C section regret

[cockcrowfarm]

Long before I got pregnant even I've been looking forwards to the experience of giving birth. Unfortunately my baby was breech so I was recommended a csection. I found a hospital that would give me the chance to try for a natural birth. The baby was estimated to be less than 3kg, my pelvis is big enough etc so they said I was a good candidate for vaginal birth.

I had some mild cramping on Friday night (I thought caused by a curry!) which got progressively stronger through the night … Around 10 am I woke my partner and timed the contractions they were 5-6 minutes apart and 40-50 seconds long so we headed to the hospital. The doctor said I was about 6cm and put me on a machine to monitor the contractions for a bit. During this time my water broke.

My usual doctor wasn't on duty and the other doctor told me that the hospital was busy and none of the doctors wanted to deliver a breech. There was no point to continue the labor as I was going to have a csection in the end. They told me it is very dangerous to deliver breech and basically put some pressure on me to sign the consent form for csection.

I had the operation at 2 pm and it went well, despite my sobbing and shaking all the way through. They said next time If everything is ok I will be able to try vaginal birth. I am very upset about the csection, I'm crying now writing this. It would be different if it was an emergency section, I feel confident that I could have delivered the baby and at least wanted the chance to try. Up until that point at least labour was progressing well.

Of course recovery time was uncomfortable and now I can't feel my belly and worry that I'll never feel it again. Yesterday, a woman on a group chat had a baby and my first reaction was a huge wave of jealousy because I didn't get the chance to try and probably won't in the future. I want another child but I doubt it is a possibility because I am almost 42, I feel like I lost my only opportunity.

I know IABU, please give me advice on how I can get over this. I am not usually a jealous person and I don't want to become bitter about it.

It does.

And for all that I wasn't at all bothered myself, I do think it's not surprising that we sometimes struggle after surgery. After all, for the very large majority of human history, having your abdomen cut open with a big sharp thing has had very negative consequences! We've not had very long to get used to the idea of beneficial surgery that actually works and saves lives, so I think sometimes there can be a bit of a visceral reaction to the experience of having been sliced open.

Quite honestly natural birth isn't an experience I'd want to repeathe. It's bloody awful and I can't possibly see what the attraction is of having your private parts ripped to pieces and stretched out of shape forever.
It's happened and you can never go back and change ithe so what ifs are totally pointless.
Imagine if you had gone against medical advice and your baby had died?
As it is you have a lovely baby. Your bits are intact and feeling will come back.
We are so brainwashed by the natural birth brigade these days we forget what's important, having a healthy live baby who hasn't got cerebral palsy or worse by being stuck during the birth.
Congratulations on your lovely baby.

OP the feeling of being cheated will pass! I felt like a failure for months, it took a long time to realise that I had done the best for my baby by having the caesarean.

Now, I don't regret a thing and would advise anyone in the same situation to do the same. They say time is a great healer, and in this case it truly is.

I really do not understand why women feel cheated out of a natural birth!

IMHO those of us lucky enough to get an ELCS won the lottery! No uncertainty, no crippling Labour pains, no forceps, tearing, complications and above all uncertainty about the birth.

Not one person i know had had a trouble free vagina birth. I had a high risk pregnancy thanks to pre-eclampsia and cholestasis added to a breech baby but my c section was in my honest opinion far far preferential to the horrors of the alternative. And I heard very well the reality, being in hospital for weeks above the labour suite :/

Please believe me when I say, you have a beautiful healthy baby and no complications with your lady parts. That's a huge win.

My first was breech and I had a c section. I felt exactly like you do. I couldn’t listen to other people talk about their natural births without feeling tearful.

When my second was born I had a VBAC but I had a lot of complications. The Labour was long and painful but still feels like a blur. It started to dawn on me that I’d been completely focused on ‘my birth’ and ‘my fewlings’ that I’d lose sight of how dangersous a natural birth would have been for me and my baby. Not to mention losing sight of what I could’ve put my husband and family through. We’re all obsessed with the ‘perfect birth’ these days and need to remember that childbirth is a process we need to go through, not another Instagram post.

I read your post on the morning my c-section was scheduled for which was last Tuesday.

I 100% didn't want a c-section, this is my first baby and I hadn't even been told the healing process would mean I shouldn't get pregnant again for 2 years to let my body recover from the healing process. But, I had a breech baby and the safest way to deliver her was by c-section so I sucked it up and faced my fears because if I'd of delivered naturally and anything would have gone wrong then that would be on my head.

You do what's best for your child and if the doctors told you no one was comfortable/experienced enough to deliver a breech baby vaginally then that took some real guts for them to admit and I would want that kind of honesty if it was to do with the safety of my child. The recovery sucks, the fact you haven't experienced a natural birth sucks, everything hurts, but at the end of the day I'm sure you feel the same way I do when I look down at my newborn, "she's so worth it". Stop looking at the past and live in the now cause your baby will only be this little once 😊 xx