To ask How long is it reasonable to wait before it’s CF?

[2beesornot2beesthatisthehoney]

Cheeky fuckery.
We were planning a weekend away and I booked 2 rooms in hotel. Paid upfront. One person had to drop out leaving a spare room. Another couple we are friends with, and also invited to event too , took the room instead.

Morning after, politely told them cost and how they could reimburse. Few embarrassed shuffles

One week later polite reminder email sent. Bit of a short PA reply but implied they were aware of need to reimburse.
Still nothing.

Fuming inside. AIBU

I've come to the conclusion that there are an awful lot of CFers out there.
So many entitled people around.
Best policy is to be explicit in conversations.

Based on your updates having read the full thread, honestly, i think they haven't done anything wrong.

The event you were attending was free, so they weren't expecting a cost for attending.
They hadn't booked accomodation, it is feasible, even though you personally think it was too far for a day trip, that they intended to save money for accomodation by not staying anywhere, and may have either left early, or driven home afterwards anyway. What you deem too far they may have been willing/felt able to do, especially if one slept for half the trip then took over driving etc, to attend without having to find and pay accomodation.
Your husband didn't tell them a price, or say they needed to pay, and used terms that the room was now going spare, giving the impression its paid for, and can't get a refund for. It could be seen, as you say it's his oldest friend, that they genuinely believed it was being offered for free as you knew they were attending and not already staying over somewhere and room was now going spare.
With regards to breakfast, YOU wanted to eat at a specific place you'd been to before, and invited them to come along. Some people take invites like that to mean inviter is paying, similar to when someone asks you out on a date etc. Plus, the place you picked was expensive, £35 for breakfast for 2 is ridiculous, i'd only just pay that for an evening dinner for 2, and breakfast is always cheaper, you could get an eat as much as you like buffet breakfast for way less. Especially given that they seemed to not have been planning a stay over anyway, and thought the room was a gift, and being oldest friend, they may have thought this invite was an extension of the original offer they thought was free.

You knew what this person is like, that they have history that lead you to ask your husband to explicitly state intention for them to pay for room when offering, so you knew there was a need to state clear intentions to this person, and yet in case of husband with room and your breakfast invite you didn't do this. Maybe breakfast was him just milking it (GF paid for them, since it was him husband invited on trip she may well have been told by friend it was a free room and she is probably mortified) but the fact they got embarrassed when you asked for the money, i would assume honestly they may have trouble affording it. Even if they have good jobs, they may have debt, or be bad at budgeting and just hadnt factored an £80 bill (or the £35 for breakfast) and their free event plans just suddenly ended in a bill over £100.
I certainly couldn't just find that to hand over without at least a months planning of where to cut back other places. Either they will pay you when they have it, or you just have to write it off as your mistake.

If they thought they were paying they would have asked about the cost before they agreed. If they didn't ask how much it was going to cost I think they assumed they were using a room that couldn't be cancelled?

Just to add, I've started telling the waiter what I am paying for in those situations.
So, for example when I'm finished I would say to the waiter, im paying for 2 teas, 2 toasts, 2 scrambled eggs or whatever and then leave it for the C.F. Types to sort themselves out.

I would love to see what your DH actually said to them in the email

They care a lot less about your husband's feelings and good feeling than he does their opinion of him.

They're cheeky fucks and whether it not you do any more about it don't forget it.

£35 for two is only £17 odd each. At a decent place with a nice breakfast and a couple of drinks that's easily done. Unless they can't read and couldn't see the menu they're exceptionally cheeky there too.

It seems to me that they thought that the room was already paid for by the person who couldn't go and would have been unused, so your DH asked them if they would like to stay there. Since he didn't mention the cost, there have clearly been crossed wires.

This is for your DH to sort out. The twit.

Your DH messed up by basically telling his dear friend that he could have the room that was booked for free. I can imagine how awful it would have felt to take it without having intended on that expense and then being asked for the money! You have no right to spend other people's money, so suck it up and foot the bill, then next time remember your DH can't handle this type of communication (as you knew before as you felt the need to say to him to say the expense explicitly which he still didn't). Breakfast is irrelevant to the hotel cost but again you invited them!

Perhaps it's a lack of generosity in some people saying they wouldn't expect it to be paid for. I would pay for someone else, so that would be my expectation.

If I suggested breakfast I'd expect to pay. It's different if you arrange to meet in the hotel you're staying at obviously

Oh OP, I'd chalk this one up and learn from it. I would 100% offer to pay for the breakfast if I thought the room was a treat, but then we're all different, as you've sadly discovered. Also, I would haven't had assumed the room was gifted and offered to pay. Sounds like the friend has form, so learn from this and don't let it happen again. at the G&S reference earlier! Crackin'

Te original couple who dropped out, are responsible for the bill if no replacement can be found. As a replacement was found, couple 2 are responsible for that room's payment. I don't understand how they thought it was free. Who did they think was paying for it?

I wouldn’t have assumed - as earlier posters have - that this reeks of CFery.

If I have bought something I can no longer take up, often at short notice and without an ability to reclaim- eg theatre tickets or other prepaid non refundable item - I would much rather someone takes them than they go to waste.

And so I offer them to willing and/ or worthy takers without presumption of payment. (If I wanted to do a resale etc, I would go on Facebook/ whatever).

(so why would I assume the non paying takers were CFers?)

They assumed paid for by couple 1 who cancelled, and too late to refund, so empty or filled for free..

Te original couple who dropped out, are responsible for the bill if no replacement can be found.

@cherish123 It wasn't another couple who were originally going to have the room, OP said it was a "dependent", so OP and her DH would have been paying for the room anyway.

I've gotta say - OP's DH should have made it very clear, but equally, if my friend had offered me a late room, I would want to pay something (paying for breakfast would have been a lovely idea) - maybe not full price, but definitely contribute somnething otherwise OP could have had both rooms and enjoyed the space

Your husband has made you the CF. Unfortunately many men are rubbish at making social arrangements ( the reasons/ unreasonableness of that is for another thread) 😡 and you trusted him to communicate. You are also being a double CF by wanting somebody to pay for a room you had already committed to paying for, presumably on a non refundable basis.

You then compounded your CFery by your assumption that the breakfast was cheap and they’d stump up. Treat this as a valuable and cost effective lesson in the importance of communicating properly for the future. Seriously, it will save you a fortune in the future and help you in all areas of your life. Move on. 💐

Well lesson learned. Friend is tight and any money arrangements need to be made extremely clear beforehand. If he still won't pay then he is total CF. But in this case your DH not making it clear muddies the waters. Friend's GF clearly knows what he's like...

I don’t think the breakfast was that expensive, we had main meals and drinks then CF asked for more tea and toast, which we shared. It also included a tip. It was a pub we went to the night before ( party was day time) and they saw the menu then it was on the table. That evening in fact I wasn’t hungry and decided not to eat. The rest of them ended up having crisps etc. I think CF would have eaten a meal if someone else paid, he spent a fair time looking at it! If they didn’t want to fork out for breakfast then they could have declined and left us to it.

Be more insistent. Hi x you still owe me £80. Here are bank account details. Please pay by end of weekend. I dont know why you think we should sub your room. If you hadn't agreed to have it off y then we would have got the money back from them. Thanks

Blimey your dh is a wet blanket and the friends are opportunists.
However, they did actually pay for their breakfasts and presumed the room was offered for free as your dh didn’t actually mention the cost.
I would never have gone without asking and then paying but many people wouldn’t ask if it’s not brought up.
Opportunistic cheapskates maybe but you also don’t then ask for the money afterwards. Costs should have been made clear upfront and they weren’t.
Also, I/we always pay the bill if we invite people out. Dinners, brunches, birthday meals, whatever. Thought most people did the same.

It wasn’t really an invite for breakfast it was more “ we are planning to eat here “

I think they’re CF either way, OP, though it doesn’t help if your DH is allowing it to happen.

Not to derail the thread, but I’m curious to know what people think makes CFs tick? Are they totally unaware they’re being CFs? Or do they feel entitled? Is it a power thing? Do they think it’s funny and have a laugh about it later at the giver’s expense? What is it?!

I’ve known many a CF in my time. My MIL is one and has done the embarrassed shuffle more times than I can count yet still never paid. Thankfully we rarely see her. Like a PP we used to host parties until we realised people were taking the piss. Like the PP I would run around after them being a good host and was treated with total disrespect. I remember at one party one guy (who hadn’t brought a thing with him) helped himself to a platter of food from our kitchen. Plonked it down in front of a group of us then stopped me when I went to take a piece of garlic bread, saying he’d got it for he and his GF! He later found a very expensive (for us) bottle of scotch I thought I had hidden away and got shirty with me when I stopped him from opening it. We don’t host people like that anymore.

Next time go to Wetherspoons

I find that people who are tight with money like this continue to be tight and that this manifests itself in many ways. So it is pretty certain that your DH knows this and understands this from ongoing experience over bothering years. The fact that he waited all weekend for his friend offered to pay demonstrates imho that he knew what friend was like but also showed a naivety in expecting this person to suddenly change his ways.

Regarding the breakfast and, based on how it was described, its pretty pathetic of the friend. People wondered if the friend is perhaps not well off. In my opinion people tight like this often have quite a bit of money - its part of the reason they have it. Basic decentness would have resulted in home offering to pay on the basis that they believed (wrongly as it turned out) that they were getting the room for free. The GF ending up stumping up demonstrates just how pathetic he is.

I have experienced this also through the years and generally distanced myself from this type of person. This friend would no longer be my nearest and dearest friend. I wouldn't have had a major falling out unless there was an obvious issue but I would probably avoid situations / events where we are are feeling who should pay and him avoiding paying and us left embarrassingly paying and the cycle beginning again.

Overall, as it was not made clear in advance, I am not sure who is in the "right" but I know if I was your husband I would be annoyed with myself and would subtly back off interaction and going places with this friend in future. Ongping social media contact ok but situations where money is involved - no.