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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask son who was staying with me to leave for being awful to my cat

205 replies

Crystalcrazy · 10/09/2019 23:18

My son is in his early 20’s and has come to stay with me for a few days as he usually works away.

I have a two year old cat who likes to pounce on your feet when walking past. She’s not aggressive, it’s only playing.

Tonight I heard him shouting and went to see what had happened. He said the cat had chased him and tried to bite him and if she did it again he would kick her. I tried to explain she was playing but he was very angry and insisted he would kick her if she did it again.

At the point I said his behaviour was unacceptable and it may be best if he stayed with his dad who lives nearby.

He has now gone, I have text him to say I don’t want to fall out but no answer.

I honestly felt uneasy leaving him with her while I’m at work tomorrow. She’s a house cat so couldn’t go out.

Did I overreact?

OP posts:
TatianaLarina · 11/09/2019 08:59

Presumably you leave your cats to shit all over the house then, or do they magically decide to use a litter tray?

Humans don’t train cats to use a litter tray their mother does (or another cat in some cases).

TatianaLarina · 11/09/2019 09:02

He did Barbarian. RTFT.

macem · 11/09/2019 09:03

My 6 year old DS was terrified when our new kitten attacked his feet, he solved the problem by wearing wellies.

Large wellies for your son OP?

BarbariansMum · 11/09/2019 09:04

Well my tortoise has taught all our local cats not to mess with tortoises, so if a tortoise can teach a cat not to do something then I expect a human can too. They are not incapable of learning that doing x has unpleasant consequences and is best avoided.

Hey1256 · 11/09/2019 09:08

You definitely overreacted and are being very very unreasonable. It's a cat and he's your son, could you not have. Disciplined him some other way instead of throwing him out? The crime doesn't fit the time lol

thecatneuterer · 11/09/2019 09:09

@TatianaLarina Humans don't teach cats to use a litter tray. A tray just needs to be provided and it's instinct (they can learn from their mothers but even kittens and adult cats that have live outdoors all their life understand what a litter tray is for without 'training'). Cats really can't be trained to do anything.

Bubsworth · 11/09/2019 09:11

It was an empty threat as he was probably a bit shocked or scared thinking the cat was trying to hurt him, so he reacted in anger by making a threat.

If he was going to kick the cat all he'd have done it the first time. So I think YABU.

CrunchyCarrot · 11/09/2019 09:11

Well done giving him the boot (and not letting him boot the cat!)

thecatneuterer · 11/09/2019 09:14

It was an empty threat as he was probably a bit shocked or scared thinking the cat was trying to hurt him, so he reacted in anger by making a threat.

No, he repeated the threat later when he certainly wasn't 'scared'. He is an adult visitor who is threatening to harm the OP's pet. Of course he should have been asked to leave.

onedayiwillmissthis · 11/09/2019 09:18

You know your son. You know your cat. If you believe him when he tells you he will kick the cat then you are right to tell him to leave. He is an adult who must take responsibility for his own behaviour. Aggressive violence towards any animal should not be tolerated.

madcatladyforever · 11/09/2019 09:22

My son knows he would be out if he ever hurt an animal in my home. Luckily he loves cats. Sometimes you need to put your foot down, you cannot allow him to behave like this.

madcatladyforever · 11/09/2019 09:23

Hurt a cat today - hit a woman tomorrow.

UndomesticHousewife · 11/09/2019 09:23

Abuse of animals is highly correlated with perpetrating domestic violence.

I actually agree with this. Anyone that can hurt an animal is a nasty fucker and can hurt a woman or a child.

ilovesooty · 11/09/2019 09:24

No and I wouldn't be trying to accommodate and indulge him in future either.

butteryellow · 11/09/2019 09:30

You clearly felt that he was a danger to the cat, so you weren't over-reacting at all.

He could have chosen to put on some shoes instead, he could have been annoyed at the cat for doing it, and ask that you try to keep the cat away from him, but telling you that he was going to kick it if it did it again, whilst calm shows he meant it, and as an adult, he can go elsewhere in that case.

summersherewishiwasnt · 11/09/2019 09:30

Yabu. Kick the cat syndrome appears to apply to you both. He sounds stressed, you make the event sound like you have a short fuse for your ds.

TatianaLarina · 11/09/2019 09:31

Humans don't teach cats to use a litter tray

I know, that’s what I said.

TheNoodlesIncident · 11/09/2019 09:33

You absolutely can train cats - look at Kaiser the Bengal cat on YouTube! My cat is trained to sit and hold up a paw for a treat, it didn't take her long to learn that and wasn't hard to do.
I would definitely want to train my cat not to pounce on people's feet like that, it's really not acceptable. The owner might not mind it but other people most likely would, so it's only common courtesy to others to discourage that kind of thing.

Having said that, OP's DS's response to it wasn't remotely acceptable either. Asking for the cat to be kept away in a particular room or getting a water pistol for future attacks are far more appropriate. Kicking a cat? 80 kg bloke versus 3 kg cat? Urgh no...

Whocutdownthecherrytree · 11/09/2019 09:38

No. It’s sad he doesn’t respect animals. Your cats not safe

honeyrider · 11/09/2019 09:38

OP you were right to get him to leave as you're the only one who knows if he would follow through with his threat or not.

thecatneuterer · 11/09/2019 09:42

@TatianaLarina Sorry - namechecked the wrong person. I meant to tag the poster you were quoting who I now can't find.

SpinsterOfArts · 11/09/2019 09:47

YABU. He would have obviously been unreasonable if he'd actually kicked the cat, but he didn't. You should have offered to shut the cat in another room, or taken other steps to ensure that it didn't pounce on or bite him. You might find that behaviour playful but for someone who isn't a cat lover, it's very unpleasant.

When I was your son's age, I visited a close relative who had a dog. I'm not especially fond of cats or dogs, and this dog kept jumping up on and barking at me. Constantly, not just when I first arrived. At first it was startling, but when the relative made it clear that the dog was allowed to do this and that my discomfort with it amused her, I was upset. The result? I never visited her again.

Saying in anger that you want to kick a cat isn't very nice. Prioritising your cat over your son isn't nice either.

(Also I'm baffled by the suggestion of 'disciplining' an adult man in his 20s from a pp. Can we not infantilise adults, please?)

recklessruby · 11/09/2019 09:48

Yanbu. Have you got the cat after your son left home? He doesn't seem familiar with cat behaviour.
Young cats do chase feet, pounce and bite.
It was a bit of a shock to us when we got a kitten after years of only having adult cats.
We soon learnt to keep shoes or slippers on as it bloody hurts.
My ds came home after we got her and likes to walk around in bare feet.
Fortunately he s a massive animal lover so just started wearing socks in the house (thick ones).
I had to wear them in bed as she would sneak under the duvet to get feet.
Shes 2 now and has stopped doing it thankfully.
If any of my dc threatened to kick my pets they could leave too.
I rescued a cat from abusive neighbours where the 20 stone man kicked her across their driveway. She had a broken rib Angry
And yes he was an abusive arsehole to his wife and kids too so much that she left him.
Your son was being unreasonable not you.

SulaHula · 11/09/2019 09:52

How about offering him a solution like a squirt bottle? If the cat bites/pounces on him and he can give it a squirt and she will soon leave him alone. But I'd be very clear that while the pouncing cat is annoying he could kill it with a swift kick and he'd be done for animal cruelty....

RavenLG · 11/09/2019 10:07

I would probably have threatened to kick the bloody cat too and have never hurt anyone in my life. If you don't love cats this is not cute or playful, it's unsettling, unpredictable and it hurts.
A random child in the supermarket hit me with his toy sword on the shin. I didn't love him (or most children) and didn't find it cute or playful, it was unsettling, unpredictable and it hurt. So it's ok for me to kick the shit out of that child then? Cool.