To ask How long is it reasonable to wait before it’s CF?

[2beesornot2beesthatisthehoney]

Cheeky fuckery.
We were planning a weekend away and I booked 2 rooms in hotel. Paid upfront. One person had to drop out leaving a spare room. Another couple we are friends with, and also invited to event too , took the room instead.

Morning after, politely told them cost and how they could reimburse. Few embarrassed shuffles

One week later polite reminder email sent. Bit of a short PA reply but implied they were aware of need to reimburse.
Still nothing.

Fuming inside. AIBU

Stroppywoman
I am in 2 minds whether to agree with you but can I ask your opinion about breakfast. If you were given a free room wouldn’t you offer to pay for the separate breakfast?

The more I think about it I think they were waiting for the bill to be presented at the table and I think they expected DH to pick it up until I loudly suggested that the 2 men went together to the till and sorted the bill.

DH sounds like he’s at fault for not telling them up front it would be £x, given they have form for CFery that was a major fuck up on his part. He’s also wrong for having you chase them for it rather than doing it himself.

That said, they are definitely morally on the hook for not offering or asking up front, like any normal person would when offered a substantial ‘spare’ like a major event ticket or, as in this case, a spare hotel room. Everyone knows how much those things are likely to have cost the person offering so a polite ‘I’d love to come/take it off your hands - how much do you want for it?’ is the default response every time in our circle where people sometimes have to drop out. Even if the donor is most likely to say ‘oh no charge, it’d just go to waste otherwise,’ non-CFs always at least make an attempt to contribute ‘oh in that case dinner/drinks are on us.’

So originally you werent looking for the money off your "dependent".But they dropped out and now you want the money off the couple

Why,you had written the money off anyway.I think you are coming across as the CF

How is that CFery? Just because I'm happy to pay for my child's hotel room does not mean I'm happy to treat a friends to a free break, that's daft, who would be happy with that?

"If you were given a free room wouldn’t you offer to pay for the separate breakfast?"

not sure really. It depends what they thought. When mum was ill recently, I handed over a theatre ticket to someone because I just wanted it to be used. I don't expect that person to buy me a drink or whatever. The ticket happened to be available, due to bad luck - sounds the same with this hotel room - and I thought someone could benefit. I didn't ask for cash because she'd have booked for the show herself if she wanted to see it and it was very last minute that I had to take mum to A&E so no way to recoup money from the ticket any other way.

just thought someone should benefit. In fact, it wasn't even my friend who went - it was my friend's friend.

If you copy and paste your husband's wording in his email, then we can all give you a proper opinion .

But maybe they thought that the bill would come to the table or added to the cost of the room, to be settled at check out. You are basing a lot of what you assume to be their cheeky fuckery on behaviour that isn't automatically screaming cheeky fuckery.

"That said, they are definitely morally on the hook for not offering or asking up front"

but we don't know if they asked. We don't even know how DH worded it!

Everybody's a little in the wrong.

The dependent shouldn't just drop out when things are booked. Your DH created most of the issue by not being clear. You and your DH are being stingy asking for money when originally you weren't going to get any from the relative. The couple should have asked how much they should pay, even if you offer it for free it's polite to say "Are you sure I can't pay something towards it? ... Ok then we're buying dinner.) Once the issue came to light they should have paid or said something or both. It's only been a week, so you are pretty unreasonable to keep hounding them instead of giving them time to actually pay (and have a payday).

I hope your DH didn't say "Looks like we have a free room because X can't make it", that would make your request for money the height of CFery.

Anyway, write it off, move on, DH needs to learn how to communicate more clearly.

"Just because I'm happy to pay for my child's hotel room does not mean I'm happy to treat a friends to a free break, that's daft, who would be happy with that?"

in that case, it needs to be explicitly said "There's a hotel room available, cost £x, do you want it?"

So MN jury it is agreed that they were either

CF for not paying for the room or
CF for not offering to pay for breakfast next morning after having been given a free room (and hoping we would pay for breakfast as well)

Either way they are CF and I can fume away

I'd have to see the wording of your DH's communications with them to be able to determine if they are CFs.

I can imagine booking and paying for various things and letting others have them for free if I couldn't make it just so it didn't go to waste.

No he is not usually, just with this friend. Many , many years ago there was a teenage incident that I think DH feels guilty about.

He really really needs to grow up and get over it.

Problem is this is one of DH oldest friends So if YOU send the 'in case we weren't clear' message, then they can take it out on you, not him. But I wonder if they'll dare be cheeky to you? It sounds as if they know they have your DH over a barrel.

I would always offer to pay, but it's possible it wasn't clear (if they thought you had paid for your friends for example and were happy to still do so) and they didn't think they had to. Even so, however, they should have told you that much sooner and not kept you hanging on.

Ok cross posted. To be clear breakfast was somewhere else after we had checked out. You can tell by people’s body language that they want someone else to foot bill at a meal. We have all been there.

Yes I too have been in a position where I have given theatre ticket to a friend when I’ll. Money may have been offered but I declined it.

In this case friend had time to book room somewhere but would have been a lot more expensive.

OP "So MN jury it is agreed "

I haven't counted, but no, I don't think it is....

Sorry, I thought you meant that breakfast was in the hotel. That was rude then.

*CF for not paying for the room or8
CF for not offering to pay for breakfast next morning after having been given a free room (and hoping we would pay for breakfast as well)

Either way they are CF and I can fume away

No because your DH never made it clear.Its his fault.If he wanted paying for the room,he should have said so.Outstraight.

If I had been in the position of being offered a hotel stay, in such a way that it was not clear I was expected to pay the cost of the room, and I had misunderstood and thought I was not expected to pay, and then found out I had misunderstood, I would be mortified and would pay up immediately.

So yes, they could have misunderstood your dh's original offer of the room, @2beesornot2beesthatisthehoney - but once they found out they had misunderstood, they should have reimbursed you as soon as possible, and apologised for their part in the misunderstanding.

The fact that they expected you and your dh to pay for their breakfast, and that, once told they need to pay for the room, they haven't immediately said 'Ohhh sorry - we misunderstood Mr2bees' offer - we'll pay up asap' puts them firmly in the Cheeky Fucker catagory, for me.

And if someone offered me the use of a hotel room that someone else couldn't use, I would ask them the cost - I think it is cheeky fuckery not to at least check.

Relative is a dependent so no wouldn't chase for money. However plan B was to offer room to other friends who might want to stay in that city and recoup that way.

Then why exactly are you chasing these friends? I do think they are CFs but tbh, you two ballsed this up. You were going to pay anyhow, then you decided to use someone else to 'recoup' when your flakey relative bailed out and didn't stump up. Then your H played the wally. It's his oldest friend, you know he rips the piss, what did you expect? Stop chasing them, they won't pay. And just don't do this again.

Thing is, OP, if you want to remain friends with this pair, you'll probably need to chalk it up to experience and move on.

Oh come on, just send them a text saying, "Hi CF, please can you put the £50 you owe us for the room into my bank account? Thanks!"

Because unless you are upfront with CFs they will take advantage of your embarrassment and keep quiet, thus earning themselves a free night away. Nobody in their right mind would think you were treating them to that hotel room.

To be clear breakfast was somewhere else after we had checked out. That again depends on how it was suggested and who by, for example if you said why don't you come and have breakfast with us at xxx then I do think it would be a reasonable assumption that you were paying.

Is the friend generally a right arse?

If so, you need to be more careful around him. Money up front. Make it clear you are splitting bills. That sort of thing.

I do think it sounds like he’s a CF, but you shouldn’t let people take advantage like that.

"Because unless you are upfront with CFs they will take advantage of your embarrassment and keep quiet, thus earning themselves a free night away. Nobody in their right mind would think you were treating them to that hotel room."

@HollowTalk is 100% right.