Work colleague texting every night

[summ]

My work colleague who I spend 40 hours in an office with comes home and wants to text me all night and talk about work and other irrelevant stuff. I'm really getting irritated by it now I really didn't want her to have my number in the first place but she asked multiple times I felt awkward saying no. She is almost double my age. It's very odd and people who I've mentioned it to say it's creepy. She isn't like this with anyone else at work there's many other people she could try and befriend if she really wants, she's been here a few years now. I've done nothing to encourage this I like to keep work and private life totally separate and don't like texting at the best of times. Many times I've ignored messages but it makes me feel rude and makes no difference anyway because I still get them every night. Even weekends sometimes. AIBU to be really pissed off about it and WWYD?

Just don't reply?

Or simply say "i'm spending time with my family, we can discuss this at work. Have a nice evening."

STOP REPLYING

She sounds lonely. Be kind.

She doesn't sound lonely, she sounds manipulative.

Lonely is being overly chatty, trying to initiate a friendship maybe ... not harassing someone at every waking moment.

Blocking sounds like a overreaction.

A text that says something along the lines of ‘I’m taking a social media break / I try not to text outside of working hours’ is kinder.

So so sorry! Thought I started a thread. Didn't mean to comment above!

Btw... I'd definitely block your work colleague. And when she asks you did you see her texts just say there's an issue with your phone and not all texts come through.
Problem solved!!

Thanks Bookworm!!

Just ask her to stop all this nonsense.. It would drive me mad., I don't send text messages to anyone, and nobody sends any to me, its great !

Have you ever read this, or watched the film?

Just tell her you don't want to think about work when you're at home so can she not text as you're relaxing

Re the jobs, just say thanks but I'm enjoying my job, why don't you go for it

Personally I'd block her (wouldn't have given her my number in the first place though), if you don't want to do that, just ignore her and don't reply. If she says anything, just tell her you've started to turn your phone off in the evenings as you don't need it.

'Hi. Too much messaging after work time - i can't cope with this. So I am blocking your number from my mobile. None of this can't be done in work time. See you tomorrow'.

Stop replying, mute the chat if it’s whatsapp or just block the number.

If she asks at work just say home time is for family, you’re not really on your phone much.

Either you tell her you want to switch off from work and not have texts about it.

Or, you put her number on mute.

At work just say you're in the middle of something. Can you wear headphones?

Thanks for all your advice, as expected my unanswered texts from last night were followed up, twice. First time I said ah I seen it I'm actually quite bad with replying and second time I told her I'm not on my phone that much when I get in. I should of been more firm, I will be next time and the time after, as I know what she's like and wouldn't of got the point yet and the texts won't stop yet. I feel she finds it very difficult to grasp things and read signals.

I see a lot of this these days (or "X friended me on fb but i didn't really want to"). It is difficult and awkward if someone is pestering you for your number. But many of us need to learn to set boundaries and be firmer. At the time it is awkward, but it stops this kind of thing in its tracks.

OP i think you have to grasp the nettle with both hands and talk to your colleague. Don't make excuses like "oh i don't check my phone in the evening" etc. Just say that you want to keep work and private life separate and that she shouldn't text you at all.

Regarding the issues at work, as PP said if she asks you to explain things, refer her to the person setting the task. If she interrupts, you can hold up a finger and say "later, please" (or something similar).

Good luck!

I feel she finds it very difficult to grasp things and read signals

That's because the signal you gave out is one of being available after work.

Just to be clear I've never gave the impression that I'm ok with texting me every night about rubbish, when I have replied it's been short and to the point and I've left it a while before replying. Personally I would get the point straight away but she seems unable to.

She doesn't sound lonely, she sounds manipulative.

I was just coming in to say exactly this. The texting issue is the least of your worries. Just ignore them.

The bigger picture here is the way she is behaving at work - the constant interruptions, talking about you applying for another job in front of managers.

She has some other motivation here and you need to be on your guard and get this sorted.

Good luck and I hope you manage to sort things.

...and tell her I'm really bad at texting but I really don't see it making a difference!

It won't make a difference because you are still taking the onus for responding, just saying you are bad at it.

All you need do is reply one last time, saying you prefer not to text outside of work hours, & that you will catch up with her in the office.

Stop replying for a start, next time she asks why you didnt reply just say 'the evening after work is my own time to spend with my family and I don't check my hone, we have 8 hours a day to talk, I don't spend that much time with my family.' then stick to your guns and don't ever answer the texts.

I've been distant this morning just getting on with my work and not engaging in chit chat and I've been asked twice if everything's ok 😬

You should've just been your usual self and tackled the texting as an individual issue. Now she thinks there's something 'wrong' in general.

Just persevere with that op. Eventually she will get the hint. Headphones are a good idea if you can. I sat near someone very talkative for years and I was able to zone it out and not reply. Luckily though she wasn't offended. Sometimes I got sucked back into conversation, though, it's natural. Always regretted it as I felt I had to be rude and ignore her to end it.
You are probably going to need to become quite hard on it, and cope with the awkwardness. I'm sorry to say but it doesn't sound like she will ever stop. You may need to find a new job if you can't cope with it in the office.
As for texting at home - stop replying, ever. When she mentions it always repeat, sorry, i will never reply at home to work colleagues.
This will tell her straight she is a work colleague and not a friend. And yes it is rude and awkward but it's the only way if you want it to stop.