Work colleague texting every night

[summ]

My work colleague who I spend 40 hours in an office with comes home and wants to text me all night and talk about work and other irrelevant stuff. I'm really getting irritated by it now I really didn't want her to have my number in the first place but she asked multiple times I felt awkward saying no. She is almost double my age. It's very odd and people who I've mentioned it to say it's creepy. She isn't like this with anyone else at work there's many other people she could try and befriend if she really wants, she's been here a few years now. I've done nothing to encourage this I like to keep work and private life totally separate and don't like texting at the best of times. Many times I've ignored messages but it makes me feel rude and makes no difference anyway because I still get them every night. Even weekends sometimes. AIBU to be really pissed off about it and WWYD?

You need to be honest. Tell her you don't want to text in the evenings, you just want to relax and watch tv / whatever you do.
Don't dilly around the subject, be honest!

She doesn't text my other colleagues I've spoken to her about it and she's told me it's not acceptable and that she shouldn't be texting me all the time outside of work. I told her today that I switch off soon as I go home and don't think about work. She wishes she could do this she said! Aswell as telling her the day before that I'm really bad at replying and don't really check my phone on an evening. Yet I've just had another text and I've only left work an hour ago. I'm going to have to stop being scared of hurting her feelings and be more firm because it's really bothering me, I just don't want it to be awkward as there is only going to be us for the next few weeks.

@Jeremybearimybaby the thing is she didn’t have the boundaries to begin with when she gave her her personal number and replied to her message. I know that’s not helpful now, she is where she is. I say about being kind because OP is not the one with the potential issues. She feels annoyed, resentful... but she doesn’t know how the other woman feels. Ask her is my advice. In person not text. In the work environment and with others around. Ask her to establish what the messaging is all about. It might give helpful insight into how to proceed. Maybe she is being unkind to OP. Maybe she is desperately hoping that OP is a good friend who can help get through a tough time. Unless she asks her, she won’t know if the woman has insight, is aware of the boundaries.... we can infer all we like, but probably best to just ask her.

Just block her.
I had something similar with a male friend who was always emailing me. He didn't want to do anything in real life like a real friend would, he was just emailing all the time. I got fed up in the end and blocked him.
If she says anything else just fob her off again, with your too busy. If she continues then I'd go to the manager.

If you’ve spoken about it and she says it’s not acceptable, has she said why she does it? My guess is that she is replacing another relationship that she had, or trying to for want of a better word rekindle how communication used to be in the early days of her messaging you... if you’ve found out all you can and the person has not indicated any further explanation could you ask for a meeting with e.g manager or HR present to discuss boundaries? Ie there should be no need for work messages as working full-time together. Could you have a work WhatsApp group that other people are on too, to ‘share’ the intensity of this colleague’s attention, and keep it all in a semi-public forum for your own piece of mind?

Yet I've just had another text
clearly words just wash over her so stop wasting your breath and just delete them all, dont reply.

What did the text say?

I agree about all the advice to ignore and delete but it’s just the intrusion of knowing they’re there isn’t it? Even if you don’t read them, just seeing her name pop up is automatically making you think of work. I think if she is still doing it after you’ve told her, you do need to be direct. She isn’t having much consideration for your feelings.

@MrsMiss sorry I realise my last post wasn't very clear, I meant I spoken to my other colleague about the texts and that was who said it wasn't acceptable. This one tonight was just on about jobs she's looking for and asking if I'm ok, I only left work an hour ago when it came through and I was ok then. Normally it's work related.

Could you mute or block her number after what you've said today she's had sufficient warning

Could you say ‘yes thanks see you tomorrow’ without alluding to the idea that you are not going to message again tonight... it could escalate her attempts... I don’t know. I appreciate it is really hard on you - try to talk to her tomorrow? Be good to reach a resolution before the weekend. Good luck!

I don't like colleagues having this number for the same reason. I'm pretty blunt about it.

"Can I have your number?"
"No. I work with you, I see enough of you!"
"Can I have it in case I need to call in sick?" or whatever reason
"Ok, but if you text me about anything other than telling me you're sick I'll be telling you to stop messaging me"
If they do message I tell them not to message me. I hate thinking about work outside of work.

Sorry, just seen the updates

I'd send a firm "please stop messaging me. As I mentioned I really like to switch off from work as soon as I leave at 6pm. I find it helps my mental health to keep my professional and social life separate. I'm sure you understand. See you tomorrow"

"I was OK when I left work with you an hour ago. I'm still OK. Nothing has changed, why are you asking?" Or something like it.

OP, you're going to have to be rude to her.

I'd been awake for a matter of minutes this morning when a job link came through. At my wits end with this because I've told her multiple times I'm not looking, what doesn't she understand! The woman is clueless. She sent this on messanger (I don't have her on fb, she started the messages on there somehow). I had to stop myself from replying and telling her again and please stop sending them because I think she wants my attention. I'm going to do it person and just competely ignore any messages.

You simply have to block her. You have been far too nice and accommodating. Her behaviour is completely unacceptable. I’m sorry that this is happening to you but it is time for a robust approach. Enlist your workplace colleagues for action.

Block her. Tell her you've blocked her and it's because she doesn't seem to be taking what you say onboard.

JUST BLOCK HER ALREADY OMFG

Sorry. But you have the power to stop this I don't understand why you don't just block her!

Op are your more senior/have a better role/ her direct competition in anyway?

Because

1. She only seems to have befriended you
2. She tries to distract you from your work a lot
3. She’s sending you links to other jobs

Is she trying to stealthily get rid of you but you’ve not realised because of her trying to be friends?

I will be blocking her messenger now it's the only option, but the only reason I haven't blocked her phone is incase she's off sick or going to be late and needs to inform me if manager or other colleague isn't around. I've got to work and told her I seen the link but I'm honestly still not looking, and if I did want to in the future it would have to be for something better but I'm doing some qualifications through work atm and I'm happy, which she knows, maybe you could apply though I said. She said ok I'll sending them then, she's said this before so don't believe it!

You need to speak to your boss and HR about this. You also need to be very blunt and tell her to stop, that you are there to work and do not want to be interrupted with her idle gossip, if she can’t do part of s job then she needs to ask her boss not you. Be very clear, follow up in an email and cc in hr and your boss.

Every time you respond like that you are not making it known you are not wanting this level of contact.

I’d have sent this. ‘Please stop sending me these links, I’m not interested. It’s is also yes unacceptable to be messaging me at this time in the morning’

the only reason I haven't blocked her phone is incase she's off sick or going to be late and needs to inform me if manager or other colleague isn't around

If she is off sick or late, then her manager is the person to contact, or the office, not you.

I'm a higher band than her but I don't get paid that much more, she could of applied for my job if she wanted to but she didn't, she enjoys doing the bare minimum. I've got a meeting this morning with my manager I've spoken to my other colleague and she too has agreed that I need to mention it to manager. I just didn't want to cause a bad atmosphere or tension but it seems like the right thing now.