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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask son who was staying with me to leave for being awful to my cat

205 replies

Crystalcrazy · 10/09/2019 23:18

My son is in his early 20’s and has come to stay with me for a few days as he usually works away.

I have a two year old cat who likes to pounce on your feet when walking past. She’s not aggressive, it’s only playing.

Tonight I heard him shouting and went to see what had happened. He said the cat had chased him and tried to bite him and if she did it again he would kick her. I tried to explain she was playing but he was very angry and insisted he would kick her if she did it again.

At the point I said his behaviour was unacceptable and it may be best if he stayed with his dad who lives nearby.

He has now gone, I have text him to say I don’t want to fall out but no answer.

I honestly felt uneasy leaving him with her while I’m at work tomorrow. She’s a house cat so couldn’t go out.

Did I overreact?

OP posts:
transformandriseup · 11/09/2019 03:09

YANBU - not over reacting

I’ve not met anyone who has said they would kick a cat. That’s not normal behaviour.

mathanxiety · 11/09/2019 03:18

Oh the irony of your last sentence, LaCitrouille...

malificent7 · 11/09/2019 03:58

Overreaction and im a cat lover. I often insult my lovely cat but i wouldn't threaten to kick her.

minesagin37 · 11/09/2019 04:09

No you don't go to stay in someone's house and threaten to kick their cat! You didn't trust him not to after talking to him so you had no choice. It says a lot about someone if they are willing to hurt animals. A bigger discussion needs to be had.

catismychild · 11/09/2019 04:22

Lacitrouille, you cried for days over being touched by a dog and you think the OP is overreacting? Confused

@crystalcrazy You absolutely did the right thing. If anyone threatened to hurt my cats they would never be allowed back in my house.

flumpybear · 11/09/2019 04:27

Hurting the cat is not acceptable but it can be annoying when parents take sides with a pesty pet - my PIL have a dog that jumps up, bites and scratches at my kids, enough to tear mynDDs dresses when she wears nice ones 🤬 and scared my DS who was a baby when they got her and they just say 'oh leave the dog alone she's being friendly' which annoys me and DH - he pushes the dog away and shouts no so she's learning (it's taking forever to train that mutt though 🙄 bloody hound)

Coyoacan · 11/09/2019 04:38

I probably doesn't help anything, but I'm curious how you, an animal lover, have a son who could be cruel to an animal?

AdoreTheBeach · 11/09/2019 05:16

Sorry op but you need to train your car not to attack people. Someone who isn’t aware of your cat and it’s poor behaviour, when attacked may actually inadvertently kick your cat away from them out of reflex.

I don’t agree with your son saying he would kick your cat if it did it again. That’s cruel and immature thing to say. Rather, he should’ve asked you to put the cat in another room during his visit or rather, you should have offered. You need to work in your cat’s behaviour. People shouldn’t have this happen when they visit

I have had 5 cats throughout my life, from childhood onwards. None of our cats simply attached peoples feet. We had one that would play aggressively, but did not initiate this with just anyone. The most any of these cats would do to visitors would be to rub up against someone or sit in their lap.

So frankly, YABU for not training your cat not to attack visitors feet and your son is BU for voicing his frustration, in that manner, at being attacked by your cat.

If the were a dog, the replies would be very different. However, cats do understand the word no and can be trained. Be a good cat owner. Also, be a good hostess when people visit. Poor son.

Plasebeafleabite · 11/09/2019 05:32

This makes me laugh “I’ve owned lots of cats and none of mine ever attacked ...”

Shock horror as every cat has its own personality and some attack even whilst enjoying going outside and being perfectly reasonable at other times

I’ve got a biter OP and her attacks do make the family wary. I can’t imagine my DS kicking her though. YANBU and I hope you can resolve it

makingmammaries · 11/09/2019 05:43

There is no need for a cat to pounce on feet and if discouraged they do stop doing that (I have 4 cats and some of them used to do it when young) so I think YABU.

Fatshedra · 11/09/2019 06:17

Well, if you stay with someone, or even visit them, you put up with their pesky pets.
He is way over the top being nasty like that.

MaxNormal · 11/09/2019 06:27

YANBU at all. And people who have transformed your little cat into a vicious, biting scratching hellbeast are idiots.

The damage that would be done by an adult man kicking a tiny creature weighing only a few lbs doesn't bare thinking about Sad

Fundays12 · 11/09/2019 06:29

He reacted badly but it sounds like your cat has been reared badly and allowed to do these things. Animals should never be allowed to just swipe or bite and can learn just as kids do it’s not acceptable.

AngelsOnHigh · 11/09/2019 06:29

I don't blame him for leaving. My DSIL had Burmese cats and when I used to go there with DH they used to land unexpectedly on me . They used to sit on a high cupboard and plop down on me from there. Dig their claws in and stare at me daring me to move.

DSIL often had infected scratches on her arms or legs but always made excuses for the bloody cats.

I refused to there for a long time. Then DSIL said she would put the cats outside when I was there.

MaybeitsMaybelline · 11/09/2019 06:40

Presumably you thought he meant it when he said he would kick the cat. Therefore yanbu. Is there more to this, is his behaviour aggressive?

We have two cats and love them dearly, we play with them, Yelp when they attack our feet and tell them off when they get us up at 4 for food. But as much as a pain they are I know my adult DC would not hurt them.

If I thought they would they would have to go because who hurts an innocent animal for a reason like this.

Serial killers in the making ...... (only half joking)

IceCreamBrain · 11/09/2019 06:42

She’s a house cat so couldn’t go out.
^ this is far worse than speaking out of turn in anger/pain.

Stop keeping the car captive and let it out!

RuffleCrow · 11/09/2019 06:43

It almost sounds like you and your son have just met.

OpportunityKnocks · 11/09/2019 06:52

Yanbu. Awful, just awful.
For the pp that say you've chosen your cat over your son. Op hasn't disowned her son, she's asked him to leave for the sake of the cat, because, guess what, violence toward a small animal that's just playing is entirely unacceptable. I would do the same.

Op, you might need to get some different toys and teach your cat some more positive interactions

PinkSparklyPussyCat · 11/09/2019 07:05

YANBU. I don't have children buts if either of DH's adult kids threatened to hurt my cat I would throw them out and they wouldn't be welcome back.

Fluffycloudland77 · 11/09/2019 07:12

Yanbu. Our cat still plays like this at 10 and no he’s not neglected he gets plenty of attention and play.

thecatneuterer · 11/09/2019 07:14

@Plasebeafleabite indeed!

YANBU OP.

Icecreamsoda99 · 11/09/2019 07:14

If she's using her claws in when she pounces, on what I assume are shoeless feet, that would be blooming painful. There are ways to stop behaviour like this, you "yeowl" at the cat when it does this - like its litter mates would have when it was learning to rough play as a kitten, kittens do this to communicate that the play has got too rough and it's a way of training the cat that this behaviour is not a nice game.

Peanutbuttericecream · 11/09/2019 07:17

Of course you weren’t being unreasonable! I can’t believe some posters thought you were!

Poor cat. 🙀

Doobigetta · 11/09/2019 07:22

YANBU. Your son is an adult now and you aren’t responsible for his welfare any more. You’ll always be responsible for your cat’s welfare and that includes not having people who can’t be trusted around her in her home.

It is annoying and painful when they attack your feet. My cat is two as well, and is a particularly energetic and active breed. We let her spend as much time out during the day as possible to work off the energy. If it’s rainy and she won’t go out, however much we play with her and try and tire her out, she’s still noticeably antsy and will get carried away and fighty. There’s only so much you can do and I wouldn’t assume the OP is doing anything wrong just because her young cat behaves like a young cat.

Icantthinkofanynewnames · 11/09/2019 07:23

I think you did! Cats have horrible little sharp claws and can really hurt even when playing!

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