Work colleague texting every night

[summ]

My work colleague who I spend 40 hours in an office with comes home and wants to text me all night and talk about work and other irrelevant stuff. I'm really getting irritated by it now I really didn't want her to have my number in the first place but she asked multiple times I felt awkward saying no. She is almost double my age. It's very odd and people who I've mentioned it to say it's creepy. She isn't like this with anyone else at work there's many other people she could try and befriend if she really wants, she's been here a few years now. I've done nothing to encourage this I like to keep work and private life totally separate and don't like texting at the best of times. Many times I've ignored messages but it makes me feel rude and makes no difference anyway because I still get them every night. Even weekends sometimes. AIBU to be really pissed off about it and WWYD?

What sort of job do you do?

I would text: 'Im really trying hard to leave work in the office and have more of a work-life balance. Would you mind not texting me about work stuff in the evenings? Im struggling to switch off and my mental health is suffering.'
When she texts or says 'ok' face to face. I'd respond 'thanks, I knew you would understand. I appreciate your support.'
Perfectly friendly and pleasant resetting of the boundaries.

I have a younger friend at work. Hope it’s not me .

I would just say you are cutting down on screen time and your phone goes off every evening.

Easiest thing is to ignore the messages and when she asks you why, just tell her you work til x o'clock and have no desire to think about it, let alone be texting about it, after that time. If she sends one more text block her.

You don't owe her anything. Just don't respond ever and yes block her.

It will sink in eventually

Whoops

Well presumably you don't send your friend several texts about work when you are not at work?

If you do - why????

ok... so she's vulnerable.
If you can't tell her straight that she's being a nuisance, then ration your replies to once a day, maybe 10am or 4pm. That's the level of friendship you can offer.

Ignore. Ignore. Ignore.

It’s got nothing to do with her age - she’s just socially clueless. People like that come in all ages.

On most phones I think you can hide notifications from individual numbers. If she asks you the next day why you didn’t answer, say something like “To be honest, I tend not to be looking at my phone in the evenings these days as I much prefer to switch off and relax instead of getting into conversations so there’s usually not much point texting me after hours, sorry.”

I would tell her, politely and professionally, that you don’t wish to communicate outside of work. Say there’s been a misunderstanding and you only gave it out in case of emergency.

if you say you won’t want to talk about work, she will likely just contact you about other things.

It’s not compulsory to answer texts. Ignore them and when she asks you the next day if you got it look at your phone and say ‘just got it now’
Do it everyday and she will soon give up.

I would just say to her that you hadn't noticed the messages until you went to bed and then it was too late. Say you don't like using your phone at night (particularly if you use a screen at work.)

Does she live alone?

YeOldtrout

“ok... so she's vulnerable.”

Oh, I’ve missed something then...

@Whoopstheregomyinsides Why would you think it was you? Do you also bombard colleagues with texts in the evenings? If so, at least you now know not to.

Not every day but today we did- was continuation of a conversation cut short as I had to leave work before she did...Pretty sure it’s not me but I do like to analyse myself in all situations and wonder if it is me . It was the “older” comment that made me do a double take! I’ll await a terse textmessage and if none comes then it’s not me!

Tell her you are having a digital detox and not using your phone in the evenings, or it annoys your partner some white lie to save her feelings but be nice at work

Just ignore them and say you were busy if she asks ..she will give up after a week or two .

Text "taking a break from technology in the evenings for a while. Catch up tomorrow!". Do it once, and then you can ignore without feeling rude

And no I don’t message every day ! Just happened to today and then saw this thread. I really don’t think it’s me. Honestly!

I'd just be honest and say that I was very busy at home and have a lot going on with family etc so don't have time for texting out of work. Say you are happy to discuss work things at work though.

“She’s vulnerable”
“Does she live alone?”

FFS, she is a grown adult with a job and the OP is her colleague, not her social worker. Millions of people live alone without behaving like this and being a nuisance does not equal vulnerability.

If she is lonely, there are any number of ways she can meet likeminded people through hobbies, singles meet-ups, volunteering, online dating, night classes or a million other things. It doesn’t mean it’s OK for her to latch on to a colleague who doesn’t want to be mates.

There’s a scary thread on this topic running.
Just don’t reply,hopefully she’ll take the hint.

I would ignore the messages or only reply quite late saying ‘Sorry, been busy. Going to bed now’.
Just don’t interact.
.

Isn't it a shame you can't get reception at home at the moment?