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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to ask friend to remove her dog from the room when I visit with my child?

388 replies

BadBehaviour · 11/09/2019 21:56

I’ve recently had a baby and I have been taking my baby to see friends, one friend has quite a large breed of dog. I have asked her before I visit to remove the dog from the room temporarily whilst we are there. She’s agreed but when I turn up she hasn’t done it, nor is she willing to.

I understand it’s her home if she wants her dog in every room that’s her right. I just end up leaving as I will not take my baby inside. She refuses to meet up elsewhere.

So AIBU to ask her to remove her dog from the room we are in temporarily?

Thanks guys Smile

OP posts:
WhoKnewBeefStew · 13/09/2019 07:42

YABU, it's her house and you are visiting her. I think you are also being a bit precious too. But if you are uncomfortable then just don't visit

FatherDickByrne · 13/09/2019 08:46

What Durgasarrow said.

Zaphodsotherhead · 13/09/2019 09:31

NEVER think 'it's a Labrador, it's fine'. Or the same about any breed actually.

My XP has a Labrador. It's aggressive and has taken leaps at people, teeth bared. It's also not trained at all and he can't handle it, neither is it walked nearly enough, which is part of the problem.

MildThing · 13/09/2019 09:39

With all the particular circumstances you have posted abut his dog (not trained to be obedient, territorial and guarding of owner, etc) I would not want to be in the room with my small baby unless the dog could not get at the baby.

However soon your baby will be active and crawling and then toddling.

And at risk of unwittingly upsetting the dog.

So I would just stop going.

Original poster
BadBehaviour · 13/09/2019 10:11

Well thank you for all your comments I never expected this many comments. I have taken them all on board & I will not be visiting again with baby. Myself, if someone visited my house when I had a dog with a baby I would just remove he dog from the room without being asked but after reading these comments not everyone Is the same. I would much rather be on the cautious side I would never want a situation to occur when I would have put my dog in a bad situation due to my decision I think what people haven’t realised is if something happened, not only would a baby/child suffer so would the dog for doing something that comes natural to the animal (such as protecting his/her home or owners! Thanks again much appreciated guys x

OP posts:
Original poster
BadBehaviour · 13/09/2019 10:12

@avigeth perhaps I could that one to put my baby in...problem solved you should have posted sooner Smile thanks x

OP posts:
Original poster
BadBehaviour · 13/09/2019 10:13

Take one**

OP posts:
YouDoYou18 · 13/09/2019 10:42

Okay so I have a 50 kilo dog. He’s the most gentle giant ever, best friends with my 12 month old and couldn’t care less about small babies, just gives them a sniff, decides their boring and wanders off to find attention and ear scratches from someone else. However, I always shut him away at first when people come over, purely because he’s huge and has an awful time keeping all his paws under control and often knocks into you, and if someone is really uncomfortable with him then I either wait a long time before letting him back in, or I don’t... but then he’s got the run of upstairs and I go to give him head scratches constantly because I feel awful. I can honestly see both your points, although I do feel you might be slightly judging the dog purely on size and breed alone. It’s hard not to worry when it comes to your child. I would either suggest you work with your friend to get to a point that you feel comfortable being around the dog (I would be happy to accommodate this if asked) or you simply explain that you just can’t bring yourself to trust the dog, and while you are aware you might be being unreasonable in your feelings, you can’t change them so you won’t be visiting!

CheeryB · 13/09/2019 10:43

Hmmmm why did that particular dog bite a toddler I wonder?? I can't possibly imagine why? It is a mystery. There's no way that anyone could have stopped that from happening is there? hmm

They could have shut the dog away in another room. Then it wouldn't have happened.

Ohflippineck · 13/09/2019 10:44

I have a dog and children. Wouldn’t wait to be asked, would settle dig in a different room before you arrived. She’s a dog, she wouldn’t care!

Bookworm4 · 13/09/2019 10:53

Just read over this and tbf I wouldn’t be friends with someone who neglected their dog.

TrendyNorthLondonTeen · 13/09/2019 11:22

"They could have shut the dog away in another room. Then it wouldn't have happened."

They could have supervised the toddler and stopped it chasing the dog under the table. Then it wouldn't have happened.

But we can't have that, can we? 🙄

DriftingLeaves · 13/09/2019 11:31

@TrendyNorthLondonTeen you do know children matter more than dogs, don't you?

TrendyNorthLondonTeen · 13/09/2019 11:39

Where did I say that they weren't? God forbid parents are expected to actually PARENT their children.

LolaSmiles · 13/09/2019 11:47

you do know children matter more than dogs, don't you?
Of course they matter but there's an increasing trend with some parents of deciding that dogs should be kept locked up and shut away rather than them taking any responsibility for their toddler.
Just recently there was a thread where people were claiming that because their toddler is a toddler they couldn't possibly prevent their child running up to unknown dogs, yelling doggie at them, grabbing their faces etc. Apparently they're just being inquisitive, that's what toddlers do.

These same parents manage to prevent their child running in the road out of curiosity.

DriftingLeaves · 13/09/2019 12:47

Where did I say that they weren't? God forbid parents are expected to actually PARENT their children.

Or God forbid pet owners are expected to control their pet?

LolaSmiles · 13/09/2019 13:01

Or God forbid pet owners are expected to control their pet?
Gosh I mean it's utterly ridiculous to suggest that a parent prevents their child from chasing an animal that has already taken itself out of the way presumably because they feel afraid:
They could have supervised the toddler and stopped it chasing the dog under the table. Then it wouldn't have happened.

This is the issue. There are some irresponsible dog owners, but there are equally ridiculously irresponsible parents who are very selective in when they can be bothered to take responsibility for their child.

They manage just fine to prevent their child running it roads out of curiosity. They manage just fine not allowing their child to chase ducks into a river or reservoir. But expecting them to prevent their child in the same room as them to stop chasing an animal who is actively trying to get away from the child, and it's the pet owner who needs to exercise control?

This isn't an out of control dog who has actively gone for someone minding their business. This is a scared dog who has taken cover because a parent can't be bothered to say "you know what darling let's leave the dog for now", pick their child up and allow the owner to get the dog out of the situation. Responsibility works in all directions. Anyone allowing a toddler to harass an animal because they're a toddler needs to step up.

TrendyNorthLondonTeen · 13/09/2019 14:13

"Or God forbid pet owners are expected to control their pet?"

Control their pet that has tried to remove itself from the situation and has been cornered by some unsupervised brat?

TrendyNorthLondonTeen · 13/09/2019 14:15

@lolasmiles

That post is far too sensible for this thread I think. Remember on MN toddlers cannot possibly be held responsible for their actions because they're far too young but animals must be impeccably behaved at all times.

Fairenuff · 13/09/2019 14:26

YANBU OP

I would just leave it now and if friend invites you over decline and tell her why. It's not a judgement, it's just a fact - No, I can't come to your house because I don't want my baby in the same room as your dog. If she says she will put the dog in another room just say past experience has shown that she won't so you won't be going to her house with baby. Happy to meet up elsewhere though.

Then it's really her decision if she wants to continue to meet up with you or not.

Alittleodd · 13/09/2019 14:33

I feel like everyone could maybe keep small creatures of all species out of situations which could potentially cause them harm?

Like, maybe in the most sensible and logical way possible taking the feelings of loved ones into account because we care about them?

Maybe?

MountPheasant · 13/09/2019 14:43

YANBU OP; my sister was mauled in the face when she was a baby by my grandparents floppy old Labrador. You just never know what's going to happen.

People will always take objection to being asked to move their dogs because people get very funny about dogs. My sister has a lifelong phobia and there's a very neat line drawn between people who immediately move the dog into another room when asked, or sometimes before they are asked, and people who refuse because 'it's her problem'.

AzraiL · 13/09/2019 14:53

YANBU. You can only ask, and she has the right to accept or refuse. But if she agrees then refuses to once you get there, she's pulling a bait-and switch and that's unfair. I'm surprised you went back after the first time to be honest, I wouldn't have.

bellabasset · 13/09/2019 14:58

My friend has a dog who spends time with me. Her ex's gf has just had a baby. The dog is trained to sit quietly if in a room near the baby. But the baby is always safely held and the dog isn't on the sofa or too near, and there are two adults there.

I was walking with my dm and my 2 dogs on Wimbledon Common and we got chatting to a couple with GSD's. My dm was telling them that as a teenager I had been nervous of dogs and we'd stayed looking after friend's dogs when the gsd had come and sat by the bed. I called for my df and he made me learn how to be friends with the very well trained dog. This couple said that they never gave theirs squeaky toys or left them in a room unattended with small children. They explained that the dogs can get stressed by high pitched sounds and attack. So YANBU, however lovely and well trained to take care with small dcs.

1stmonkey · 13/09/2019 15:04

Yabu. Her house, her rules. You don't like it, you don't visit.