To ask How long is it reasonable to wait before it’s CF?

[2beesornot2beesthatisthehoney]

Cheeky fuckery.
We were planning a weekend away and I booked 2 rooms in hotel. Paid upfront. One person had to drop out leaving a spare room. Another couple we are friends with, and also invited to event too , took the room instead.

Morning after, politely told them cost and how they could reimburse. Few embarrassed shuffles

One week later polite reminder email sent. Bit of a short PA reply but implied they were aware of need to reimburse.
Still nothing.

Fuming inside. AIBU

Agree that they're cheeky. You'd at least offer/ask. I would also like to know exactly what DH said though.

I would send something very clear like

'Was DH clear about who was paying when he asked if you wanted the room? I don't want to keep hounding you for money if there has been a misunderstanding!'

I'm presuming it's somewhere like a Premier Inn, where breakfast isn't included in the cost of the room. If so, their rates can vary quite considerably depending on a number of factors.

If your DH didn't ever mention a price, wasn't he surprised when the friend agreed to take the room without ever enquiring as to the cost? Do people normally agree to buy something that could arbitrarily be £40 or £200 without checking the price - unless they're loaded? If so, your DH was definitely BU for offering somebody the chance to buy something without also stating what the cost would be.

I may well be wrong here, but I wonder if, when offering the room, he might have said something like "It's only a cheap room as we booked early". DH therefore implying (but crucially not saying) "So you don't need to worry about it costing you a lot if you take it" but friend hearing it as "So we're not bothered about being paid back for it".

Kind of like if you broke a glass at a friend's house and offered to pay for it and they replied "Oh, it was only cheap." Most people would interpret this as meaning "Don't worry, I don't care about you paying me for it, as it's no great loss"; whereas in theory, I suppose the friend might be fully expecting reimbursement but reassuring you in advance that you'll only be needing to cough up a couple of quid rather than hundreds.

Many , many years ago there was a teenage incident that I think DH feels guilty about.

I hope it wasn't a fishing trip....

Yep I think it's your DH who has dropped the ball here

He was vague, he didn't tell them the price etc.

I did ask him to state cost in initial email but he is reticent about that sort of thing

DH said that there was an expectation that they would pay for their room

Sounds like DH wasn't clear at all. I wouldn't bet on getting your money.

I hope it wasn't a fishing trip....

🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

They are definitely CFs - if I was offered a room I would assume I had to pay and ask how much. And even cheekier about breakfast

Your DH sounds like he needs a bit more of a backbone. How did he insinuate that they needed to pay without actually saying it, or letting them know a price. He set them up to be CFs, and they jumped at it! And yes it would have been polite to offer to pay for the room or your breakfast, but they're clearly not that type. I wouldn't hold your breath for the money, but it does cancel out whatever happened when they were teens and I'd back awY from them in future.

Does your DH expect/want them to pay or is it just you? I think he made out like it was a free trip due to the history of guilt and wanting to do them a favour.

If it was me there's no way I could not offer to pay, even if they told me it was free I'd offer to pay for breakfast/drinks at the bar. I'd feel seriously akward until I'd evened it out in some way and I'm sure most others feel like that!

Actually... you know the whole "teenage incident" thing? Could it be that they think you should be paying due to whatever happened being DH's fault? like you owe them?

I think that the misunderstanding has arisen because a) they're inclined to CFness and b) your DH thinks he somehow owes this guy because of what happened on the fishing trip years ago. CF is a CF around your DH because this dynamic has become hard wired between them.

The reason why your DH won't show you the actual wording is because he knows full well that it is open to misinterpretation. CF and DH know the score, it's you that's blundering in because you don't understand what's really going on. You need to send Simkin text offering to back off if you're hounding them when you shouldn't be.

Please can we have the full, unabridged story about the "incident"?

@2beesornot2beesthatisthehoney can you clarify if the following happened/which order as I'm not sure if I've got it right.

1 You booked the hotel (two rooms) as you and family member were going to the event in that city.

2 Friends decided to go to the event and booked tickets for that. Had not booked hotel yet.

3 Family member dropped out

4 Friends took the second room as hadn't booked their hotel yet.

Or did they decide to go to the event after they knew that you had a spare room?

It is normal to offer to pay even if not asked directly. Unless the cf friend covered up a crime he’s got nothing on your dh. Your dh needs to stop being such a wet lettuce with this guy otherwise this situation will continue.

Dh and I had a situation like this, where we entertained a big group of people with nothing in return until I had enough. He was happy for this to continue as he enjoyed the lavish parties, which I basically made happen. I otoh was fed up as I took the brunt of the organisation, clearing up and they didn’t even respect our home.... or me.

If you’re not happy, you have to say something eventually, which I did.

They should have paid for the hotel and the breakfast, any person knows that. I wouldn't have anything further to do with them personally, and regarding any other weekends away with others I'd tell my husband to tell people it was x amount that needed to be paid upfront.
What has your husband done to have to owe someone for years on end? Has he done something illegal and they have him now over a barrel?

You need to see your DHs email . If it’s ambigious , then there’s nothing you can do . Most people I think would offer to pay their way , so it isn’t all down to your DH. You and DH probably need to have a conversation so this doesn’t happen again.

@Mummyoflittledragon

Can't believe people treat their "friends" like this. I couldn't even to a stranger. I'm not confrontational but I'd have to make a very blunt, sarcastic but obviously not joking comment about the blatant CFery and lack of respect.

Agree that most people would offer to pay their way. I would expect that they would want to find out the cost before agreeing to go. Unless they are well off enough to not even consider this.

They're 'old friends' of your DH who have taken the piss out of him before.
Now they're CHOOSING to do it again.

Your DH didn't speak up for himself before, he didn't assert himself properly this time and he's still not speaking up properly now.
Your DH has no backbone where these 'friends' are concerned.
They walk all over him and he LETS them.
He's afraid to stand up to them for fear of losing a long time friendship - they know it as well.

It's time your DH realised that friends don't do this - or make you feel like you can't have a straight up conversation with them.

To be honest your partner should of been upfront from the beginning Regardless of the past and there friendship.

Room going spare its xxx amount do you want to come along ..
Breakfast not included

Ok so you can't see what has been said via email. But you need to find that out

@MouseInATelescope
I understand what you mean. These things just creep up unfortunately if you’re of a generous nature. Now I’m much more wary. Dh and I had a great lifestyle and were happy to share our good fortune. Unfortunately some... or in our case a lot of people were jealous and took advantage. It sounds as if op and her dh are the same otherwise they would never have offered to pay for a relative in the first place.

Sorry had to go out.
fishing trip what have I missed?

Managed to sneak a look at the emails and there is nothing in writing I can see that would be an “expectation” to me Grrrrr. Time for a conversation with DH methinks. There was a phone call so unless it was in that

Going to check about that breakfast too. I sent them both off to pay but didn’t see the end result. If DH paid for breakfast too I shall be livid.

So if there wasn’t any “expectation”, let alone firm basis, then I am the one who is going to look bad aren’t I for hassling.

Yes @Librocubicularist in that order. Except event was free , they just had to accept invitation.

What adult in the UK expects to have their hotel room paid for?

This.