Work colleague texting every night

[summ]

My work colleague who I spend 40 hours in an office with comes home and wants to text me all night and talk about work and other irrelevant stuff. I'm really getting irritated by it now I really didn't want her to have my number in the first place but she asked multiple times I felt awkward saying no. She is almost double my age. It's very odd and people who I've mentioned it to say it's creepy. She isn't like this with anyone else at work there's many other people she could try and befriend if she really wants, she's been here a few years now. I've done nothing to encourage this I like to keep work and private life totally separate and don't like texting at the best of times. Many times I've ignored messages but it makes me feel rude and makes no difference anyway because I still get them every night. Even weekends sometimes. AIBU to be really pissed off about it and WWYD?

Well... there IS something wrong. Her treatment of you! I would reply quite sharply that yes, I am a bit annoyed because I am trying to focus and I keep being interrupted, please can you leave me be.
If she still insists I would give her a very stern look every time she speaks to you and say nothing. Just the look, for a few seconds, then look back to your work and adjust face back to neutral.

“but it doesn't sound like she will ever stop”

Well, if she’s a actually told then there’s a fair chance she will stop! OP being vague and quiet isn’t going to work.

@summ

This sounds so similar to something which happened to a colleague (A) of mine. Turns out another colleague (B) had been texting her every night, demanding replies etc. All to talk about work and how everyone is against her and no one helps her, hates their boss etc. (A) was too nice and would reply.

This ended up really affecting (A) but none of us knew until it all kicked off. (B) did something to really hurt (A) in work and tried to (badly) apologise. (A) asked to be left alone for some time and some peace. If that had been it, it would have been fine. (B) couldn't handle this and kept messaging/texting/calling/emailing/writing letters to (A) trying to justify what they did and play the victim.

(A) blocked and stonewalled them for a few weeks but one day when eventually it was just the two of them in the office (B) kicked off saying because (A) wasn't talking to them they were becoming ill, having to see GP, hospital, night terrors and said all their problems were (A)'s fault.

Thankfully (A) kept all evidence of what (B) did and their attempts to contact them and being asked to leave them alone. (A) reported this to management where (B) was disciplined, warned this was harassment and that if (A) wanted to go to the police they would support them. (A) moved desks and says that she feels like a massive weight has been lifted. No pressure to reply to messages when she would rather be with family. Not having to look after (B) at work events as she doesn't want to go on her own.

None of us knew as from the outside they looked to be work friends but (A) is so much happier now. We are all, also, very wary of (B) and make sure to keep a polite and work only relationship.

Please try and nip this in the bud. It sounds like you're doing that. Maintain the professional (work only) relationship. What happened to my colleague was going on for over 5 years and slowly chipped away and broke her down.

Oh, god. Sorry...that was long. I definitely second if you can wear headphones as some workplaces allow that. If you are at any work events, try to keep your distance and socialise with others where possible.

OP, you must say “I need to finish this, can I talk to you after

No, don't suggest that she can ask you again later. Say "Sorry, I'm really busy, please ask XXX (the manager)"

Block her and say I am having signal problems with my network to soften the blow.

Wow. This is why we set boundaries like an adult when someone asks for our number or when something starts to bother us. Grow up. Grow a spine. Stop blaming this poor lonely lady, you have communication issues take charge of your life. This is crazy to me. Wake up. You did this not her. Assertive communication is the only effective method to use, not aggressive, not passive, not passive-aggressive. You have some things to learn about life. Also who cares how old she is? You talk about feeling rude. Because you are being rude. You can't be mad at people for doing petty things that bother you if you can't find the guts to tell people what's going on. It's not her place to figure you out, you have to tell her what you're about.

You give the worst advice. What is wrong with you people, you all need to do some research on flawed communication styles and setting boundaries. No one is going to believe a lake excuse like this and it will only make things worse

I should of been more firm

Yes, you should have. You had the perfect opportunity, too.
You really have to bit the bullet and tell her that you're not going to be answering messages when you're at home. You're really not doing her any favours by leaving her hanging.

@Artisticgirly you sound like the type of person who behaves in this way judging by your reply. If I was texting someone non stop and getting very little response to most my messages and when I did get a response it was vague and straight to the point, it would occur to me they don't wish engage and I would stop as I would be embarrassed, is this not common sense?! Surely anyone would be able to tell. When I reluctantly gave her my number she said 'promise I won't stalk you' in a joking way but obviously that's gone out of the window. Again if I asked for someone's number and they didn't give me it, i wouldn't dare keep asking them. If anyone's rude, it's you.

I've been distant this morning just getting on with my work and not engaging in chit chat and I've been asked twice if everything's ok

'yeah, I'm fine, I'm just concentrating, I've got a lot on, sure you have too'
and turn back to your work. Just because she wants to stall her career by chatting all day, doesn't mean you have to.
As for the out of hours stuff, just don't reply. All she learns if you reply every 3 or 5 messages, is that if she keeps on at you, you'll reply eventually. This is, assuming, you don't want to continue this relationship. If you do, then I guess you reply as it suits you NOT because she's guilt tripping you into it. I had a friend who'd try this, would want to know 'where the hell I'd been' if I didn't reply immediately. That...didn't end well

I had a work colleague like this, we weren't even in the same department so only a small amount of contact actually in work. It came to a head, long story short, when she wanted me to meet her on Xmas Eve (was late too). I just said no, I'm with my family (she was married with young children so not lonely).

Block

You could respond that no you are not OK, you find it hard to get on with your work when you are interrupted a lot so would she please stop it.

I really have no idea why you haven't just politely addressed this. You can do it via text (I gave an example earlier in the thread.) I agree with Artisticgirly - you are assuming this person has the same social comprehension as you. Clearly she doesn't. So be direct and lay out your feelings clearly.

It will be interesting to see if there are texts tonight.
If there are, ignore them.

It will be a few days of awkwardness if you are anything like me, but sometimes that is the only route to the outcome you need.

Just ignore them, limpet lady will find another rock to cling to

Erm, maybe she is really lonely and is reaching out? If she considers you to be her friend? Personally I would try and make an effort maybe do meet up with her outside of work and see if you do have anything in common. See if she’s ok. Blocking her would be awful. And her age shouldn’t be an issue.

Um... why don’t you just talk to her and tell her you don’t want to talk “work” outside of work?

make an effort maybe do meet up with her outside of work
that's the last thing I'd do, she tramples all over you as it is, imagine what she'd do if you gave her that kind of encouragement
before you know it she'll be sleeping in your bed, wearing your skin

She sounds lonely

Maybe she’s lonely, I think you should make more of an effort with her. There’s no need to be cruel.

H007

But the OP can’t take responsibility for all the lonely people she comes across. No one can. And no one should have to.

It’s not cruel to not be friends with someone.

When I reluctantly gave her my number she said 'promise I won't stalk you

eeek! That statement would have made me instantly concerned - but you'd already given the number out so too late ...

I mean - who mentions stalking when someone gives you their number unless you've been accused of it in the past and/or you know damn well it's a tendency you have?

promise I won't stalk you
translation
'I WILL stalk you but now you cant call it stalking cuz I've said this'