To ask How long is it reasonable to wait before it’s CF?

[2beesornot2beesthatisthehoney]

Cheeky fuckery.
We were planning a weekend away and I booked 2 rooms in hotel. Paid upfront. One person had to drop out leaving a spare room. Another couple we are friends with, and also invited to event too , took the room instead.

Morning after, politely told them cost and how they could reimburse. Few embarrassed shuffles

One week later polite reminder email sent. Bit of a short PA reply but implied they were aware of need to reimburse.
Still nothing.

Fuming inside. AIBU

No I specifically said that breakfast was not included in the hotel because we planned to eat elsewhere at a place we gphad been to before.

If friend suggest that you go for a meal together you really t them to pay for the meal and not split it some way?

I feel sorry for you OP but I am wondering if the cost is worth the friendship.
I bought two extra tickets for a friend for a concert she subsequently couldnt attend. She was happy to pay for the tickets but I told her if I could sell the tickets I would. It was a very popular artist and there was no problem selling but the tickets and the price were clearly included.
Sorry I think maybe a misunderstanding has taken place. Maybe you should forget about the money and instead tell them it will be their turn to pay next time you all go out

Expect them to pay

You won't get money out of them. They are CFs and your H was a wet lettuce with them as usual. The breakfast is neither here nor there, of course they were going to try to weasel out of it.

If friend suggest that you go for a meal together you really t them to pay for the meal and not split it some way?

Not generally but it very much depends how it is phrased. I'm coming from this from the opposite side in that I would often pay anyway so my expectations are different from yours yes. For example I would say come and join us for breakfast at xxx and my expectation would be that I would be paying for everyone. If I had any expectation that the other person would cover the cost of themselves then I would be very upfront about that and clear about what sort of prices the place had first if I was suggesting the place to eat.

If the cost wasn't discussed then I don't think it was clear they were expected to pay, unfortunately.

Right.
So you offered them the room how far in advance?
Did you mention cost or actually say "we've booked it for X but they aren't coming so you can have it it you like since it will save you money now that prices have gone up. It cost £X so just pay us back when we meet up"?

Or did you not mention cost at all, and then only tell them the morning after they had stayed?

What did your husband say in the email. You need to ask to read it. I don't understand why he would be reticent about sorting out accommodation with friends. Why is it so difficult to say "it cost this so pay me on the day If you want the room. If You don't want the room then let me know ASAP".

Without knowing what the husband said this discussion is pointless.

For all we know he could have said, "The wife's pals have pulled out so there's a room going free".

And in your DH never mentioned money for the room,how would the other couple know.Unless they are psychic.

They don’t need psychic powers to know that a hotel room has been paid for by someone.

RosaWaiting but we don't know if they asked. We don't even know how DH worded it!

Clearly they didn’t ask or they wouldn’t now be ‘embarrassed’ by being asked for payment after the fact. Again, if someone offers me something ‘going spare’ that I know has cost them, I always say ‘how much do you want for it or what do I owe you?’, if they say ‘no payment necessary’ then I’ll still find a way to compensate/reciprocate as would any of my friends. The breakfast thing would never have been in doubt whether they invited us or not: ‘Yes, we’d love to go for breakfast but we’re paying because you guys got the room.’ Who, other than an absolute freeloader, wouldn’t?

I think they may be trying it on slightly, but your H was almost certainly unclear enough for them to be able to do so. I suggest that, if you want to continue being friends with them, you either leave this to your H to fix or just suck it up.

Shouldn't the person / people who the room was booked for and then let you down pay ? They are the ones causing the problem in the first place?

I think you have to be direct.

Hi CF friends,

Can you transfer that £80 for the room today? Just in case you haven't got my bank details, here they are again:

(bank details)

Hate to push, but it's been 3 weeks, and we actually do need the money - credit card bill due this week etc.

It's quite important, so can you text me when it's transferred - [DH] is quite anxious about it.

Actuallyquitepissedoffnow
x

Also, THEY'RE the embarrassed party here, not you for asking them. It's utterly cringe that they need to be asked 3 times, but the cringe is on them, not you.

Sorry, but IME anyone with any decency would have asked how much you'd want for the room - or if they were going to assume it was free, at least insisted they'd be paying for drinks, a meal or whatever

The "embarrassed shuffling" and the ugly behaviour over breakfast just screams CF to me, confirmed by your remark that they've got previous. I doubt you'll ever see the money, but at least it's a fair warning for the future

OP if you want a real opinion you need to post the email your DH sent. The fact you haven't speaks volumes. no?

It would be quite easy for a couple to assume that if you had paid for the 2nd room for someone in your family ( child, elderly parent?) you would absorb the non-refundable cost. Considerate friends would ask of course and offer to pay.

I assume this was something like a Prem Inn or Travel Lodge - how much do they owe you?

You need to speak to them, say sorry if there was a misunderstanding, but the room cost was not being picked up by you even though it was meant for your child, granny, whoever.

In future tell your DH not to be such a wimp- something happened with this woman when they were teens??? How long ago was that FGS?!

They don't sound like friends tbh.

The breakfast thing alone is a huge pisstake.

I was offered a ticket to an event which someone could no longer go to - the response I gave which I think everyone on this thread would give despite their protests was - "how much do you want for it?"

The fact they didn't even ask this puts them firmly in the CF category. No one would expect a free hotel in these circumstances.

They don’t need psychic powers to know that a hotel room has been paid for by someone.

I agree,the nice thing to do would even to offer.But @2beesornot2beesthatisthehoney dh never mentioned it.Maybe as far as wekknow,mabe her dh told them it didnt matter.Since he wont show op the emails.

I haven’t posted text of email because in first instance I cannot access them right now.

if I could I would at least give some wording but probably not copy and paste as that might be too identifiable.

Male friend plus DP not that that matters really

He didn’t tell them it didn’t matter, I know that much

No matter how the invitation was worded, I would always assume I had to pay for my own room in a situation like that. I would never assume or expect that the person inviting me would pay. Nor would anyone else I know. They are definitely CFs regardless of the wording of the invitation.

Problem is that as your DH has been vague your friends may have wrongly assumed the room had already been paid for. Your DH is entirely to blame. He should have been clear from the start that a room became free due to drop out and that room costs X amount.

No he is not usually, just with this friend. Many , many years ago there was a teenage incident that I think DH feels guilty about.

I feel as if this element needs a whole thread to itself, frankly.

They were CFers for not offering to pay in the first place, both for the room and breakfast.

But if I were you I’d fume at DH and expect him to sort it out.

Lesson learned - do not leave payment conversations to DH!

Not sure why you asked THESE 'friends' if they have form and there was some incident about 40 years ago (LOL).

I can see how if you had already paid for a dependent (child, granny, etc etc) they may assume you were absorbing the cost and it was non refundable anyway. (Was it?) It's quite easy to assume a block booking is non refundable so they were being offered a freebee.

BUT DH ought to have put the cost in the email and his BACS details or cash on the day.

Why is he pussy footing around them like bit of a dick?