Work colleague texting every night

[summ]

My work colleague who I spend 40 hours in an office with comes home and wants to text me all night and talk about work and other irrelevant stuff. I'm really getting irritated by it now I really didn't want her to have my number in the first place but she asked multiple times I felt awkward saying no. She is almost double my age. It's very odd and people who I've mentioned it to say it's creepy. She isn't like this with anyone else at work there's many other people she could try and befriend if she really wants, she's been here a few years now. I've done nothing to encourage this I like to keep work and private life totally separate and don't like texting at the best of times. Many times I've ignored messages but it makes me feel rude and makes no difference anyway because I still get them every night. Even weekends sometimes. AIBU to be really pissed off about it and WWYD?

Don't block her. It's unrealistic and cowardly. You have to work with her. Be a bit more aloof and 'professional' with her. No smiley smiley polite friendliness. Be blunt but not unkind. With the messages just say something along the lines of 'I'm not much of a texter actually. Tell you the truth I'm a bit of an unsociable bugger like that - I don't really talk ' school' at home. Anyway I've got some bits to do... ' then stop replying or send blunt replies. She can't fail to get the picture. You're stating your case without drama. I used to be terrible for being drawn into friendships with people I found overly intense but now as much as it still makes me cringe sometimes, I've learnt its OK to say no or to back off from people I don't want to be friends with. Takes practice though. Good luck

Could you ignore her texts, then - when she asks at work if you received them - tell her you have changed your number, so you won't be seeing anything sent to the old number? I have done that before now. Then tell her you're not giving out your new number, other than to family and close friends, as you want to try to keep work and home separate.

@summ you just need to learn the difference between rudeness and assertiveness.

Don't reply outside of work and if she questions that say you don't check work messages outside of work hours.

She interrupts when you're working you simply say you need to concentrate.

If she brings up something inappropriate then you have to respond with how you feel, don't be sucked in to a situation you're not comfortable with.

She's driving this, you'll merely respond as you feel fit.

Just tell her you can't cope with so many texts and when you're at home, you want to relax. She'll stop bothering you and no doubt will find someone else to text.

"HI X, this is my home time now. Talk tomorrow. Bye x"

This is definitely the best reply on the thread:

that weirdo from work is messaging again

The trouble with saying you don't want to text about work or blaming your mental health, is that it opens the door for her to continue messaging you, but about personal stuff. It also blurs the boundaries even more, so instead of creating distance, she could see you as becoming more intimate.

Similarly, if you say you don't want to text in the evenings, she might think it's fine on the weekends.

Texting this could help:

Taking a break from technology for a while. Catch up tomorrow!

If she sends you loads of messages, you could mention it, eg:

Wow! That's a lot of messages! Let's catch up tomorrow.

After that, I would just not reply and if she mentions it just say something like, you're not a big talker/texter.

One of my loved ones likes to talk (too much sometimes). I've been known to say things like:

"It's nice to be quiet sometimes, isn't it?"
"Look over there!"
"Oo! Hang on a sec!" (and then silence).

You need to have a certain relationship/vibe for this sort of humour though.

Another idea is to start wearing headphones/ear protectors when you're working.

Just ignore them until you're back in the office.

Maybe she’s lonely. And because you’re someone she’s spends a lot of time with that maybe she considers you a friend. Please don’t block her

I would say that I’d decided to take a break from technology and have been keeping my phone switched off in my handbag from as soon as I get home. Then I’d make some general comments about how much less stressed I felt and how I’m sleeping better and how she should try it. Then at least the scene is set for long term unavailability!

“Maybe she’s lonely. And because you’re someone she’s spends a lot of time with that maybe she considers you a friend. Please don’t block her”

This comment is a major reason I don’t mix work and real life any more.
You can’t take on someone just because they haven’t got anyone else.

Is it possible she has a bit of a crush on you OP?!

Block her and tell her why.

As well as the suggestions above about cutting contact out of work time, can you also just tell her you're busy when she tries to blabber at you at work?

Has she been there longer than you? Does she feel threatened that you're doing a better job than she is? It sounds like her constant interruptions and mentioning other jobs when your manager is around are methods to sabotage you.

Can you have a quiet word with your manager, let them know you are happy at work despite what colleague is indicating and try to find a way to manage her interruptions?

Can you have a quiet word with your manager, let them know you are happy at work despite what colleague is indicating and try to find a way to manage her interruptions?

What I meant was ask your manager for ideas / help in managing her interruptions, whether they're work related (help me with blah) or just chatting ones.

As you're still reasonably new in the job, making a point to your manager that you're worried her interruptions may cause you to make mistakes and you want to ensure your work is of the best quality you can do.

YADNBU. I would tell her you will speak to her at work. Then I would ignore the message.

I wouldn't necessarily find the age difference thing strange; I'm assuming you're both adults? I would however find the constant texting very annoying and quite an invasion of my personal time. I've had a colleague like this before. I just use to reply to the odd text. She was persistent and continued to text and text however it did slowly decrease and now it's just the odd message, which I don't mind.

Op you don’t need to get your manager involved. Either send one of the replies suggested or ignore.
It really doesn’t need to be a bigger issue than that

Ignore the messages. Headphones at work are your friend.

It's really easy. You simply don't respond, then when she mentions it at work, you say you don't really do messaging or look at your phone in the evening any more, so it's really not worth her contacting you out of work.

And yes, if you can wear headphones at work, do.

1. At work if she's talking to you while you are trying to concentrate stop what you are doing, turn to face her and say "I need to get on with this, please let me concentrate. I'll try and speak with you later, BYE"
2. Text messages outside work hours - ignore entirely. If she asks at work why you didn't respond, tell her work and home life are going to be seperated from now on, so you will only talk about work when you are actually at work - and if you have time even then as you are busy with your own tasks

Have you actually asked her not to text you? I can’t see anywhere that you have done so.
I would just tell her work stuff is for in work hours so you won’t be answering any of her texts. Something like ... I only deal with work matters during work hours. Please don’t send me any more texts as I won’t be replying.
You need to be firm and to the point.

I would reply with a text equivalent of an out of office email.

This is an automated reply. Summ is out of the office until 8.55 tomorrow morning so is not available to discuss work issues.

Make it exactly the same each time.

Ignore her messages and when she asks you about it say that you you don't check work messages outside of work hours. If she says something like, "it's not just work stuff I'm texting about" say that you often switch your phone off in the evenings as you or you and DH don't like to be disturbed. If it feels easier text her just one time something like, "sorry, didn't pick up your texts. I've started switching my phone off in the evenings". Some variation of that.

If it were me, I’d just ignore the messages completely tomorrow and then when she mentions it at work I’d say, “Sorry - I did see them but evenings are my family time and I’d rather not keep being reminded of my working day.”