AIBU to ask friend to remove her dog from the room when I visit with my child?

[BadBehaviour]

I’ve recently had a baby and I have been taking my baby to see friends, one friend has quite a large breed of dog. I have asked her before I visit to remove the dog from the room temporarily whilst we are there. She’s agreed but when I turn up she hasn’t done it, nor is she willing to.

I understand it’s her home if she wants her dog in every room that’s her right. I just end up leaving as I will not take my baby inside. She refuses to meet up elsewhere.

So AIBU to ask her to remove her dog from the room we are in temporarily?

Thanks guys

I think it's the agreeing to not have the dog in the room before hand and not doing this when you visit which is the annoying thing.

All things considered I'm not sure a new baby and a large dog are too good a mix.

There's not much else to be done except not to visit any more, as the dog not being there is important to you, but not to her, and it's her house.

As you don’t mention anything other than it’s size, rather than because it’s badly behaved or aggressive, she’s possibly insulted at the insinuation she isn’t a responsible dog owner that would always supervise her well controlled dog around babies and children. Essentially you are saying you don’t trust her.

Just stop visiting. Staffie's are pretty small so if it is a staffie cross then I doubt it is a large breed dog.

I think you are being unreasonable. Just because it’s a large breed doesn’t in any way mean it’s dangerous. It’s the dogs home where it can usually roam around freely I presume. You getting it shut out when you arrive is only going to make it feel unsettled. I wouldn’t ban my dog from a room for no reason. If you are with the baby what on earth do you think will happen. You are completely over reacting.

Just read your post that the dog is a staff cross. You do know that staffies used to be nicknamed nursemaid dogs? Families had them to guard prams!

I have said I feel the dog is territorial.

Yeah but what makes you think that? Does it do things that appear aggressive or guard certain items? I'm just trying to ascertain what the dog does that make a you not comfortable around it otherwise it's hard to say who is BU

Thanks for your replies I just think if a friend visited my house with a baby & felt uncomfortable with my dog I would accommodate this. It’d the fact she agrees I turn up & have to leave immediately it’s frustrating & wasting my time

It doesn't matter why OP is worried about the dog near the baby. She has asked her friend to put it in another room when she visits, her friend has agreed, then she has refused to do it. Why would she not just say no to start with if putting the dog out of the room bothered her?

Personally I would happily exclude a pet from a part of my house temporarily while a friend visited if they asked me to, regardless of their reasons for it, because I want my friends to be comfortable in my home.

Given that she won't shut the dog away and won't leave the house so won't visit OP or meet elsewhere, I would assume that she's not bothered about the friendship, sadly.

I’m not very convinced that someone describing a staff as a large dog is best qualified to assess territorial behaviour. Do you mean it barks when the door bell rings?

That's not even remotely true Artichoke! It's a nickname because generally they are a breed that is good around children but they weren't bred to guard prams!

Don't visit the house. It may well be the gentlest softest natured dog, but if you're not confident the dog is safe, then you need to meet elsewhere. Don't risk your baby's welfare, for anybody. Your friend will feel the same about her big dog, it's her baby. So a mutual meeting place will likely suit everyone.

As awful as it sounds, I just wouldn't visit. If you feel the dog is a risk to your baby then just steer clear. She doesn't sound like a very good friend, if you are clearly uncomfortable with the dog she should just pop him in a different room for the duration of your visit. I have a friend who is terrified of dogs so when she comes round for coffee I put my big daft Labrador upstairs in my bedroom with a bone. Everyone's happy!

Sayhellotothings the dog sits on the sofa & if asked to move he doesn’t. He tried to stand over his owner either in a dominance way or protective way. I once kissed my friend goodbye & the dog started to bark at me. I don’t mind this I don’t care but I don’t want this around my baby. Hope this makes sense

Ditch her
the two of you are incompatible

I think you are being unreasonable, however no more unreasonable than her not meeting elsewhere, which puts you at a bit of an impasse.

Three visits and you haven’t got over the threshold? I’d give up.

Yanbu. If it's making you uncomfortable or worried about your baby's safety she should understand, especially if she's a friend. You are willing to compromise and meet elsewhere she is not. Is she anxious about leaving her house? If that's the reason then that's fine but she should be willing to accommodate your feelings if she expects you to accommodate hers. If that's not the reason than its a one sided friendship.

Dogs are not humans no matter how much you love them. They are animals who originally lived in packs and have a pack mentality. Dogs have to know what order in the pack they are and that humans are higher ranking. Otherwise even the kindest gentlest dog can hurt a baby. She is treating her dog as more important than your baby. She is the dogs owner so the dog views her as the leader of the pack. The leader of the pack has placed her dog in a higher rank then you or your baby. I wouldn't want to risk bringing my baby into her house. She's either clueless and doesn't have full control over her dog and regards the dog as having equal status in the home, or she's fully aware and enjoys using her dog to intimidate or make people uncomfortable.

This Personally I would happily exclude a pet from a part of my house temporarily while a friend visited if they asked me to, regardless of their reasons for it, because I want my friends to be comfortable in my home.

I remove my cats from the room for some friends because they don't feel comfortable around them. I think it's a ridiculous fear but they're my friends and I'd rather shut the cats out of the room for an hour than have my friend not visit.

Cowface I didn't say they were bred to guard prams. I said families had them.

Ask her to visit you instead.

Why should the dog be removed (assuming it's showed no aggression) my dog actually pushes off into another room when kids visit because they are noisy. Obviously don't leave the baby alone with the dog but generally I can't see the problem

I’m with you. most dogs are absolutely lovely but they’re animals at the end of the day. Trust your instinct. There is one dog I will not let my baby near even though its owner insists it wouldn’t harm a fly. I just don’t trust it’s behaviour.
I’d either just stand with babe in arms while I was there or just not go. It’s her house and her dog but if she doesn’t want to make the effort to see you then maybe she’s not worth bothering with!?

Thank you again for all your opinions I guess I just feel disappointed that she doesn’t take my feelings/concerns seriously. I’m a first time new mum we can all relate to it...how protective we feel of our babies when they are so tiny. Regardless of the dogs size or character I don’t feel I can take that chance or trust an animal around a tiny baby

I love my dog. But if I had a baby and I was nervous about a friends dog, then that would be it. It doesn't matter whether staffies are known as nursemaid dogs or they are really soft etc. You asked for the dog to be put in another room and she has refused. I wouldn't have gone back the second or third time. If she wants to see your baby, get her to come to you.No dog. Unless she's not interested in seeing your baby and is doing it on purpose, she is being completely insensitive and selfish.

YANBU.