Work colleague texting every night

[summ]

My work colleague who I spend 40 hours in an office with comes home and wants to text me all night and talk about work and other irrelevant stuff. I'm really getting irritated by it now I really didn't want her to have my number in the first place but she asked multiple times I felt awkward saying no. She is almost double my age. It's very odd and people who I've mentioned it to say it's creepy. She isn't like this with anyone else at work there's many other people she could try and befriend if she really wants, she's been here a few years now. I've done nothing to encourage this I like to keep work and private life totally separate and don't like texting at the best of times. Many times I've ignored messages but it makes me feel rude and makes no difference anyway because I still get them every night. Even weekends sometimes. AIBU to be really pissed off about it and WWYD?

Indeed she didn't MrsMiss and if I may derail for a minute, thank you for a polite, considered response it's never too late to set boundaries though. OP has tried to do this, and unfortunately the work colleague hasn't listened. I agree with other posters who say that this person doesn't have your best interests at heart OP. Perhaps intentionally, perhaps due to poor social skills, but the result is the same. She's causing you distress, and in order to deal with this, you're going to have to be extremely firm with your boundaries. It doesn't have to be a rude interaction, but it will, by the sounds of things, be a difficult one.

She moans about work, needs help with it and always sends you job links. She's either wanting you out or is hinting for you to fill in applications for her and help with her CV.
Neither is your problem but all the calls for blocking are a bit unrealistic. In real life, no one blocks their colleagues. Blocking is for exes, social media predators and cold callers.
Just stop engaging. She can't engage if the traffic is only flowing one way.

I just didn't want to cause a bad atmosphere or tension but it seems like the right thing now.

No the right thing would be to say 'I've blocked you from my phone as you just don't stop texting me.'

In real life, no one blocks their colleagues

I would absolutely block a colleague who subjected me to this. In fact I have none of my colleagues on social media and only a couple have my personal mobile for emergency only (I book hotels for work and there has occasionally been an out of hours problem. Any other colleague who wants to contact me or vice Versa out of work hours has to go through our boss.

Good luck with the meeting. She needs to be told to back off. As for her needing your number in case she's sick or late - she doesn't. She can ring through to the office number. For the love of god just block her from every means of contact. She does not have any reason to contact you outside of work. And if she's late or sick and can't get through to the office landline then that's not your problem. She can email the office manager.

Tell your manager that she is bullying you. She’s sending you links to apply for other jobs! Extraordinarily passive-aggressive behaviour imo. The message from her is that she doesn’t want to work with you / she wants you to leave. You have asked her not to do this and she continues to do so. Her harassment of you is unprofessional and needs to be dealt with by her manager.

You need to tell your manager as she could get worse fast.

Just reply back with none engaging answers

ie I dont know, maybe, could be, we'll see, possibly, probably etc

end each 1 with spek tomorrow X

She will soon get the hint

Well come, you may say you would block but then you went on to say that you don't have colleagues on SM nor do you routinely give out your number so that's yet another real life scenario where you wouldn't block.

If you had given a number out and wished you hadn't, there are dozens of options before blocking which would be less awkward, more professional and more direct to be explored which all pretty much involve firstly communication then withdrawal of engagement.

Have you had your meeting @summ? How did it go? Did you mention the afterhours texts and your requests to colleague to stop sending stuff to you and them continuing to do it?

In real life, no one blocks their colleagues

Yep, they do. None of my colleagues have my personal mobile number. Some have asked and I've said no immediately, as they have no reason to have it. If they need to call me, call the work mobile, which is turned off every evening when I don't travel for work.

Perhaps I'm different to others. I am not friends with any colleagues at all and it's been that way for 30 odd years. Work never crosses over into my personal life. It works well for me.

I have had this....it got dreadful. She followed me to my hobby club and a.pissed everyone off and b.told everyone we were best mates. Oh and c.tried to break up my marriage. Unhinged people are terrifying so please ignore anyone who suggests you are unkind. Google grey rock. I got away from her by being amazingly dull and claiming depression...and droning on about my kids (she was highly disinterested in her own...) you have to be DULL and they wander off.

Same here Phil but not giving a number isn't the same as blocking.

@summ
Sorry if this makes your phone ping yet again OP but may I ask - How did it go? The meeting with your Manager I mean.

My meeting was cancelled today as manager got caught up elsewhere so I haven't been able to speak to them about it, picked up more of her mistakes today, it's so frustrating but with me not being there very long I don't feel like it's my place to bring up her performance unless manager asks. It's just been tough today as I'm really at my wits end and totally dreading next few weeks just us.

I'm in a similar situation with a friend. She is a lot older than me but always texting and wanting to do things with me. I'm having a lot going on at the moment and can't cope with the full on texts and wanting to do stuff.
I left it a few hours, before replying to a text this week and she sent it 'again' in case it hadn't sent. I mean wtf .

If it doesn't directly impact on your work, I'd stop correcting her mistakes.

@Sagradafamiliar I know it's not the same, but if they somehow got hold of my number, I wouldn't hesitate in blocking them and then immediately telling them I had. In the instance with the OP, I'd block and lose no sleep over it.

IsawyouinTesco, I would make a point of not replying for at least 24 hours and each time she sends you a reminder punish her by making her wait another day for a reply
it could be a fun game for you 🙂

FGS just stop replying! Not non-commital replies or any other. If she contacts you because she's ill and can't get hold of the right manager, you don't have to reply even then, surely. Just pass the message on.

There's already the beginning of an atmosphere because you are more stressed than you should be, entirely due to her.

Stop replying. Do NOT feed the troll.

Depending upon what sort of phone you have - Android, iPhone etc - you could mute her. You'll still receive texts but you won't get notifications of them coming in. You can look later at work.

I would even be tempted to read them out to her "you asked me last night about X, but we discussed it yesterday so you know what you need to do; what's this next one? Oh I see, but again you know the answer; now you're asking if I'm OK because I haven't replied, the answer is I was busy. Here's one with a job link, no thanks I'm happy here."

May not be the best idea though.

I understand you think you've been clear and we don't have your exact words, but it comes across a little bit weakly that you don't think about work rather than you don't want to hear from her about work. You need to be much more blunt. "I asked you to stop messaging me and you sent me more messages last night. I don't want to get messages from you; I've blocked you on messenger and will block your phone if you send another unnecessary message." If she questions it, "I told you I don't want to think about work when I'm at home. I don't want to get messages from you; I will block your phone if you send another unnecessary message."

Perhaps this women has something like autism or similar (I’m not good at medical names and symptoms so It could be something else, apologies) which makes her miss social cues or has had a past brain injury? That would explain why she is unable to grasp what you are trying to tell her.

I think you just have to be firm but kind. You need to say the same words over and over until you meet with the manager. The first thing she will ask is have you told this woman not to text you or interrupt you during work and after work. So you need to make sure you do so repeatedly. Finally the message my go in. Perhaps backed up by your manager putting her straight.

During the day I understand you won’t want to grass her in for her mistakes, but I’d pull her up quietly on them. Ie when alone, I was in the finance spreadsheet and there’s an anomaly in column B and C you might want to check as they don’t seem right. Once you’ve done that a few times it’s up to her whether she wants to fix them or not. At least you’ve given her the heads up. And can always continue to say you need to concentrate sorry you can’t chat just now.

Don’t correct her mistakes for her. Then if your line manager finds them she will be made to be more careful. Are you in any danger of being accused of being the one who made the mistakes? If so you do need to mention to the manager.

If she keeps making them after you’ve given her the chance to fix them grass her in.

Mute your phone and NEVER reply. If she asks why tell her that phone is the one you use for work. In working hours. Done.

You really need to be a lot more blunt with her. And stop replying to all messages. Even a message saying you aren't interested is still contact. Complete silence and blunt conversations are needed.