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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

I dont want to give her lifts anymore

152 replies

Findingausername · 12/09/2019 21:04

My colleague lives 10mins walk away from work. She broke her ankle over a year ago. When it happened she was on crutches, complaining about getting to work on them, blah blah. Being nice, I offered to give her lifts as she is on my way and I was driving anyway.

Anyway, fast forward a year, her ankle is perfectly fine now and she's still expecting the lifts. It's meaning I don't have as much freedom, for example sometimes I would drive up to work early and sit in a coffee shop with a book for half an hour. Sometimes when I get to her house she isn't even ready, and I have to wait for her. I get the feeling she isn't apprieciative at all. (She was at first)
I have subtly tried to bring up the idea of her walking again and she kind of just goes 'well its on your way' and brushes it off. WIBU to tell her I can't give lifts anymore as it was never meant to be a long term thing in the first place

OP posts:
Sooverthemill · 12/09/2019 21:07

Tell her that from x date you won't be able to give her a lift any more. Don't get into a debate. Just be clear ' after next Friday I won't be able to give you a lift to and from work anymore'. And do not get drawn in. You do not have to give people a lift ( although car sharing is a good idea)

ArgusFilchsCat · 12/09/2019 21:07

No, yanbu. Does she chip in for petrol? I would say that the arrangement is no longer convenient and from x date she will have to arrange getting herself to work. Sounds a bit of CF!

KTheGrey · 12/09/2019 21:08

You don't have to. Ten minutes walk is healthy. Perhaps you should suggest parking up at he house and walking in together 😀

QueenofallIsee · 12/09/2019 21:09

Just say no OP, if you fancied telling a white lie you could say you are doing a yoga class or something in the morning so won’t be going past her anymore. Personally I’d just say it’s not possible anymore and leave it at that

FamilyOfAliens · 12/09/2019 21:09

Not another doormat thread!

OP, if you want to stop, tell her you won’t be giving her a lift from Monday. If she asks why, say a year is quite long enough and you don’t want to do it any more.

makingmammaries · 12/09/2019 21:10

As others have suggested, set a cut-off date. Tell her it is not convenient for you as it removes your flexibility. The alternative is a two-way liftshare where she does half the driving, which she won’t want to do as you live further away.

SallyLovesCheese · 12/09/2019 21:12

YWNBU to say to her "I can't give you a lift tomorrow/for the next week/regularly". You're being nice by giving her a lift; she shouldn't expect it and ideally should be checking with you first as there's no way it's always convenient. And she definitely shouldn't be keeping you waiting!

Perhaps have unavoidable appointments or trips to make every day for the next week or two and she may get the hint. You could always throw in a "but I can do X day/these days next week" if you want to still be kind and offer lifts, as it is on your way. I'd be paranoid as a lift-accepter that I was imposing and would try to make sure I made my own way there most of the time.

Dinosforall · 12/09/2019 21:14

A ten-minute walk!? How bloody lazy is she?

Whitejasmine · 12/09/2019 21:15

This is a hard one. I would love to be as direct as some of the answers here but I would struggle to be so blunt as you have to work with the woman! I think I would go down the little white lie route...say you’re starting going for an early morning swim/gym sessions so will be leaving early/going a different way.
I too would hate having to the share the car with an acquaintance/work colleague every morning!

ilovesooty · 12/09/2019 21:20

I dont see why lying is necessary. Just tell her that as from next week it's no longer convenient . If you really feel you have to offer an explanation say it reduces your flexibility as suggested above.

Heartburn888 · 12/09/2019 21:20

Make up excuses why you can’t pick her up/drop off.

She will get the hint eventually

Actionhasmagic · 12/09/2019 21:23

Yoga class is a good shout

supersop60 · 12/09/2019 21:23

MN favourite - "That doesn't work for me anymore"

Witchinaditch · 12/09/2019 21:23

Why don’t you want to give her a lift? It seems a bit mean if it is on your way, but it is up to you. I’d make up a lie why I can’t and just leave it at that.

Chloemol · 12/09/2019 21:25

Why don’t you park on her drive and walk in with her, do you both good?

MacavityTheDentistsCat · 12/09/2019 21:26

Don't tell her you "can't" or 'won't be able to". It sounds weak and invites questions. Simply say that you are no longer going to. Is she still asks why, say your doing her a favour has gone on long enough, full stop. Any other plans you may or may not have are none of her business. You don't have to justify withdrawing a favour.

FamilyOfAliens · 12/09/2019 21:28

Why would you lie when the option to be honest is there for you? What is the matter with people being unable to say what they mean?

dollydaydream114 · 12/09/2019 21:29

I usually snort at the 'this doesn't work for me/us' answer but I do think in this case it's probably the best response. She's a colleague so you don't want to be ultra-blunt but equally you do need to be firm.

I'd just say 'OK, I've been having a think about the lift situation and I'm afraid from [whatever date] picking you up just isn't going to work for me any more - I often want to do things on my own before work and I just can't commit to picking you up, sorry. At least it's only 10 minutes for you to walk, so you won't be left stranded, haha...'

I can't believe she refuses to walk 10 bloody minutes. I'd have done a walk that distance even when I was on crutches to be honest!

londonrach · 12/09/2019 21:29

10 minutes walk...seriously just dont collect her op ever again. 10 mimutes...its a nice easy walk.

NoTheresa · 12/09/2019 21:30

I think the Mumsnet favourite - as mentioned above - will do nicely. Do not make up excuses. You don’t have to lie. Just say no. The end.

DontDribbleOnTheCarpet · 12/09/2019 21:30

I'd probably just give her a lift, but if she isn't ready then I think it's perfectly fair to not wait for her. And it's definitely fine to ask her to cough up for petrol.
Of course, if she's asked for money then she might decide that walking is fine after all!

MulticolourMophead · 12/09/2019 21:33

Just say you will no longer be offering a lift and she needs to sort her own transport. Don't offer any excuses or explanations, as you are then giving her the chance to brush them all off.

If she complains to management (she might), just remember they can't force you into giving a lift, and as she's 10 minutes away she can walk.

AmIRightOrAMeringue · 12/09/2019 21:35

I know you should t have to lie...but if you dont want to give a straight no, could you say you're going to the gym before work and seeing someone after most days so cant take her unless she wants to leave at 5.30 and get back at 9

spanglydangly · 12/09/2019 21:41

What @MulticolourMophead says, you don't need an excuse!

Doilooklikeatourist · 12/09/2019 21:41

No excuses , no expansion, no explanation,
Just tell her tomorrow morning that you’re not able to give her a lift anymore , and that’s it
Smile and nod

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