Work colleague texting every night

[summ]

My work colleague who I spend 40 hours in an office with comes home and wants to text me all night and talk about work and other irrelevant stuff. I'm really getting irritated by it now I really didn't want her to have my number in the first place but she asked multiple times I felt awkward saying no. She is almost double my age. It's very odd and people who I've mentioned it to say it's creepy. She isn't like this with anyone else at work there's many other people she could try and befriend if she really wants, she's been here a few years now. I've done nothing to encourage this I like to keep work and private life totally separate and don't like texting at the best of times. Many times I've ignored messages but it makes me feel rude and makes no difference anyway because I still get them every night. Even weekends sometimes. AIBU to be really pissed off about it and WWYD?

I like @viques suggestion from last night. Reply with a text that closely resembles an out of office message.
Alternatively, block her number at night and unblock each morning.

Definitely something you could mention to your manager as it's encroaching on your work/life balance and mental health.

@summ make sure you turn off the "read" notifications in your messages - otherwise she'll see you have read them!

@summ......you've just got to tell her "we get on right? But for me, work is work and home is home - that includes sending texts. Sorry but I need my headspace in the evenings, I'd appreciate if you could stop texting please..,thanks v much"

She must just really like you and want to be friends?
It would drive me mad though! I domt like to think or talk about work as soon as i leave the building.

I also don’t think it’s because she likes the OP, I just think she needs her help. Being a bit of a user.

OP came at a time where this woman was probably feeling insecure at work and a bit rejected. Sad on her.

I had someone like that at work and she completely drained me with her negativity it actually affected my performance at work until I just wanted out of the situation.

I needed her help on certain things at work, and so went to her for advice as she is a senior worker.. only for her to think I need to return her Favor with absolute loyalty.. doing her entire work.. while she skips days and relaxes..

It’s very unfortunate that’s why when we first join work, we need to ask the manager who is assigned to to help us out. And not let anyone who offers us to do us favors do that because in some cases it’s how they want the relationship to be for a while. Favors back and forth and they could be dependent and reliant.

It’s important to establish a professional distance first then decide who deserves favors and who doesn’t..

I’d try to be tactful, then lie! Say your husband, parent, child, whoever needs help in the evenings and your switching your phone off as they get upset because your preoccupied with it... or my eyes hurt and doctor says I must have less screen time so from 6pm to 9am your phone will be off!!!

& you can mute message notification on WhatsApp/Viber for 8 hours, 1 week, & the best, a year...

Re her chattering in to you at work, you need to be firm with her. If you do make a mistake or underperform nobody is going to accept the excuse that she distracted you and you were too polite to stop her doing so. It is your responsibility to make sure your performance isn’t affected by her so you need to be firm.

@summ......you've just got to tell her "we get on right? But for me, work is work and home is home - that includes sending texts. Sorry but I need my headspace in the evenings, I'd appreciate if you could stop texting please..,thanks v much"

This is a great answer. Either this or the automated answer. All you’ve got to do is keep copying and pasting the previous message.

Everything that everyone else said !!

Yes, ignore her texts in the evening and if she mentions it the next day tell her you were busy and don’t want to be on the phone all night plus you don’t really want to talk about work in your own time. And definitely ignore her at weekends.
As for chatting while you work, just keep saying you want to get on with your work and you will chat at tea break/lunchtime.
You are under no obligation to reply to texts. She has to get the message sooner or later.

There seems to be a few similar threads recently about work colleagues sending texts outside of office hours. We used to be able to keep work life and home life seperate - it is obviously different where actual friends apply, but your colleague seems to be another desperate person trying to suck the lifeblood out of a younger colleague. Sorry for the drama, but it is not on. Don't open her texts, she is a someone you work with only and has no business encroaching into your private time. I definitely agree with PP who suggested you speak to your manager, this is not what is considered as work/life balance.

Her age is relevant especially she lives alone. But if work is her life and she has latched on to you it’s going to be hard to shake her off .
Her behaviour with this constant texting is affecting you adversely and seems to be becoming quite obsessive . Is this what is worrying you and preventing you from giving her the hard word ?
Make yourself as boring to her as possible - if she has other friends she sees she will give up and contact them .

Hi OP,

You’ve had plenty of advice about not returning the texts etc. But the talking talking talking while you are trying to do your job is going to get you in trouble, making mistakes etc. In the past when this has happened to me, I’ve politely chatted for a couple on mins and then said “right, please excuse me now as I have to get my head down and get on with this work”. I have also resorted to headphones to drown out background noise so I can concentrate.

I also have a personal rule of no Facebook friendships with anyone at work, even though colleagues have requested it. My answer is “please don’t be offended - you are a great work colleague but I prefer to keep social life & work friendships separate”

I don’t want my colleagues nosing around my holiday snaps, kids and seeing me on a pissed up night out via my private social media.

Simple - boundary’s & stick to them. Good Luck OP x

I wouldn't block as you still have to see her at work. I would just only reply occasionally and ignore some of the messages, then say sorry I was busy.

I know it's a problem I did texting with someone from work for about a year I had gone brutally honest and told her "stop messaging me all the time, I'm not interested in chatting anymore" it was rude of me but it had to stop people at work thought I was unreasonable and she turned her back on me which I was delighted with. Had to stop and pleased it did. She's long gone now. I don't personal number out at all anymore. Not interested in chit chat. Good luck.

I agree with being as boring as poss. I've currently got a PT colleague who keeps trying to get me to go for lunch with them on the days they're in. Every time I decline they lodge a complaint against me with my manager. If got to the point now where I'm having to email my boss when I get a lunch invite so they know some sort of fib is coming their way in an attempt to punish me.

I've tried to be as boring as possible and interest seems to be waning, but it's not nice.

I have posted this before on here possibly under another username.....
I had a friend who would text me everyday all day constant from 8:30am when she knew i was up to get kids too school till bedtime i am a sahm so she thought obviosly that ment i had nothing better to do with my time that to be at her beck and call it got so bad she knew my daily routine and if i didnt message here back asap she would pop into my house to check i was ok and chap and bang my door sometime window till she got an answer.it got to the bit when my dh went out nightshift i would go to my bedroom so the front of the house looked as if no one was home. Her texts were worse and examples of what she would text
Ruok?
Kids get away to school ok today?
Are you getting my messages ok?
Have i offended you?
R u ok? Whats wrong? Going to pop in as i am worried u are not messaging me back..

All that was wrote in the space of 1 morning all before 9am and the only reason i didnt reply was because i had been up all night with a sick child and we were still in bed sleeping.

There are many many more examples of her behavious which ended up becoming a bit stalkish i ended up having to just black her completely as she was getting far too intense.

Bees “Every time I decline they lodge a complaint against me with my manager”

😱😱 how is the manager handling it? Poor you, that’s awful.

What Jeezoh said.

RosaWaiting I think this colleague has form for reactions like this and the managers are keeping track. My manager and I go way back from working on multiple projects together so I feel supported. It's just shit having to pre-empt something all the time because I don't want to 'go out and play' with this person.

How about telling her you've promised your other half you'll keep your evenings just for his calls ...or that you've agreed to turning your mobiles off in the evening as you're gong to enjoy some 'you time'

Bees terrible. If they have form and management have many concrete examples, they should be sacked.

Hints aren't working.
Tomorrow you need to say very clearly "do not text me anymore". In work or out of work. No white lies, no waffling on. Just one clear message.
Then do not reply to her messages and stick to it.

Step 2, don't let her interrupt you when you are concentrating on work. Don't help her too much, let her ask the manager instead. If she says out loud about a job, immediately say out loud, I'm not interested as I love it here. She could turn from stalker into making trouble for you.

Do mention it to your manager as she might be spiteful and tell them lies about you. Get in there first, so they know what's going on.

It's not easy, but needs to be done. You've been too nice for too long.

I’d just ignore and say you don’t check your phone at night much and don’t like texting....it’s your time and don’t feel guilty in the slightest about not wanting to engage. Just don’t be funny with her or treat her like a freak, but make your boundaries clear.

Turnitaroundagain, OP has already tried this approach and the colleague is still carrying on.