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Original poster

To be furious with this text!

279 replies

Caramelblonde70 · 12/09/2019 22:47

I'll try and keep this as short as possible. I've been dating a guy for nearly 5 months. He is in the process of divorce and has 3DC. I'm divorced and have been on my own with my 4 year old DS for 2.5 years. We've been getting on really well and feelings are developing and we're getting closer too. I decided it was time for him to meet my little boy so we all went out for pizza together at the beginning of the week. I thought it went really well! My son thought new guy was funny and it was lovely to see them getting on. After the lunch we went our separate ways home. 15 minutes later my guy texted to say ffs he'd missed his train home and would be late picking his sons up. I said did he want us to give him a lift home (he lives in a different town about 12 miles away) and he declined. I said I thought the lunch was a success. No reply. After pushing for a response he said he wasn't going to lie but it was hard for him seeing me with my son, that he was very affectionate towards me and he couldn't see there was room for him! He said hes used to just being with me and having all my attention. I was completely shocked at this admission. We've barely spoken since but I raised the subject again this evening and he said a relationship should have balance and basically that's where we differ as he wouldn't necessarily put his kids first and that he'd weigh up all the factors! I said my boy will always come first and he replied saying he didn't like the sound of that and that's what his soon to be ex wife used to say! WTAF?! I'm upset but my anger is out weighing this! What do you all think? Hes 46 btw and a Dad which is why I'm even more shocked.

OP posts:
princessTiasmum · 13/09/2019 10:22

I met someone like this once, who told me i didn't need my children now i had him, [my kids were teenagers then] i wasn't happy with this, and in the end finished it, because he was also jealous of the cat, and said it was the cat or him, i chose the cat of course,
Believe it or not he was a teacher,
Please do put your son first, as i'm sure you will

HoppingPavlova · 13/09/2019 10:32

I feel really sorry for his kids. What a manchild.

TubaTwoLocusts · 13/09/2019 10:36

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

WhoKnewBeefStew · 13/09/2019 10:44

Lucky escape there me thinks

ISmellBabies · 13/09/2019 10:48

I'm so relieved for your ds that you dumped this horrible self absorbed prick. Well done op you did everything perfectly.

everyonecaneffoff · 13/09/2019 10:56

I said my boy will always come first and he replied saying he didn't like the sound of that and that's what his soon to be ex wife used to say! WTAF?!

Lucky escape for his ex-wife and you.
I would have thought that if you date someone with children it's plainly obvious that their children are going to come first, and so they should. Just because his children doesn't come first doesn't mean that is any way right.

Also this:
ffs he'd missed his train home and would be late picking his sons up.

I read this as him blaming you and your son for missing his train home - hence the "ffs". Otherwise he would have expressed it differently.

At least he's shown his true colours now the very first time he met your son and not after a year or so when you're living together and your son has started to get attached to him.

Original poster
Caramelblonde70 · 13/09/2019 11:02

He is backtracking massively. Accusing me of dropping him like a stone. Saying not jealous of son or undermining a mother's love but he needs to know that, if need be, I would prioritise him first if he needed my help. Ummm it's still a no!!

OP posts:
2beautifulbabs · 13/09/2019 11:03

Man child and what sort of parent would never put they're children first is someone I wouldn't want to be getting in a relationship with at all you've had a lucky escape and clearly his ex wife has too there is someone out there op for you that's worth your time and your sons time clearly this man just wants all the attention on him I feel for his own children if that's his attitude

MrsMozartMkII · 13/09/2019 11:06

He's a fucking idiot. On all counts.

Hederex · 13/09/2019 11:08

Urgh. Just say your goodbyes and don't engage with him any more.

DtPeabodysLoosePants · 13/09/2019 11:11

How predictable of him. I'd block him now as otherwise he'll pester you to take him back and turn on the charm, then get arsey when you stick to your guns, then be charming again. Onwards. Upwards.

NoSquirrels · 13/09/2019 11:15

Saying not jealous of son or undermining a mother's love but he needs to know that, if need be, I would prioritise him first

That’s not backtracking, that’s doubling down!

He STILL wants you to say you’d put him first.

I STILL think he’s a wanker!

crosspelican · 13/09/2019 11:18

That’s not backtracking, that’s doubling down!

100%

What an utter twat. And a twat without subtlety or charm too. Most men-who-are-awful weave this kind of thing into a complex web of abuse, gaslighting and grooming. He just stood right up and said it out loud!

LazyDaisey · 13/09/2019 11:21

You just need to be brutal...”let’s put it this way, if you were both drowning, in a fire, I had to take a bullet for one of you... there wouldn’t be a choice. Ever. My child every single time. I wouldn’t even hesitate for a nanosecond.”

everyonecaneffoff · 13/09/2019 11:25

Saying not jealous of son or undermining a mother's love but he needs to know that, if need be, I would prioritise him first if he needed my help. Ummm it's still a no!!

Well you wouldn't so he can fuck off.
Do not let him persuade you to take him back. He's shown you who he is and it's not pleasant.

NearlyGranny · 13/09/2019 11:26

I thought he'd do that! Time for the ritual dump and block, I reckon.

Pemba · 13/09/2019 11:26

Yes thank god he was stupid enough to show you his true self. And he's in his forties you said? Incredible.

I feel very sorry for his kids. You and your DS had a lucky escape. I think you handled it well. At least you only wasted 5 months on him and you had the sense to not let him affect your son. Better luck next time OP!

BertrandRussell · 13/09/2019 11:27

“If only we could have a website of photos naming and shaming all these man-children so women would know who to steer clear of....”

We have. It’s called Tinder.

NearlyGranny · 13/09/2019 11:29

And no, it's not fair for him to say you've dropped him like a stone: you've shaken him off like a scorpion!

TubaTwoLocusts · 13/09/2019 11:30

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

vincettenoir · 13/09/2019 11:36

Let him find the toxic relationship he’s looking for with a mother who is prepared to prioritise him over her kids. I wish you the best in seeking out a healthy relationship with someone emotionally stable.

Lvsel · 13/09/2019 11:39

Wtf this guy has serious issues. He wouldnt put his kids first over a new relationship that a huge red flag.

Lvsel · 13/09/2019 11:40

The sad thing is I actually know a few mothers who would choose a man over their kids. He obviously wants one of them who shouldn't even be mothers

regularbutpanickingabit · 13/09/2019 11:41

IS his initial K?

SlightlySleepy · 13/09/2019 11:44

Oh yes, what @tubatwolocusts said. Can you look back and see any other warning signs?

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