To ask How long is it reasonable to wait before it’s CF?

[2beesornot2beesthatisthehoney]

Cheeky fuckery.
We were planning a weekend away and I booked 2 rooms in hotel. Paid upfront. One person had to drop out leaving a spare room. Another couple we are friends with, and also invited to event too , took the room instead.

Morning after, politely told them cost and how they could reimburse. Few embarrassed shuffles

One week later polite reminder email sent. Bit of a short PA reply but implied they were aware of need to reimburse.
Still nothing.

Fuming inside. AIBU

They live to far away to have done a day trip

I wonder if they thought breakfast had been pre-booked as part of their free trip

Unless they were really wealthy, if they were intending to pay they would've asked how much it was. Who on earth agrees a night in a hotel without checking costs?

Sounds like they thought it was free of charge, but I can't tell if they were reasonable or not to think that as you won't post the wording...

Breakfast is irrelevant.

So what did DH say in his text? You still haven't said, other than you couldn't see the expectation.

I think it's relative who dropped out's responsibility to find paying replacement or else they are still liable for cost of room. On that basis, you offering the room "due to someone having dropped out" is ambiguous at best.

They might have thought it was already paid but surely when you made it clear it wasn't, most people would just suck it up and pay as long as it wasn't wildly expensive and beyond their means? After all they had been invited to this event too so surely would have had to pay one way or the other.

I think your DP may not have been clear but also they are being CFs now they know.

Oh fume away!

I am torn. I would pay no question but the fact that DH didn't mention the cost beforehand AND they were replacing someone who dropped out does give them some reason to think it was a freebie

On reflection I do think context that they were invited to the same event and would need accommodation changes things and I would assume offer was to take and pay for room. If it was a holiday they had previously expressed no interest in and you offered them a room that had become spare at the last minute I think that's different.

Even if your DH had said it was a freebie room for the night, wouldn't most friends offer a contribution of some sort? Even if it was a percentage of the total cost, at least that would be something.

The fact they didn't even offer anything (and expected a free breakfast), puts them in the CF category for me.

@cement you don't have to be really wealthy to be able to pay for one night in a 'chain' hotel- some are from £35 a night and on average are around £60-70 unless central London .

@longestlurkerever Maybe read the thread? OP said ages ago it was a 'dependent' who dropped out so we are led to believe it was a child of hers or an older parent who they were paying for.

As a pp said, hotels can often range from £40 to £200 a an average price. To me that's a lot and I'd definitely need to find out which end it sat on.
If the dh mentioned it was cheap or a premier inn etc then that's giving an idea of cost but again, might have implied it wasn't important to pay.

How much was the hotel room? I can't see where you have mentioned it.

I do wonder whether some of the misunderstanding - if it is a misunderstanding - could be laid at the feet of that little word 'free'. (Do words have feet?)

Free has multiple meanings in general English usage. The room unexpectedly became 'free' when the dependant dropped out of the event.; 'free' here meaning available for occupancy.

I wonder if the CFs interpreted 'free' in its other sense of no money need change hands?

We'll never know what your DH actually said on the phone, so you have to let it go, I think, and let DH take the hit.

It is CFery though because, after a night's accommodation they assumed to be free of charge, social etiquette dictates they should have offered - nay, insisted! - on paying for breakfast for four.

If you find DH got out his plastic for four breakfasts he is nothing less than a CF enabler!

I would offer a room to a close friend for nothing in this situation and my friends would do the same for me so I can see how they would accept this thinking that you were just gifting it to them.

I think personally 'the embarrassed shuffling' sounds like they wouldn't have gone if they knew they had to foot the bill, perhaps because they couldn't have afforded to?

If it was a case of a misunderstanding then neither of you are CF's but it is you who needs to foot the bill IMO in that situation and not your friends if they wouldn't have accepted if they knew they had to pay.

So @2beesornot2beesthatisthehoney have you had the chat with your DH

Also, if this was a chain hotel, you have the option to pay all upfront or use their other option which is a slightly higher cost but a very flexible cancellation plan.

If there was any chance that your dependent ( child- elderly person?) might drop out, that would have been the better option.

And, bearing in mind you had paid the full cost upfront, you and DH should have had a good plan for what to do if you had to cancel AND passed the cost on - openly- to your friends.

So spoke to DH last night. I can now say hand on heart that DH did not make it clear that there was any cost to the room. Which makes my hassling a bit out of order to say the least.
However, given if it was a free room that does make me irk about breakfast which I think was rude. Apparently this was eventually paid for item by item ( even though identical) by DH and friends GF asDH said it appeared when they went to pay, Friend clearly didn’t want to pay at all and his GF stepped in and paid theirs.

Friend as well as CF has always been tight IMO as well as CF. Same territory.
I don’t think we will ever get any money back from room but right now don’t think I will contact friend. The breakfast thing has soured things IMO and I feel like letting him stew. For now at least.

It was offered as a spare room not a free one.

Room was about £80, breakfast about £35 per couple

It's rude that they expected you to pay for bfast, but just take the £80 lesson and be clearer next time. I wouldn't pursue.

To clarify he didn’t specify any cost but thought it reasonable that at some point in weekend friend would say “how much do we owe you”. Lesson learnt there I think and I will remind him of such if anything like this happens in the future. He was taken aback there was no offer, but then apparently at breakfast thought maybe they would pay for ours. They didn't.

Your DH allowed him to rip the piss. It's a bit of a waste of time to still be miffed about the breakfast, he's tight but the GF stepped up. Hope your H has learned his lesson and if you do anything with him in the future, sadly, you will be the one who needs to be very clear and upfront: the cost is X and it needs paying at the time time we go, we will be each paying for what we eat, we each need to buy our tickets . . . that sort of thing.

Right. Well then my final judgement is that they thought the room was free, but they are still cheeky fuckers.
They should have asked if you wanted the money for the room.
I'd still be on the fence about them being cheeky though...but the breakfast swings it.
I could afford £35 for breakfast, or rather wouldn't be comfortable with using my rather strict budget for it. Therefore I wouldn't have gone if I knew the cost.
The only way I could see myself wavering on that is if they're genuinely skint, and either the breakfast price wasn't clear on the menu or there were no other options eg a brunch with just one cost. I'd never ever expect friends to pay, but I would be panicked by it.
Lesson learned...make things very, very clear with this couple if you want to be friends in future, though I expect they think you're the CFs so don't know how it will go.
It's time for your DH to have a serious think about how much he feels he owes them from years back.
If they pay you at the end of the month, I think they're more short of cash than you realise and couldn't pay until then.

Offering someone something which is going as "a spare" really does normally mean it's free. I wouldn't use that term if I wanted someone to pay me for the thing I offered. You also didn't even tell them the price before they stayed so that's really not fair.

Of course they should have offered anyway, but you should never rely on the generosity or morals of someone else when you actually want something from them. If you want it then you need to make it clear from the start. If you're not fussed then you can leave them to decide if they offer or not. But you want them to pay, didn't tell them, didn't give them a price and told them it was going spare anyway so you can't expect payment now.

The breakfast thing... Why wouldn't your husband (or you) just say that they need to pay for their own. Why let it get awkward and wait for the GF to step in. It's bloody obviously everyone should pay for their own, and if they couldn't pay they shouldn't have gone with you to breakfast, but it sounds like your husband would have just kept quiet and paid if the GF hadn't done it. Learn to speak up, especially when you know the man is a total piss taker.

Which makes my hassling a bit out of order to say the least. It really doesn't. 'expectation' or not, the obvious thing to do if a money situation isn't clear is for them to have asked. I think they deliberately didn't ask because they didn't want to be told, 'Yes, you owe us £80.'

'Friend clearly didn’t want to pay at all and his GF stepped in and paid theirs.' He's tight and a piss-taker.

I feel like letting him stew. Problem is, it's YOU who is writing on MN, feeling angry about this, and stewing! He isn't. He doesn't give a fuck. He got a free room.

Good lord, you and your DH both need to grow up and one of you needs to contact this person and say 'We know we weren't clear at the time, and apologies for that, but the room cost is £80 and we need it back asap, please.'