To report this to Head of Year? *warning- explicit*

[mumofthree74]

Namechanged.

DD is 11 and has recently started at secondary school. She was added to the year 7 WhatsApp group a few weeks back which is mostly the girls talking about homework/uniform/school stuff.

Tonight another parent called me and told me to check the chat. One of the girls had shared the attached picture

I've removed DD from the chat and deleted the photo from her phone (autosave to camera roll) but I'm wondering if I should notify the school. I'm no prude but I'm truly horrified that an 11 year old would share it or even understand it.

I'm a new secondary parent and do recognise that the school are no as interested in out of school issue than primary but this feels like it crosses a safeguarding line?

WonderWomansSpin
There is a massive difference between expecting school to deal with fallings out on social media because parents CBA to remove phones on a night/generally do the parenting stuff and making school aware of some content being shared between young pupils.

I can't understand why any adult would have an issue with information sharing to keep children safe.

You might want to bury your head in the sand that a lot of this stuff isn’t normal talk for year 7s but that’s your problem.
I'd like to believe 12/13 year olds aren't having sex, but the reality is that in some areas that's far more normal than it should be. Thankfully I don't fail in safeguarding because it's normal for some vulnerable children.

I'd like to believe it's not common for early teens to have access to hardcore pornography, but I know they do and when I become aware of it I don't brush it under the carpet and say nothing because some people without any safeguarding training think we should say "but kids these days aren't innocent".

Thankfully safeguarding is about protecting children, not thinking "that's the norm for some children and with the internet what can you do?".

Taking the "but kids these days..." approach could lead to massive failings and children being harmed, but that's fine because everyone knows explicit details about sex at 11, sends sexts and images at 13 etc. "That's normal with smart phones, what can you do? Schools can't do anything". Then that child is groomed for CSE at 15 and suddenly people are shocked and appalled that more wasn't done, when they're the ones who've probably said everyone was over reacting on the warning signs.

@LolaSmiles

Yes!! This.

Lola I don't know where you got the idea I was against information sharing. Our school has sent emails/letters. They make announcements at meetings with the parents. The fact is that the parents of DCs who are in the middle of social media crises are the same parents who won't stop their DCs having social media. The only way to stop the cycle is to actually stop the access.

It's a huge snail isn't it? With a human superimposed onto it, comparable to a mermaid but less pretty.

You don't see big snails very often which is probably why the girl photographed it*. We have snails here but not so big, however I know they do exist in the UK. I think I'd be a bit scared of one of those!

*I see you've said it was photoshopped. Seems an odd picture to copy but maybe the girl thought it would make everyone go, "Ewwwww, scary".

Why report it? It's odd and rather 'yeuch' - in my opinion - but I can't see anything seriously dodgy about it. What did your daughter think of it?

WonderWomansSpin
The against info sharing was meant more widely (sorry I should have made that clearer and not MN between pregnancy sickness).

I agree with what your school says in terms of cutting off the source, but I do think there's a difference between "call head of year because our kids have fallen out on Instagram on Saturday" and "this has come to my attention and it might be useful for you in terms of safeguarding".

The types you mention are a PITA for schools because it's ridiculous for us to have demands for class changes because they can't be bothered to say no social media, or promote responsible social media use (block and delete if needed, no social media past a certain time etc).

OP doesn't come into that category though and some posters on this thread have a frankly worrying idea of what's normal and acceptable for children.

If you can't tell the difference between a silly joke and sexually-themed bullying, or pupils at risk of genuine harm, then you are going to be wasting time and resources demanding action from the school on a weekly basis, every time the kids get the giggles over something like this - and possibly leading to more serious safeguarding issues being missed.

This is a joke that refers to sex. It does not refer to abuse, non-consensual sex, or any kind of hate crime. It is basically harmless. The sex it's referring to is straightforward PIV sex, nothing else - and kids of 11 will know what PIV sex is because they will at least have been taught how babies are made.

@Rachelover60 You need to actually click on the picture to see it full size, so you can read the text we're all objecting to.
Honestly I don't know how some people manage day to day online!

If you can't tell the difference between a silly joke and sexually-themed bullying, or pupils at risk of genuine harm, then you are going to be wasting time and resources demanding action from the school on a weekly basis, every time the kids get the giggles over something like this - and possibly leading to more serious safeguarding issues being missed
This nonsense demonstrates how little you actually know about safeguarding

Most safeguarding doesn't stem from children making full disclosures. It comes from the adults around them reporting things that are age inappropriate or seem off, smaller things that could easily be dismissed if people took your view. Baby P happened because professionals allowe themselves to be brushed off, didn't flag up issues because they were just smaller things, they didn't stop to think about what was going on and if there were any red flags.

Say this issue gets reported to the designated safeguarding lead. It's age inappropriate at 11 years old unles you're an adult who thinks it's entirely normal for children 6 weeks our of primary to talk about semen dripping out of pussies.

Option 1 - No concern is raised again, end of potential issue. School are mindful that they need to look at order of PSHE topics, probably need to look at eSafety and online content when they review their programme.

Option 2 - Another teacher reports overhearing a conversation on duty that's sexually explicit beyond the norm for an 11 year old (they could dismiss it as a joke though, after all in your eyes we need to stop paying attention to this and do genuine safeguarding whatever that means). Then a rumour goes around and pastoral teams pick up on people suggesting that the girl is going out with different boys (we could dismiss that too as it's just a rumour and kids be kids, they're only 11). Then some students mention to their parents about how their friend has a boyfriend allowed round and why aren't they. Then the child's moods become up and down more than puberty, or they start being withdrawn or they start being extroverted and a couple of teachers can't work out why but it's quite unusual and not quite like normal puberty. Then another teacher reports that during one of their lessons the child seemed to know more than was typical of an 11 year old. The staff who reported the little things will know what others have previously reported.

And suddenly all these little things reported to the designated safeguarding lead give a picture that suggests there is a very vulnerable child here at risk of harm or being harmed. The designated safeguarding lead passes this onto social services and steps are taken.

Or we could not so that and just focus on serious issues. I'm sure option 2 where the child has witnesses inappropriate sexual material, been harmed, is at risk of harm, is at risk of CSE isn't that serious... After all we should just have ignored the jokes, they're just kids being silly.

edit The staff who reported the little things will NOT know what others have previously reported.

Excellent post @LolaSmiles, a fantastic summary of exactly how safeguarding should operate.

@Rachelover60 ... I suggest you read the words above the picture!

It is NOT a scary picture it is a vile sexual “joke”

As a teacher ive done safeguarding trainning reading this im shocked that so many parents dismiss it as just a joke , i guess as ive done the trainning i can see where it could potentially lead to and how its def a safeguarding issue. If im honest i believed it was more common sense , i guess not

@chicken2015 are you an english teacher?

No but i am dyslexic ur not the first and wont b last

Whatevskev
Given what chicken is saying is correct, it's a bit poor form to do the miserable online thing of ignoring the point someone makes in favour of mocking their SPaG.

I think most 11 to 12 year olds would understand this meme as long as they know about sex, which I think most would at this age. I'm not sure what reporting this would do. All they can do is speak to the girls, but they won't stop this kind of thing completely. I think it's par for the course.

I'm quite used to that comment after i say im a teacher sadly.

I'm not sure what reporting this would do.
Changes to PSHE lessons if needed, keep an eye on the child who shares the content, file it as a safeguarding concern for those relevant in case of further situations
All they can do is speak to the girls, but they won't stop this kind of thing completely. I think it's par for the course.
They don't have to speak to the girls. The OP isn't asking is school should follow it up and deal with the students. She's passing on relevant information.

Is your daughter on social media? If so, she will be exposed to all kinds of images like this one. It is pretty gross, but it's the norm on many of the Instagram and Facebook pages teens follow.

I wouldn't report it, but use it as an opportunity to have a conversation with your daughter about the kind of things people share and how best to deal with it.

Report to the school, it's vile on so many levels.

BTW I'm dyslexic too. I doesn't stop you using capital letters.

I think it needs to be reported. I'd be worried there might be an older boy or man sending her these things.

As an adult I just roll my eyes and laugh at this.

The picture I mean

leaserspottedmummybird
To be honest for y10/11s I'd probably roll my eyes as well.

But these are 11 year olds. People on this thread have argued that because 11 year olds might have had the mechanics talk they would naturally all be talking like this, even suggesting that pussy/willy are somehow comparable terms when they're not. Some y7s have just turned 11. Some y6s are 11 and a half. Would the people saying it's normal also say it's normal for an 11 and a half year old primary school child to joke about bodily fluids after sex using words like pussy?

Thank you Jolly, I will do so now and then return.