To ask How long is it reasonable to wait before it’s CF?

[2beesornot2beesthatisthehoney]

Cheeky fuckery.
We were planning a weekend away and I booked 2 rooms in hotel. Paid upfront. One person had to drop out leaving a spare room. Another couple we are friends with, and also invited to event too , took the room instead.

Morning after, politely told them cost and how they could reimburse. Few embarrassed shuffles

One week later polite reminder email sent. Bit of a short PA reply but implied they were aware of need to reimburse.
Still nothing.

Fuming inside. AIBU

Sounds like you weren’t clear and therefore this might be your fault.

Did you DH actually tell them the price before they stayed? If not I would just chalk this one up to experience.

Surely though if you plan to go away and stay over you don’t expect free accommodation?
Well some people would just give it away. How much was the room?

As an example of something similar, we had a spare ticket for the test cricket as a family member had dropped out. We asked if a friend of mine would like to come with us, as we didn’t want it going to waste and we knew he was a huge cricket fan.

With no cost being mentioned at the time of inviting, WE would have been the CFs if the next day we had surprised him by asking for £80.

What adult in the UK expects to have their hotel room paid for?

An adult who received an invitation for a weekend away in which the wording was hazy and vague due to OP’s DH being ‘reticent’ about discussing the financial details.

You can't call them out on being CF until you have seen the message your DH sent. I think he wasn't clear. In which case write it off and you make the arrangements next time.

Yeah but, no but, your DH messed up big time here! If he won't show you the message he sent, then he didn't make it clear enough.

You've lost the money this time but make sure it's you DH who dips out, not you!

Lesson learned... Take over all communication re money and friends yourself.

I haven’t seen communication back and forth beforehand but DH said that there was an expectation that they would pay for their room.

That may have been his expectation, but it doesn’t seem like he communicated it to the other couple very clearly.

I’ve got a holiday booked and the person coming with me cancelled. Ive found a replacement and said X amount has already been paid (three quarters of it), there is X amount left to be paid if you would like to come and pay the remainder of the balance which is X amount cheaper than if you had gone halves with me.

You really need to be transparent when asking people to fill a space- are they paying or is it free.

and if they can't afford it they should have told you so you could take someone else with you

How would they know if they could afford it, or even if they were happy to pay for it without knowing the cost???

How long has it been since the weekend away?

It all sounds le you'e DH was too vague, especially given their past CF-like status. I've been offered a room in a similar situation before, and whilst it's off not to check and double check, it's not totally unheard of for the original occupant not to want any money for a room they're not using if eg they have travel insurance.

You might end up sucking this one up if your DH didnt explicitly tell them they will need to pay.

Your DH sounds like a wet lettuce. Is he 'reticent' about being clear in other contexts, like work?

Send them an email saying something like 'I do hope DH was clear about the room cost but apologies if he wasn't. It's £xx and it'd be great to be reimbursed for it asap –thanks!'

I think you need to write the money off and not invite them again anywhere

As pp have said,without knowing what your dh wrote it's difficult to call.
Trying to turn it rounding my head,if for example,my ds said to me a friend has cancelled coming to the wedding but I've paid for the room,do you want it?I'd have replied without pausing for thought,yes,how much do I owe you?,I would not think or expect anyone to pay for my accommodation.
Let's see what was actually said though.....

The cost wasn’t discussed but he said it was written in way that he expected them to pay for the room

There you go. Unless your DH said something along the lines of "So and so couple have dropped out. Would you like their room as it's already booked? Cost is £xx. If you don't want to pay that or have made other arrangements, let me know asap."

Given that you say they have form for CFery, then you've given them a massive get-out and they're not going to pay.

Your DH played the wishy washy wally and didn't communicate that they were expected to pay even though he and you know they are CFs. He dropped the ball on this one by being a jessie. He needs to suck this one up.

It's also always foolish to pay upfront for other people. Stop being so goofy over money and get some friends who aren't flakes.

Other room was for a relative who had to drop out due to work.
Yes sounds like DH could be to blame here. I am still fuming but not sure who with!

communication breakdown! Always best to sort out any pre-payments before you take friends a on a trip. Can you send them a payment request through your onlinebanking app?

Your DH dropped the ball here. The relative should have paid up, too. Basically, don't book for someone again no matter what and don't let your husband handle communication if you know he has no backbone. He wasn't clear. They're not going to pay.

If the cost wasn't mentioned, I don't think it's unreasonable to think that the room was a freebie.

If you're DH isn't showing you the email/message, then I think you can assume that he knows he didn't make it clear and it's his fault.

If the room was expensive, I'm not surprised that their response was grudging. And I think the embarrassed shuffles at the time make it seem that their discomfort was genuine, and that it wasn't CFery.

I'm a bit confused really. So a relative had dropped out and then you found someone else to take their place and you're annoyed with the friend who took the place rather than relative dropping out.

Sounds like your DH might have to foot the bill for being unclear.

I really can't believe anyone would receive an invitation to fill a space in an empty room - regardless of how vague the wording was - and expect they could have it free of charge!

Surely they'd realise someone had bloody paid for it. Extreme CF'ery for anyone to think the 'vague wording' might get them out of paying!

It’s difficult to imagine that your friends would have assumed it’s a freebie unless explicitly stated that they don’t have to pay- especially since you were footing the bill for the room, not the person dropping out.

But if they’ve got form for being mean then they perhaps thought they’d try to get away with not offering the money and only coughing up if pressurised. Not a nice way to behave so whatever your DH did/didn’t agree they don’t sound like good friends to have.

Did you pay for it? Or the relative? If it's already been paid for, then it's too bad if you then have to drop out in my opinion.

Even if you had been clear about the expectation to pay, what would have happened if you hadn't found anyone to take over? Whoever paid would have still been stuck with the bill. This is why it doesn't pay to be flaky.

The couple who took over, where had they been planning to stay? Maybe they'd already paid on deposit on a place and decided to forgo it so that they could enjoy staying in the same place as everyone else? Or maybe they passed up on free accommodation?

Husband should suck it up if he didn't make it clear

Umm this is really awkward, it sounds like they thought you were letting them take the room so it didn’t go to waste. This should have been discussed before - if they weren’t told that they’d have to pay and thought it was free then I think you shouldn’t press them for the money as it’s not their fault

I think it's probably not their fault in that I think they thought this was a freebie. They might even have thought your relative had paid. The actual cost needed to be mentioned up front, because however reticent your DH might be, this situation is far more awkward.
That said, if I were your friends, I'd just have paid up..but maybe they don't have the spare cash and are planning to pay as soon as they do?
I think if you want the friendship to be as it was, I'd bite the bullet and ask if there has been a misunderstanding.