums! And we all worry about different things - for me it was throwing up and the pain.
But afterwards, I reflected and while giving birth is tough - it wasn’t as bad as I thought it was going to be. You sound like you have an open mind too which is a great attitude to have!
And don’t forget, threads like this can eventually turn in to ‘bad experience top trumps’ so don’t feel disheartened if you get replies that seem terrifying!

Perineal massage with evening primrose oil
Drink raspberry leaf tea
After - Squirty bottle of water running on during pee or do first pee right before coming out of Bath
Hold your pad against you when you cough or sneeze.
Its a bit stingy and feels like you've been kicked but it's definitely bearable. You will feel like a ninja warrior by then though.

Perinal massage life help!
I also inserted evening primrose oil vaginally from 37 weeks.
Size of baby makes no difference, my MW told me that it’s more to do with elasticity of your vagina!
I had an episiotomy with my 1st and she was 7lbs8oz so needed stitches.
I then delivered my 8lb11oz and 9lb1oz babies in the pool and didn’t have a graze from either of them!

I'm 5ft 1, just under 9 stone and have had 4 babies, all between 8 and 9lb. I haven't needed any stitches. I didn't practice perineal massage but it's certainly worth a try if it makes you feel more in control to "do" something.

I also have a friend who has had 2 3rd degree and 2 2nd degree tears. Obviously everyone is different but she was driving / pushing pram after a couple of days, home within a few hours each time .

My baby was 6lb and I had a second degree tear and no stitches. My recovery was fine the next morning I was strolling round the ward with my baby I had no pain relief after I honestly felt fine. For what it’s worth my first poo two days after was absolutely fine too surprisingly. I recovered so well, I had essential oil baths at the hospital and I think that helped so much! The little bubble you’re in with your gorgeous newborn is unbeatable. You’ll be fine. X

I have had 5 children, one including a ventouse delivery and somehow I have managed not to tear at all with any of them. I didn't even have to be cut for the ventouse delivery. I did graze though.

It was just plain luck, but you might be lucky too. I imagine you will be far too busy pushing to realise until it is over.

My tips is stop researching and reading about tears, especially on here! I read a lot and became totally terrified. I became convinced I'd tear right in half and booked a c section. However the cs ended up being great, and I was feeling fine the next day. Unlike my friends who had episiotomies and were crying in pain for weeks. So either stop reading now, or go ahead and book that cs.

I was terrified too, and I did tear. To be perfectly honest I didn’t notice. In fact, the only part of labour that hurt was the stitches being put in, and even that wasn’t too bad. The thought of it is way worse than the reality.

Because everyone is different I don't think there is a right answer & it's all scary. I remember the stinging from the crowning & it was painful but nowhere near as bad as the contractions. I had a small 2nd degree (7 stitches) & had no discomfort at all. Had a semi elective CS with DC2 & found the first few days much harder than I expected as I assumed my recovery would be the same.

I delivered my daughter in a birthing pool and I don’t know whether that helped or it was just that she was small, but I didn’t have any tearing (minor grazing which felt a bit raw for a while but was really no big deal).

I was worried about it too before going into labour but honesty can’t remember giving it a thought during. I took a while to push, I think around 90 minutes, listened closely to the midwife and made sure not to try and rush her out, and thankfully delivery was a dream.

So I know it’s easier said than done but try not to worry! At the end of the day, what will happen, will happen, and as many PP have said, even with tearing they had no problems with healing etc.

Maybe consider a pool if that’s an option? (I have heard others say they believe that’s one of the reasons they didn’t tear, having the water soften the skin)

I had a 3rd degree tear with DD1 and I didn't feel it happening and recovery was fine. When I saw the doctor about the plan for DD2's birth she gave me these stats, 6% of first births result in a 3rd or 4th degree tear, this drops to 2% in the second birth if you don't tear first time and 5% if you tore the first time. I don't know the stats on 1st and 2nd degree tears but these are more mild.

Like someone else said, the piles were worse than the (2nd degree) tear. Tbh, giving birth you're in a sort of altered consciousness so pain feels different anyway. Once the baby comes there's so much to think about such as breast feeding etc that after-pain is not usually uppermost. Don't mind people saying ELCS are so much safer etc - don't forget it's surgery and so the experience of recovery is generally more varied than vaginal birth. Try not to worry or pre-empt things too much, you can do perineal massage with almond oil beforehand and drink raspberry leaf tea but to be honest it's such a live event being rested beforehand and having an open mind is probably the most important thing.

I was like this but didn't have any tearing. Relax mumma.

In my experience you won’t feel the tearing, you’ll be too busy concentrating on getting baby out. I had an internal tear that needed a couple of stitches and a labial graze. The graze was a little bit stingy as it started to heal but nothing major. Look up how to make padsicles. I used them for a few days after birth and everything healed quickly. You’ll be fine OP, it’s natural to worry, try not to let it consume you.

I didn't realise I had tearing until the Midwife told me, but I think I only had one tear.

It's up to you what you choose but personally the only pain relief I had was gas and air and I think that makes a huge difference. I was able to have full control of my legs and feel everything, which I believe goes to helping prevent tearing etc, because you can change positions (laying/sitting one of the worst positions to give birth in apparently, with an epidural you can't get up onto your knees).

Don't worry OP, just take every stage as it comes, listen to your body and don't be afraid to ask the midwives questions and tell your concerns all the way through as they can help solve or alleviate any issues.

I've had two vaginal births, a small graze with my first and nothing with my second. I didn't do anything special just luck I think but like others have said you really are concentrating on getting your baby out by that point and wouldn't worry if a herd of flying elephants flew through the room.