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Original poster

To be furious with this text!

279 replies

Caramelblonde70 · 12/09/2019 22:47

I'll try and keep this as short as possible. I've been dating a guy for nearly 5 months. He is in the process of divorce and has 3DC. I'm divorced and have been on my own with my 4 year old DS for 2.5 years. We've been getting on really well and feelings are developing and we're getting closer too. I decided it was time for him to meet my little boy so we all went out for pizza together at the beginning of the week. I thought it went really well! My son thought new guy was funny and it was lovely to see them getting on. After the lunch we went our separate ways home. 15 minutes later my guy texted to say ffs he'd missed his train home and would be late picking his sons up. I said did he want us to give him a lift home (he lives in a different town about 12 miles away) and he declined. I said I thought the lunch was a success. No reply. After pushing for a response he said he wasn't going to lie but it was hard for him seeing me with my son, that he was very affectionate towards me and he couldn't see there was room for him! He said hes used to just being with me and having all my attention. I was completely shocked at this admission. We've barely spoken since but I raised the subject again this evening and he said a relationship should have balance and basically that's where we differ as he wouldn't necessarily put his kids first and that he'd weigh up all the factors! I said my boy will always come first and he replied saying he didn't like the sound of that and that's what his soon to be ex wife used to say! WTAF?! I'm upset but my anger is out weighing this! What do you all think? Hes 46 btw and a Dad which is why I'm even more shocked.

OP posts:
BringMeAGinandTonic · 13/09/2019 04:58

Anyone who compares you to an ex, just run. Don't look back, just run.

...he said a relationship should have balance and basically that's where we differ as he wouldn't necessarily put his kids first and that he'd weigh up all the factors!

So he wants balance in a relationship but only wants attention for himself. Makes perfect sense. Hmm

You've made the right choice to end things with him. Imagine having dc with him one day! Knowing he wouldn't put his dc first. Yikes!

I feel for his stbxw. Wonder if she knows his attitude towards his kids.

flumpybear · 13/09/2019 04:59

Don't waste anymore time with this excuse for a human - animals behave like this, male lion for example wants a new mate, she has cubs, he kills the cubs as he doesn't like the competition ... bin him

PaulHollywoodsSexGut · 13/09/2019 05:01

You simply cannot stay in a relationship with this guy.

SomeoneInTheLaaaaaounge · 13/09/2019 06:42

Christ he was horrible. Thats the thing about societal misogyny. Women have to do all the emotional caring for men, men just ‘expect’ for it to be this way (yes, yes some men aren’t). Read Susie Orbach what women want. Honestly changed my life.

ambereeree · 13/09/2019 06:55

What a catch... Lucky escape for you OP

NearlyGranny · 13/09/2019 06:55

Dodged a bullet there, OP!

But you do have a fascinating sociological opportunity to ask him, by text, to clarify the exact details of callous neglect or hostility he was hoping to see you display towards your child to prove yourself worthy of his continued attentions...

spanglydangly · 13/09/2019 06:58

Bloody hell he sounds awful, at least you know now!

Hederex · 13/09/2019 07:02

Well, it's a good job you went for the lunch before you got more invested.

Obviously, dump him immediately.

EnthusiasmIsDisturbed · 13/09/2019 07:04

It’s a get out

Maybe there is some truth in what he is saying but he knows you wouldn’t accept his demands (or certainly shouldn’t)

Don’t even bother trying to understand or reason with him

Icantbelieveitsnotnutter · 13/09/2019 07:08

PyongyangKipperbang you make a very good point there. Why keep reproducing? OP run for the hills!

MrsMozartMkII · 13/09/2019 07:08

So glad you're stepping away lass. It's gutting on many levels.

CodenameVillanelle · 13/09/2019 07:14

Don't feel bad that he met your son - one meeting won't do any harm and you've done exactly the right thing in using it to assess if he's worth keeping around, which he isn't. What a bellend.

AmIThough · 13/09/2019 07:18

It's a good job you did introduce him to your son - at least you've only wasted 5 months. Imagine if you'd waited and found this out in another years time?

Loveislandaddict · 13/09/2019 07:25

One meeting won’t do any harm, but I can understand why you feel a little hurt. You decided to take this important step, ie. introducing DS to dp, and he has rebuffed you. You trusted him, and he let you down.

At least you found out now.

MouseInATelescope · 13/09/2019 07:26

That's so upsetting for you and he sounds exactly like my ex. Doesn't want even his own kids "Getting in the way of his fun".

He's clearly very needy and sounds like he could be jealous and possessive too.

Could he work on these issues? Maybe with some help? Otherwise you can't have that in your life, believe me it's crippling.

He NEEDS help though. His poor kids.

MouseInATelescope · 13/09/2019 07:28

Oh and I massively respect you for waiting that long before introducing your lil boy. I know some people who have different guys on the go monthly in the house with the kids... yes I do judge. How the hell could you trust them?!

I've been seperated for a year now, no where near the dating stage, but that's the part that frightens me most.

BertrandRussell · 13/09/2019 07:29

Dump.

AnneKipanki · 13/09/2019 07:35

Well done for getting rid of him .
Massive red flag.

Huggybear16 · 13/09/2019 07:36

Don't feel bad about introducing him to your son. It had been 5 months and you only went for pizza!

I think you're making the right call by ending things. He's made it easy for you by sending that text.

BenWillbondsPants · 13/09/2019 07:37

Well on the one hand I think that introducing them 5 months in is a bit too early - but it sounds like you handled it in a 'we're meeting a friend for pizza' kind of way, which is sensible.

On the other hand, thank god you haven't invested a year or so in this knobhead to find out what a cock he is at that point. You're right to ditch and move on.

GaraMedouar · 13/09/2019 07:37

Be glad you found out at 5 months - what a twat! Flowers

NewName4Mee · 13/09/2019 07:38

Yes now you know why his ex wife is his ex wife.

The needy little bitch he is 😆😆

Lovemusic33 · 13/09/2019 07:39

Your better off knowing now that he’s a tosser.

I’m at the same stage of a relationship (been dating a couple months) and I’m worried about introducing children, we both have kids of a similar age, I do enjoy it being just me and him as it’s early days and we are getting to know each other, I do worry that he won’t except my kids as they have ASD so are not typical kids but at the end of the day my kids will always come first and I hope he would always put his kids first, if not then he’s not a nice person I want to be with.

Of course your ds comes first, if he can’t except this then he can walk away.

Cornettoninja · 13/09/2019 07:40

Well that’s a massive nope from me.

Original poster
Caramelblonde70 · 13/09/2019 07:41

Thank you @mouse - I didn't make a big thing of the lunch to my son and he's used to meeting lots of mummy's friends (albeit mostly women!) We were in a booth and I was sat next to my son opposite this guy so there was nothing there to suggest we were an item - clearly, because this is what's got him so narked! The scary thing is, I didn't pick up on this hostility; he hid it extremely well. I feel sick now it even got that far :-(

OP posts:
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