I dont want to give her lifts anymore

[Findingausername]

My colleague lives 10mins walk away from work. She broke her ankle over a year ago. When it happened she was on crutches, complaining about getting to work on them, blah blah. Being nice, I offered to give her lifts as she is on my way and I was driving anyway.

Anyway, fast forward a year, her ankle is perfectly fine now and she's still expecting the lifts. It's meaning I don't have as much freedom, for example sometimes I would drive up to work early and sit in a coffee shop with a book for half an hour. Sometimes when I get to her house she isn't even ready, and I have to wait for her. I get the feeling she isn't apprieciative at all. (She was at first)
I have subtly tried to bring up the idea of her walking again and she kind of just goes 'well its on your way' and brushes it off. WIBU to tell her I can't give lifts anymore as it was never meant to be a long term thing in the first place

OR if you want to take the ‘I hate conflict approach’ that introverts such as myself enjoy say you’re cycling to work from now on and park around the corner and get a random bike out of the boot to lock up in front of the building! A bike helmet will help drive the illusion forward! 😂

I don’t get why so many people can write a post on netmums with a perfectly reasonable explanation of why they can’t do x, y and z for someone anymore but need help with coming up with explanations and lies to tell the actual person. For a start I wouldn’t give an explanation at all. Just

Hi (cf),
Just letting you know that I won’t be able to give you lifts from next week. Now that your ankle is fine and it’s a short walk I hope it won’t be a problem x

If she’s cheeky enough to ask why then-

Before I started giving you lifts because you were struggling with your ankle, I used to leave early as I enjoyed having a coffee and reading a book for half an hour in a cafe before work. I’d really like to get back to my normal routine, thanks

If she complains after that she’s then she’s a complete knob and I wouldn’t care what she thought anyway

Mumsnet I meant 🙄😂

Could you say you've offered to help another friend/ family member with lifts who isn't well for a few weeks, so you won't be able to pick her up anymore as there won't be enough time?

She doesn’t get to dictate to you! You just say ‘Sorry, I need that time in the morning alone to get myself psyched up for the day’. Don’t let this drag on annoying more and more!

text her tomorrow night fresh for Monday. No reasons, just that it's not working for you now. Type it.. hit Send

I once got roped in givng someone a lift who spent the whole journey lecturing me on the iniquities of the car! It didn't last long.

Either tell her you don't want to

or make up some excuse if you find it easier - dropping DH and arriving from the other side, class, going to supermarket the other way or whatever.

It sounds easy, but frankly, if the OP did find it natural to say "no", she wouldn't have started the thread. Some of us wouldn't have been so patient for an entire year! Warn her, then do not wait for her, leave when you feel like leaving, arrive when you feel like arriving. It's kinder to warn her, but telling her tomorrow for next week is fine.

Just tell her that you feel completely taken for granted and that you are not doing it anymore. It’s been a year and time is up.

Why don’t u say you’re gonna start going gym in mornings so can’t drop her off and after work say u meeting a friend. I did this when I got my first job, she is taking the piss. A genuinely nice person wouldn’t impose like that. She’s taking advantage

This thread has reminded me of when I was about 17 and “forced” into getting a lift to work with a much older man who worked at the same place as me every day. I’d stand at the bus stop and he’d pull over and shout “jump in!” And I didn’t know what to say I was so shy! Queue awkward conversation for 20 mins - I think he felt sorry for me but I ended up getting an earlier bus just to avoid him

Tell her you can't pick her up or drop her anymore as your schedule is changing so you won't be passing her house at the same time daily. Let her wonder what your (non existent) schedule entails - it's none of her business. If she has the cheek to ask just look surprised and say you'd rather not discuss your personal life. You'll be off the hook and she'll be left hanging for a story that doesn't exist

Does she walk when you’re on leave or off sick?

FFS. Grow one. 'I can't provide lifts anymore.' 'Why not?' 'I'm not available to provide lifts anymore.' 'But I'm on the way!' 'I have other commitments now that mean I can't give lifts anymore.' Rinse and repeat.

Oh come on OP...stand up for yourself.Get to the cafe early tomorrow and read your book. When she messages you say 'I told you I couldn't give you lifts anymore. See you at work'.

She's a CF. I think she's amazed you've carried on this long. Tell her tomorrow's the last day. Monday she has to make her own way to work.

What @Raphael34 said is spot on.

Put it plain and simple, rip the band aid off. Once you’ve done it you’ll feel so much better

I'd go with the white lie just so as it isn't awkward there after. Say you are are either going to gym, starting work early, going to supermarket en route, picking another friend up who has broken an ankle and she lives the other way

Just tell her that you feel completely taken for granted and that you are not doing it anymore

Don’t do this, you have to work together and it’s unnecessarily rude. Don’t make excuses up, because you always get caught out in a lie eventually. Gym, yoga, DH etc are all just stories that will catch you out

Just tell her you can't pick her up anymore. Invent a reason to soften the blow if you want, but just make it clear that you won't be doing it from now on. Don't give a wishy washy excuse, something definitive. If you say 'hey sorry i can't give you a lift this week', you'll have to deal with it the following week, and it'll just become a drag.

If she starts bitching about it being on your way and you being unreasonable, don't be afraid to be stern with her. A simple "oh, I'm sorry, I didn't realise giving you lifts for the guts of a year was such a selfish thing to do. I certainly won't be doing it again, don't you worry about it", should suffice.

Don't worry about upsetting or offending her. She hasn't taken the hint, on purpose, because it's benefited her. She didn't care that it was putting you out, and didn't even have the respect to be ready as soon as you got to hers. She'll just have to learn to walk 10 minutes and buy a coat for the winter.

Tell you’ve taken up mindfulness and you need the extra 10 mins to meditate in the morning. In an ideal world you’d just be able to tell her the lift situation doesn’t work for you any more but I’m guessing she is the thick-skinned type who will push back if your excuse is too vague!

No need for an excuse, just say I’m sorry but as from Monday i won’t be able to give you lifts any more. Don’t get drawn into a debate about it. Practise saying this at home until you’re really confident. If she tries to push back or ask why, just say it doesn’t work for you any more.
Be polite, be firm, don’t cave in!

How did this go on so long? Why did you not bring this up with her after say 6 weeks or how ever long it took to heal? ‘I see your ankle is all ok now and you’re walking fine, no need for anymore lifts’. It becomes more difficult now you’ve let it go on so long. I would tell her it doesn’t work for you anymore and it was only meant to a temporary arrangement. No need for explanations or discussions, just knock it on the head.

Just tell her you're not doing it anymore. So many doormats on here.