To be furious with this text!

[Caramelblonde70]

I'll try and keep this as short as possible. I've been dating a guy for nearly 5 months. He is in the process of divorce and has 3DC. I'm divorced and have been on my own with my 4 year old DS for 2.5 years. We've been getting on really well and feelings are developing and we're getting closer too. I decided it was time for him to meet my little boy so we all went out for pizza together at the beginning of the week. I thought it went really well! My son thought new guy was funny and it was lovely to see them getting on. After the lunch we went our separate ways home. 15 minutes later my guy texted to say ffs he'd missed his train home and would be late picking his sons up. I said did he want us to give him a lift home (he lives in a different town about 12 miles away) and he declined. I said I thought the lunch was a success. No reply. After pushing for a response he said he wasn't going to lie but it was hard for him seeing me with my son, that he was very affectionate towards me and he couldn't see there was room for him! He said hes used to just being with me and having all my attention. I was completely shocked at this admission. We've barely spoken since but I raised the subject again this evening and he said a relationship should have balance and basically that's where we differ as he wouldn't necessarily put his kids first and that he'd weigh up all the factors! I said my boy will always come first and he replied saying he didn't like the sound of that and that's what his soon to be ex wife used to say! WTAF?! I'm upset but my anger is out weighing this! What do you all think? Hes 46 btw and a Dad which is why I'm even more shocked.

Totally bizarre thing to say - I can see why he is divorced. My dad chose his new wife over his children and our relationship is pretty rubbish now, sounds like this guy has the same mindset. Run!

well done OP. You've done this brilliantly. Introduced to DS at appropriate time, used the insight from that meeting to make a tough decision and are now moving on.

I think there are a lot of men who think this way. It's extremely odd.

Good call to end it op. What a close shave! Glad you found out sooner rather than later

Thank goodness he showed you who he was. And well done on seeing it and acting on it.

Well done OP. Be prepared for him turning the tables and telling you you're wrong in some way. Easy to see why his ex is an ex. Poor kids.

Holy fuckballs what an arrogant dickhead

Bullet well and truly dodged, Op

You’ve done nothing wrong. You waited a decent time before introducing him to your son. You met in a neutral place and your son with be unaware of anything negative that’s happened.
My only advice would be to actually tell him exactly why you aren’t seeing him anymore. I would tell him that as he is such a selfish person he really should never again date anyone with children or who wants children. It would at least maybe save anyone else wasting their time with this twat.

WTAF indeed.

I could sort of understand that sort of response from someone who had no kids but a dad of 3??

My boyfriend spent 2 hours teaching my son to design websites last night, after a long day at work. He does homework with my daughter. Neither children are his, biologically. It is a sign of a partner you would want to keep dating. You have dodged a bullet with this man, he sounds awful and not worthy of your child.

Cut your losses now - at least you weren't in too deep. It's upsetting but at least you know what he's like now and don't waste any more time on him. Your son is, quite rightly, your priority. This man would make his - and your - life hell if you stayed with him. And tbh, I'd be wary about getting involved with a man who's in the middle of a divorce and has got 3 children. His head must be all over the place. Plenty more fish in the sea.

His poor kids

I would run a mile. I wouldn't be comfortable even having someone like this around my child. The jealousy would be a major red flag for me and not something I would risk around my child.

Wow! There is no way I would date a man who didn’t put his kids before me or insisted I put my kids before him!

What have you said???

Be grateful you have seen his true colours now before you got your Ds more involved in the relationship. He sounds like a right dickhead. Don't be swayed by his charm if he tries to backtrack. End it and block him.

Next bf don’t introduce to your son after such a short time.

Good grief now wonder she’s divorcing him, I don’t blame her.

Why the hell is a man who presumably KNOWS he feels this way, dating a woman with a child? Why, given his age, is he not seeking out women of a similar age or older who actively don't want children?

It surely hasn't come as a shock to him that women with children HAVE to put them first? Or does he expect all women to promptly brush off their dependents in order to pander to his whims?

What a weird attitude.

does he expect all women to promptly brush off their dependents in order to pander to his whims?

Well given that that's what he does with his own kids, presumably yes.

I think the reason he dated a woman with a child again was because he has persuaded himself that his ex wife was in the wrong, and not normal, for the way she behaved.
He thought someone else would be different.
Wanker.

My husband has suffered from depression and one of his comments was that my daughter came first. Yep, she was 5 months old when he made that comment to his brother and sister, who answered that they bloody well hoped so. She is a minor! He is only now starting to bond

At 46 he is cutting his options of a potential future partner down to zero.

He is going to struggle at his age finding someone who is not in a relationship and without children and the ones that are single and child free a lot won't be interested because he has children and the rest want someone amazing and don't want to settle for an immature old man.

Run for the hills

Good job you found out now that you've been seeing an arsehole and not a man.

Dear god OP, tell me you are running for the hills. This is the biggest possible warning sign that your boyfriend is a selfish arsehole.

My children will always come before my husband. He chooses to be with me and I with him, whereas the children didn’t choose to be born. There is definitely balance in our family - I don’t voice this to the kids ad they certainly don’t feel like the world revolves around them - but they are my absolute priority and, were I required to choose for some bizarre reason, I would choose them. Every time. It’s your job as a parent to put them front and centre while they are as young as your son.

Please tell him very clearly to sling his hook. His response is very weird, such open jealousy of your young child. It makes my skin crawl a bit to be honest though Im not sure why.

Just read back, well done OP, you’ve made the right call. When you’re feeling weak, or your carnal thoughts threaten to get the better of you (that’s why it’s so hard to end bad relationships where the sex is good) re read this thread and remind yourself why you’re doing this.

Bloody right a 4 year old comes before an adult! My 12 year old comes before his dad, depending on the situation, as DS is still a child. The same thing applies to my DH - DS comes before me in any situation that demands me behaving like an adult instead of a baby.

Be very careful with this - he's already admitted it's one of the reasons he's no longer with the mother of his children. He'll be on your back insisting on 'his time' and trying to push your DS out. Plenty of room for everyone in a heart - though possibly not in his.