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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Dh showers at 4am disrupting toddler

308 replies

Surfskatefamily · 09/09/2019 19:41

Aibu in asking him to shower the night before instead?

He seems to think I'm unreasonable. However he doesn't see how unsettled this leaves our son all day. He was sleeping through most nights before this. And has gone back to 2 or 3wake ups average and an earlier up time.

The shower is right next to sons bedroom

OP posts:
ALoadOfTwaddle · 11/09/2019 06:40

I couldn't go to work without showering and washing my hair

Well, you could. I mean, your unwashed hair isn't going to block your path to the front door and prevent you leaving. You just don't want to.

BeepBeeeep · 11/09/2019 07:01

I know, but when I get up on a morning my hair is absolutely wild. By wild I mean it looks like it's been hit by a hurricane.
I can't just tie it back as it's short.

FrangipaniBlue · 11/09/2019 07:17

"ooooh I couldn't possibly go to work without a shower"

Well, (medical conditions aside) you COULD you just don't want to. But guess what? Occasionally you have to put others before yourself.

Typical selfish entitled society attitude.

YANBU OP

mathanxiety · 11/09/2019 07:23

To call a grownup an arse for not letting a toddler dictate their lives is uncalled for. He is an adult who does not need to conform his hygiene schedule around a child.
rosewater

But the OP is an adult who would prefer if the quality of her day was not dictated by a toddler who is tired because he has been woken by a noise that doesn't need to be made at the time it's made. Essentially, she doesn't want the quality of her day to be dictated by the preference of he alleged co-parent for a shower at an unreasonable time.

Easy for him to stand on principle and then swan off, leaving wifey to deal with the shit, right?

Hmm
mathanxiety · 11/09/2019 07:27

...when I get up on a morning my hair is absolutely wild. By wild I mean it looks like it's been hit by a hurricane.
I can't just tie it back as it's short.

BeepBeeeep
There are all sorts of potions and lotions you could use to make your hair presentable.

Morgan12 · 11/09/2019 07:33

Did he do it this morning?

lilypips · 11/09/2019 07:41

Cant believe the replies about this.
Showering at 4am *
Bet the neighbours are happy.*

Well I don't know about you sock but my neighbours live next door Confused

lilypips · 11/09/2019 07:45

OP I'm sorry your child wakes up early, but having total silence in the house when he is in light sleep will only help his sleeping short term. He needs to adapt and adjust and learn to sleep through the noise. It's just sleep training and for some it takes years. Many adults now don't sleep well and wake at the slightest sound, I bet they had silence when sleeping as young children. Life goes on and baby fits in around it, not the other way round. I'm laughing at the people suggesting grown adults use various methods and products to avoid a shower

TomPinch · 11/09/2019 08:33

What a selfish arsehole. Your DH is being an exceptionally irresponsible, appalling parent. There are all sorts of studies that show that toddlers who are disrupted by showers grow up to have washing phobias, are more likely to set fire to public buildings and, and are much more likely to become serial killers.

onegiftedgal · 11/09/2019 15:46

YABU your toddler needs to get used to sleeping through some noise. Your DH has a right to wash when he wants to. Don't let your toddler rule the roost.

Pinball1 · 11/09/2019 17:28

You should get a box fan, I promise you it will block the sound out. You can face it away from your baby. We use it every night and it never gets cold in her room. We have a baby monitor that displays her room temperature. My older child had a sleepover and my baby slept through the entire night. We have no problem hearing her when she wakes up.

woodhill · 11/09/2019 17:50

@justbeingadad

Exactly.

ALoadOfTwaddle · 11/09/2019 18:54

You should get a box fan, I promise you it will block the sound out.

Mine doesn't. At it's incredibly loud with a loose something in it that rattles for good measure. 🤷

DecomposingComposers · 11/09/2019 19:10

4am is the middle of the bloody night!

Yes it is, when this poor sod is having to get up to go to work.

All those calling him selfish do you expect op and toddler to creep around the house in silence once the DH has gone to bed earlier than normal to account for getting up in the middle of the night?

WaterOffaDucksCrack · 11/09/2019 20:19

Surfskatefamily what time do you get up when you're at work? And do you have a shower beforehand?

stayathomer · 11/09/2019 20:23

I dont think he is unreasonable to want a shower. If I had to wake up at 4am, a shower would really help me to wake up and feel more human.

Year to this, you're not being unreasonable but neither is he, and i dont tghink hes being selfish or if it is it's deserved-getting up at that time is horrendous and I'd say the shower is the only thing keeping him sane!!!

stayathomer · 11/09/2019 20:25

Well I don't know about yousockbut my neighbours live next door
I will never ever stop laughing at this!!!Grin

WaterOffaDucksCrack · 11/09/2019 20:25

I also think it's ridiculous being called selfish and whatever else for wanting a shower before going to work to provide for your family. OP is your husband the main earner? If so could you do it instead? As this will no longer be an issue. Or you could split the roles of earning and childcare so you both see each other's point of view better. Or could he maybe look for something with more suitable hours? Having a shower will likely wake him up better. Which is important especially if he's driving.

And the posters suggesting a strip wash when there's a perfectly good shower sound ridiculous. Parenthood doesn't have to mean living in discomfort or misery! And no wonder so many people split if their partners try to control when they shower and try to force them to go to work without practising a perfectly normal routine.

stayathomer · 11/09/2019 20:26

Easy for him to stand on principle and then swan off, leaving wifey to deal with the shit, right?
I don't think anyone swans off at that hourGrin

Sockworkshop · 11/09/2019 20:37

Perfectly possible to disturb neighbours if you live in a block of flats Hmm
For some reason I thought the OP said she did Confused

Wakeupalready · 11/09/2019 20:52

I'm with the YABU. Sorry.
He works. It's 4am. I recognise that's a shit of a time if the toddler wakes up, but it's also not a great time to get up for work for your husband either. A shower probably helps him wake up, I know it does me if I have something on that means I need to get up at sparrow fart.
He's offered to try and find a compromise. I think that's fair.
He's not selfish. And nor are you. But if that is how things are with the 4am start, your child needs to get used to it.

NewPapaGuinea · 11/09/2019 20:54

“Occasionally you have to put others before yourself.”

Daily isn’t occasional.

FrauHaribo · 11/09/2019 22:37

Parenthood doesn't have to mean living in discomfort or misery!
Hmm

living with others, that you love no less, means for normal people to be considerate. So normal people are very quiet when they arrive late and the household is asleep, when they leave early and others are asleep and even be quiet if someone needs to nap or sleep during the day.

Some posters must be a bundle of joy if they have no consideration and respect for anyone else, sod anyone who could be asleep when they have to get up! No wonder somer posters believe that being single is a relief if that's what they've been used to!

stayathomer · 11/09/2019 23:33

Some posters must be a bundle of joy if they have no consideration and respect for anyone else, sod anyone who could be asleep when they have to get up! No wonder somer posters believe that being single is a relief if that's what they've been used to!

It's 4 o clock in the morning!!! Normal etiquette surely should go out the window!

FrauHaribo · 12/09/2019 10:14

It's 4 o clock in the morning!!! Normal etiquette surely should go out the window!

What etiquette? It's just normal consideration for your family. If you get up when they are still asleep, 3, 4 or even 9am, you keep quiet and you try not to wake them up?

I am absolutely amazed that it's not normal behaviour for most families.

If you know the shower will wake up your kids, you just .. shower at another time? I can't believe some posters.