Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2 ··· 8 9 10 11 12 13

Original poster

Dh showers at 4am disrupting toddler

308 replies

Surfskatefamily · 09/09/2019 19:41

Aibu in asking him to shower the night before instead?

He seems to think I'm unreasonable. However he doesn't see how unsettled this leaves our son all day. He was sleeping through most nights before this. And has gone back to 2 or 3wake ups average and an earlier up time.

The shower is right next to sons bedroom

OP posts:

WaterOffaDucksCrack · 12/09/2019 11:39

Well I'd rather be woken up early by my child than be in a car accident with my child because other road users haven't been able to wake up properly.

lpchill · 12/09/2019 11:44

You could try and get him to shower 10-15 mins earlier or later. We had the same issue in our house and it was due to the shower being on during the light phase of sleep for my toddler. Hubby now showers slightly earlier and we don't have the issue anymore. (It was trial and error)

rosiejaune · 12/09/2019 12:10

It would obviously make more sense to shower the night before. This is not as likely to wake them as they have a higher sleep drive when they first fall asleep. So even if they are disturbed they should relatively easily fall asleep again. Whereas being disturbed in the morning is different.

Also, I always did EC with my child, and putting her on the potty in the night stopped her waking up too early, as she wasn't rousing more easily needing to urinate. She's 8 now, and I still take her to the toilet when I go to bed.

Any time I haven't done that (e.g. when we were staying at a friend's house and she was on the top bunk), she wakes up really early, needing the toilet.

So you could try that too, so they'd be less likely to rouse at that time if disturbed.

BlokeNumber9 · 12/09/2019 12:50

OP, suppose you had a thin party wall and your neighbour were the one having showers at 4 am. Would you expect them to change their behaviour to suit your family?

FrauHaribo · 12/09/2019 12:54

than be in a car accident with my child because other road users haven't been able to wake up properly.

overdramatic much?

Splash cold water on your face, that will wake you up just as well!

I mean, if you go there, road users who are falling asleep in the morning because they have been awaken at 4 am for no reason are just as dangerous

ALoadOfTwaddle · 12/09/2019 12:57

haven't been able to wake up properly.

Good heavens. I'd never considered this. So, before the invention of the shower everyone just wandered around in a daze bumping into things until mid-morning?

Tbh, if you're a dangerous driver because you're really tired you need to go to bed earlier.

FrauHaribo · 12/09/2019 12:58

BlokeNumber9
I seem to be on another planet than other MN, but most of my neighbours have always been considerate and tried to keep noise to a minimum. I might put the radio on loud when we all get up for an early flight nowadays, but when we lived in a flat we used to tip toe in the middle of the night.
Isn't that what normal people do?

MerryChristmasHarry · 12/09/2019 13:00

Cause a car crash because you couldn't shower? Now I really have heard it all.

FrauHaribo · 12/09/2019 13:02

Cause a car crash because you couldn't shower? Now I really have heard it all.

these are what makes me addicted to MN

Cheeserton · 12/09/2019 13:07

you keep quiet and you try not to wake them up?

Obviously, within all reason. Problem is that for most normal people having a shower before work is considered absolutely, basically necessary. He's not having a party at 4AM FFS, the guy is doing the bare minimum required before a working day! I might add that the poor sod is probably not having much fun getting up at four every day, yet is getting stick for washing properly before work?? It's bloody ridiculous. From some of the comments on here many wouid have the guy sleeping in a ditch outside and go straight off to work, just in case he opens and closes doors and wakes someone up....

This place is utterly, utterly ridiculous sometimes. Just bonkers.

FrauHaribo · 12/09/2019 13:14

for most normal people having a shower before work is considered absolutely, basically necessary.

of course it's not. People shower at night, people have a quick wash in the sink, most of us manage pretty well. absolutely necessary? really?

you're hilarious

Cheeserton · 12/09/2019 13:19

of course it's not

Ha, yeah right... Not normal to shower after a night's sleep before work??

Absolutely barking. And pretty grim. Having a shower is very, very normal to most.

WaterOffaDucksCrack · 12/09/2019 13:23

overdramatic much?
Cause a car crash because you couldn't shower? Now I really have heard it all. no because of tiredness. My friend and her 2 year old were killed due to a tired driver falling asleep so I'm very aware of how it can kill.

A study has estimated 1 in 6 accidents are caused by fatigue. And other studies have found it to be as dangerous as drink driving. Glad you find it funny!

www.brake.org.uk/news/15-facts-a-resources/facts/485-driver-tiredness

Ginnymweasley · 12/09/2019 13:27

I don't shower in the morning. I have a wash but I don't shower. I dont smell, I'm not a sweaty sleeper. I wear clean clothes everyday etc. Some people cant afford to shower everyday. Some people have skin conditions meaning they can't shower everyday. I only wash my hair twice a week as well. The horror eh?
My ds wakes up if the cat comes through the cat flap downstairs after 4am. But at night he can sleep through a police car with flashing lights and sirens on the street below. All kids sleep differently.

FrauHaribo · 12/09/2019 13:28

A study has estimated 1 in 6 accidents are caused by fatigue.

so people should SLEEP enough. Pretty sure it says nothing about the number of showers they have a day. Seriously, you are making less and less sense. If nothing else, you are proving that people should be left to sleep!

WaterOffaDucksCrack · 12/09/2019 13:31

So he'll have to go to bed at 8pm. Bet the OP will moan about that as well though.

FrauHaribo · 12/09/2019 13:35

shhh WaterOffaDucksCrack now you are projecting and just trying to be unpleasant.

Give it up. Have you pissed off a partner by being inconsiderate in the past? Is that what it is?

Ginnymweasley · 12/09/2019 13:43

wateroffaduck surely by the same logic the OP could also be too dangerous to drive as she is having to get up at 4am with a toddler after as she has stated she has been up a couple of times in the night with him. Tiredness is directly linked to the amount t and quality of sleep you get not whether you shower. The ops child is getting less sleep than he needs and so is the op. The ops dh on the other hand knows that he is getting up at 4am so should plan accordingly so that he gets enough sleep.

joblotbubble · 12/09/2019 13:43

Well I'd rather be woken up early by my child than be in a car accident with my child because other road users haven't been able to wake up properly.

He can sleep longer if he doesn't have to get up for a shower

MerryChristmasHarry · 12/09/2019 13:43

Fatigue and not having a shower are in no way the same thing.

romany4 · 12/09/2019 13:46

So, before the invention of the shower everyone just wandered around in a daze bumping into things until mid-morning?

How on earth did all the miners and mill workers cope?

Cheeserton · 12/09/2019 13:53

The horror eh?

Not necessarily, everyone is ultimately different. It's pretty ridiculous to claim that showering before work isn't the normal thing for a huge number of people though. Again, the guy isn't having a flaming party, he's getting ready to go to work.

IceniSky · 12/09/2019 14:02

Strange isn't it. All these people calling the DH a selfish entitled asshole. I think it swings both ways.

Of course he should have a shower before work if that is what helps him get ready for work. I wouldn't be going to work without a shower.

You can't tiptoe around a child. They need to learn to get use to the noise and normal family life . It's part of normal life. As is a child not sleeping. What time does he leave for work? Can he not put your child back to bed etc until he leaves? Or stay with them?

Have you thought about changing roles OP ? You go to work and your DH talking on your role?

MerryChristmasHarry · 12/09/2019 14:19

This thread is magnificent. It needs to go in Classics.

DecomposingComposers · 12/09/2019 15:07

The poor sod - he gets up at 4am to go to work and is labelled a selfish arsehole!

It is hideous getting up at that time to go to work. It's neither day nor night work. I have to do it every so often at work and try to go to bed by 8.pm but it's hard to go to sleep then.

I do hope that op and her child and quiet as mice once husband is in bed sleeping - because otherwise they're just selfish arseholes aren't they?

Flip

1 2 ··· 8 9 10 11 12 13

Swipe left for the next trending thread