C section regret

[cockcrowfarm]

Long before I got pregnant even I've been looking forwards to the experience of giving birth. Unfortunately my baby was breech so I was recommended a csection. I found a hospital that would give me the chance to try for a natural birth. The baby was estimated to be less than 3kg, my pelvis is big enough etc so they said I was a good candidate for vaginal birth.

I had some mild cramping on Friday night (I thought caused by a curry!) which got progressively stronger through the night … Around 10 am I woke my partner and timed the contractions they were 5-6 minutes apart and 40-50 seconds long so we headed to the hospital. The doctor said I was about 6cm and put me on a machine to monitor the contractions for a bit. During this time my water broke.

My usual doctor wasn't on duty and the other doctor told me that the hospital was busy and none of the doctors wanted to deliver a breech. There was no point to continue the labor as I was going to have a csection in the end. They told me it is very dangerous to deliver breech and basically put some pressure on me to sign the consent form for csection.

I had the operation at 2 pm and it went well, despite my sobbing and shaking all the way through. They said next time If everything is ok I will be able to try vaginal birth. I am very upset about the csection, I'm crying now writing this. It would be different if it was an emergency section, I feel confident that I could have delivered the baby and at least wanted the chance to try. Up until that point at least labour was progressing well.

Of course recovery time was uncomfortable and now I can't feel my belly and worry that I'll never feel it again. Yesterday, a woman on a group chat had a baby and my first reaction was a huge wave of jealousy because I didn't get the chance to try and probably won't in the future. I want another child but I doubt it is a possibility because I am almost 42, I feel like I lost my only opportunity.

I know IABU, please give me advice on how I can get over this. I am not usually a jealous person and I don't want to become bitter about it.

I too am an older mum and had my last DC a few weeks ago. I actually wish I was offered a c-section (had scans every 4 weeks due to a complication but was not told baby's head was large -91st percentile) as I had a fast birth with a large baby and now have a prolapse

@LaurieMarlow

I’m honestly curious. I had 2 c sections and don’t feel one iota of disappointment. I was gunning for the second section, even though the drs wanted me to at least try vaginally

That's precisely how I felt!

You just need time for all the common sense reasons why you had to have a C section to sink in . You will feel better and believe me you will regain sensation in your tummy after the op .
Just beware of well meaning but perhaps misguided mothers commiserating that by having had to have a C section you have somehow missed one of the pinnacles if a woman's experience.
I had an emergency C section and was immediately and will be eternally grateful to have a live birth and to survive . My then sister in law who said I'd been cheated etc etc . Got pretty short shrift from me I can tell you . It was almost a type of upwomanship masquerading as sympathy . Hoping you will soon feel better xxxx

Not read through everything but the numbness will most likely go away in time. I had an emcs and was very numb around the scar for 6 months then it went away gradually, now two years down the line no numbness at all.

However, I don't think that saying that ultimately the health of both mother and baby should be the goal, not the 'experience' is attacking someone.

But it should include mental health not just physical and I know I'm projecting here because my first section experience was so awful I still have nightmares nearly 5 years and another child later but people said it to me. On paper we were mostly healthy if you ignore the days dc1 spent in NICU and the fact that I thought I was visiting a doll in an incubator whilst in the midst of a rather horrific paranoid fog but really I wasn't healthy at all. As it turned out, physically I bounced back, no need for pain killers, repeatedly punching myself in the stomach couldn't break my stitches but mentally...it was another story but because I heard that line so much and everyone kept telling me I was fine, it was just another stick to beat me with. Something else I couldn't do right, couldn't give birth, couldn't look after him because he was in an incubator...couldn't get over his arrival.

I'm just not convinced it helps anyone who is struggling to come to terms with their experience of having a baby.

Another vote here for searching for the Birth Trauma Association.
I have had 2 emcs, at the point I had them due to other people's actions rather than urgent medical needs of myself or my babies. The trauma they've left me with has taken so much away from my quality of life, but increasingly, as I've processed what happened to me both then and at other traumatic times in my life, I am stronger and wiser.
The second operation left a lower quarter of my belly painfully numb, it's still there, but less so after 2 1/2 years. I wish it wasn't, catching it on things reminds me or how horrific it was.
Wishing you and your beautiful baby well op 💐

I sobbed when told my first needing c section. Now I'm happy my vagania was unharmed (also my baby). I even opted for another one (section).

But it should include mental health not just physical

I agree with this so much. We're just expected to be glad we're both alive and to get on with it. I spent over a year having extensive flashbacks, but couldn't get any HCPs to listen to me. Still get occasional, milder, ones but I live with it now as it doesn't negatively impact on me so much. Speaking to the counsellor, who I was seeing for something else entirely, helped as well, at least with her I could say the things I couldn't say at the time.

I think there is nothing but to give it time.

Especially in these internet-saturated time, VB is held up as the gold standard as if nothing else is 'real' or meaningful.

In a way I feel lucky that an existing condition meant I always knew I would have to have a c-section (VB might have worked, but it also might have caused one of my hips to dislocate, so wasn't going there) so I just never felt that pressure to have a 'normal' birth and I'm very happy with my 2 c-sections (the second being emergency as DS decided to make an appearance 8 hours ahead of scheduled c-section!)

It will take time, but other important moments in your and your baby’s life will overtake this feeling. I had an emergency c-section and due to the necessity of speed, I was under a general anaesthetic and didn’t wake up for over an hour. I was upset that so many other people saw my baby before I did, but my dr changed my attitude by telling me I would never forget the first time I saw my baby, regardless of when it happened (he was right). Time will heal your upset, but in the meantime, try to focus on having a healthy baby. I had a VBAC for my 2nd, and it’s really not better, just different. The important thing is a healthy baby and a safe delivery.

Yanbu. At all.

You're not being selfish for feeling this way. It happens to lots of women. You may be well and your baby is well and healthy but that's not all that matters.

You were not given the chance you were told you would have to have a natural birth. It was taken away from you and that can feel like a violation. It sounds like you were almost coerced into a csection. That is not consent. They made a guess that "you would end up with a csection anyway" so took away your chance to make your own decision about what happened to your body, that was completely unfair. The fact they didn't have any staff trained enough to handle a breech birth was not your fault.

Breech births are possible. They do happen. And they can be successful. As far as I'm concerned they did not have reason enough to do a csection if you were not willing and were going for a natural birth.

I think you need to write to the hosp to tell them your experience and they should be putting things in place for situations like this otherwise they will continue to let women down. Over and over again.

OK, this is when I tend to lose patience and compassion.
You have a healthy focus to focus at. Birth is about giving life to a new person, not some special event that needs to be celebrated.
I personally blame all muppets who made c-section feel like something artificial. Most of those idiots wouldn't try healing appendicitis with a herbal tea or have their wisdom teeth removed with pliers and no local anesthetics but birth is like this magical thing that needs to be experienced full power - full pain, no epidural, listen to meditation music, rest in the bath before you spend hours in agony because apparently no other experience counts as proper birth and obviously, you can see it on all children whether they were born naturally or not.
We live in the world where lives of women and babies can be saved because the c-section is there. We have the diagnostics to tell women that their baby is breech or placenta previa is diagnosed (I had both) and a planned c-section is advisable.
I didn't try going for the normal birth once I knew it, tbh. Not because I was afraid of birth, I was even advised to have normal birth because after two major surgeries on my belly the muscles only hold together (as much as they can) because I do lots of sports and have no excess weight. But I am very petite and the potential complications for the baby prevailed over any worries about the implications for me (which I'm suffering, having two inoperable hernias as a result).
I don't go back to the moments of the c-section and feel sorry and somehow like my experience was stolen. My experience was a living, breathing, screaming little smartass that's healthy and enjoys her life and that's the only thing I look at and think about it.
Enjoy your baby and get better soon.

My first baby was back to back and they advised me for a section. Baby was fine and I was happy to deliver naturally. They prepped me for a section and I refused unless it was life or death
My DP passed out from the dramas off all the doctors and blood lol but I gave birth naturally (on a theatre table and forceps may I add) but only because I was so adimant to deliver that way and my doctor was happy to spin the baby as his head was near enough out. I feel sorry for you but at least you and your baby are safe ! That's all that matters xx

I’m going to be a big ole meanie and say give your bloody head a wobble! I too wanted a vaginal birth, with my DC1, spent a fortune in hypnobirthing, baby was breech, his head stuck under my rib, wouldn’t move, I STILL wanted a vaginal birth, but at th

Sorry posted too soon! But at the last minute took the strong advice of the midwives to have a c-section. He was delivered safely and I healed beautifully and to this day I can not believe that I ever even contemplated going through a vaginal birth when it’s SO risky. You are looking at this through rose coloured glasses, of all my NCT friends with natural birth I come out the most “intact”. You and baby could have run into some very serious complications. You are blessed.

I had a vaginal breech delivery with my daughter. She was stillborn. Wanna trade?

Hi OP, I'm sorry you are feeling like this. I wanted a natural delivery with DC1 and did yoga, hypnobirthing, even looked into home birth etc. Then she was transverse and not only did I have to have a CS, I had to spend the last 2 weeks of my pregnancy on the antenatal ward. I wasn't happy but DD would have probably died otherwise, so it was a clear cut case.

Even though you will get hospitals and midwives who are willing to deliver breech babies, the risks are undeniably higher than if you opt for a C-section. If something had gone wrong during natural labour, you would have regretted that for the rest of your life. With a first baby, you have no idea how labour will go so it's even more of a risk. Also, birth weight estimates are notoriously terrible. They told me that my DC2 would be 9lb 5 but he was in fact 11lb 1 with such a large head that if I had gone for a natural birth, it would have almost definitely have been a disaster.

Congratulations on your lovely healthy baby, and I'm sure all this will fade in time.

You have a healthy focus to focus at.
Healthy baby. Sorry for the error.

I appreciate that there are some awful birth experiences and I can't imagine losing a child, but as someone experiencing PNA, PND and PTSD following traumatic birth can we please not try and make a pissing contest and devalue what this woman is experiencing. All I heard was how I should be grateful to have taken DD home and fuck me I'm grateful every second of every day but it doesn't remove the trauma that got us there. OP is allowed to not be ok with what happened.

I understand OP.

I think it’s easy to get sucked into this notion that birth is amazing and empowering and it’s a crucial rite of passage for a woman. I know I did.

Then I gave birth, the pain was beyond my wildest dreams, and I tore badly. I felt utterly cheated, and quite naive tbh. I kicked myself for getting sucked into that mindset.

Second baby was an elective section. It was fabulous 🤣