To be furious with this text!

[Caramelblonde70]

I'll try and keep this as short as possible. I've been dating a guy for nearly 5 months. He is in the process of divorce and has 3DC. I'm divorced and have been on my own with my 4 year old DS for 2.5 years. We've been getting on really well and feelings are developing and we're getting closer too. I decided it was time for him to meet my little boy so we all went out for pizza together at the beginning of the week. I thought it went really well! My son thought new guy was funny and it was lovely to see them getting on. After the lunch we went our separate ways home. 15 minutes later my guy texted to say ffs he'd missed his train home and would be late picking his sons up. I said did he want us to give him a lift home (he lives in a different town about 12 miles away) and he declined. I said I thought the lunch was a success. No reply. After pushing for a response he said he wasn't going to lie but it was hard for him seeing me with my son, that he was very affectionate towards me and he couldn't see there was room for him! He said hes used to just being with me and having all my attention. I was completely shocked at this admission. We've barely spoken since but I raised the subject again this evening and he said a relationship should have balance and basically that's where we differ as he wouldn't necessarily put his kids first and that he'd weigh up all the factors! I said my boy will always come first and he replied saying he didn't like the sound of that and that's what his soon to be ex wife used to say! WTAF?! I'm upset but my anger is out weighing this! What do you all think? Hes 46 btw and a Dad which is why I'm even more shocked.

Bollocks a you don't prioritise loves ones, you assess situations and prioritise based in facts, having small children means that their priorities are greater and there's more of them but as grown ups we get that

Dump and move on - he wasn't expecting a turn down so he's not scrabbling back up the hill ... he'll revert to the manchild behaviour immediately

Before you block him I'd send him this thread so that he can see what this manbaby attitude does to women. The utter prick. Who does he think he is, to demand that you prioritise him over a small child? You've known him five months so been on, what, 20 dates?

Fuck you, guy I sincerely hope reads this!

I don’t think he’s really jealous I think it’s just a cover for realising he doesn’t want to have to have someone else’s very young child in his life.

I'm still annoyed for you over this after reading your updates. Is he actually serious?! It's actually frightening that he thinks this is a reasonable expectation and a normal request of a mother in a relationship. Scary to think he's back in the dating ocean and to think that he might change tack now that he knows being so blatant has caused him to be 'dropped like a stone'. Just awful. There really are some cunts out there.

He won't put his own children first so imagine how far down your DS would come on his list of priorities.
Nowhere

So glad you've decided to ditch this pathetic wanker OP.

He sounds like the type who would be jealous of not just your son but everyone and everything else in your life that takes your attention away from him (so parents, siblings, female friends, pets, sports clubs, hobbies, even work).

I had an ex like this. He was so insanely jealous of my close bond with eldest DN, he accused me of grooming.

Thank God you've realised this early on that he's an abusive, controlling arsewipe. Congratulations on getting rid!

Introducing your child to your boyfriend after only 5 months is absolutely absurd!! hmm Waiting reduces likelihood of things like this happening as you’ll actually know the man you’re introducing to your child.

I'd say it's good timing. Early and you cannot really be sure that you might want to stay with them. Much later and you might be really invested and find it very hard to dump them. Remember it was meeting the child that flushed out this behaviour. Unfortunately it might only ever have emerged once the OP had introduced this man to her son.

My DP will always prioritise his child over me. He knows that I think this is right and in fact it was one of the things that helped us realise we were serious about each other and potentially right for each other. I like that he puts her first. He appreciates that I have no problem with this. Also, in the long term he needs to know that his partner and DC get on OK. So actually around 5-6 months is a good time to introduce a potential DP. It's quite often a tipping point in relationships anyway.

I second the poster that said it was a tester text to see just how much he could control you. Sadly he probably will find someone and their child and themselves will go through years of being treated like shit.

Jesus wept what a loser. I'm a SM to four between 6-13 and there's no bigger love I have more my DH than when he's cuddling/playing with his DC. It's a wonderful thing to see and I feel privileged to be a part of it. He sounds like a right selfish tit. Lucky escape OP

Well he's twisted it saying I've taken everything he said out of context (I disagree) and he's gone on and on about how he really thought I was his match and that he'd begun to tell people about me. He said he's a kind and gentle man and prides himself on integrity! He added he cant be with someone who doesn't have his back or love and care for him unconditionally and just when it suits them! I am completely gobsmacked! And now he's blocked ME!!

A good escape for you lass!

Onwards indeed.

Cheeky bastard! Did you get a chance to tell him how awful he was?

If not, and he's blocked you, I would want to set it down in a letter, just so you get your point across! Also he needs to know that his behaviour is not acceptable.

He's unblocked me and writing more. Said 'I'm sorry you have such a warped view of me'!! I'd laugh if it wasnt so tragic!

Block him. That'll sting the most!

Can you get your bit in then? Honestly this blocking people and unblocking when it suits that people do nowadays is so childish.

But the unblocking/blocking fits what you've said about him. A 40+ manchild.

As predicted earlier.

Block him now and don't expose yourself to his drama.

Good grief just block him already, don’t be tempted to unblock, and move on. Everything he has said since your lunch has proved how much of a selfish dickhead he is.

he's gone on and on about how he really thought I was his match and that he'd begun to tell people about me.

Diddums. All about him though, isn’t it?

He said he's a kind and gentle man and prides himself on integrity!

He may well be kind and gentle. He’s still a self-absorbed wanker. Hopefully his integrity will keep him warm!

He added he cant be with someone who doesn't have his back or love and care for him unconditionally

Good job he found out you weren’t that person then, eh?

Honest to god, suggesting a mother put a man before her children and then being outraged they won’t - there’s no spinning that in a good way. I’d block him if I were you!

Ffs. Lucky escape op.

"Dear Sillyman,

There is a common thread in how your relationships break down, and that thread is you. Anyone who doesn't love that I prioritise my son isn't worth wasting time on.

Now jog on and give me some peace"

I did tell him Pemba which is why he came back saying he's sorry I have such a warped view of him. He said 'clearly it's too much to ask to be put first for once'. I'm so angry but need to stop fuelling it otherwise he'll go on and on and I'll start to think it is me! I hate all this bloody texting too but it's actually had its advantages as I can re-read his petulant messages from the other day to remind me what he can be like.

"P.S. Your fragile ego is not my problem. Tatty bye."

He said 'clearly it's too much to ask to be put first for once'.

Well yes, Bob. Yes it is.

God his ego is colossal isn't it? I'd be interested to hear his ex wife's story tbh. Entitled man baby