To report this to Head of Year? *warning- explicit*

[mumofthree74]

Namechanged.

DD is 11 and has recently started at secondary school. She was added to the year 7 WhatsApp group a few weeks back which is mostly the girls talking about homework/uniform/school stuff.

Tonight another parent called me and told me to check the chat. One of the girls had shared the attached picture

I've removed DD from the chat and deleted the photo from her phone (autosave to camera roll) but I'm wondering if I should notify the school. I'm no prude but I'm truly horrified that an 11 year old would share it or even understand it.

I'm a new secondary parent and do recognise that the school are no as interested in out of school issue than primary but this feels like it crosses a safeguarding line?

There’s a limit of 16.
So what if they want to use it to text? They can’t. Delete the app.
Unfortunately there are worse things than that horrid image out there.

My kids are year 7 and year 8, I 100% know my year 7 wouldn’t understand this, and am 90% sure my year 8 wouldn’t either. I would speak to the pastoral person.

I'm horrified at how laid back some PPs are, just accepting this shit.

What can be done about it? Obviously nobody can stop anyone sending this stuff out. None of us can control content on billboards or TV or YouTube or whatever. None of us can keep our kids off Instagram or WhatsApp forever. None of us can block their ears to the news. But we can talk to them about what's acceptable and what's not; about why some things are acceptable and some aren't; about what to do with things that aren't acceptable. We can and must give them standards, show them where the line is and that to cross it has consequences.

It's EDUCATING children, teaching them to manage, and thrive in life. It's what parents and schools are for.

I really despair at the parents who just throw their hands up. It's because of parents like this that there are children out there who think it's NBD sending this stuff out, or who think it's okay being provocative and pushing limits in this way.

Report it and delete WhatsApp from the phone. There’s a reason there’s age restrictions on these apps.

Oh FFS unclench! It's a vulgar joke that half of them won't fully understand, but kids of that age are fascinated by swearing and 'rude' jokes.
If it had been a picture that was of one of the pupils then it would be a very different matter, but gross, vulgar humour is pretty standard for teens and pre-teens.

Lord above.

Glad we live in Canada

I don’t think my year 7 or year 8 would really understand this image thankfully.

In this modern age the internet and social media is such a big part of life (I deal with social media at work for example but it’s not my job title or anything)
As parents I truly believe that as a previous poster said it’s education that las key rather than a blanket knee jerk ban reaction.
We check the phones and read messages, check who is in group chats, who they follow/are being followed by. We talk to the kids about staying safe online, about how to communicate online, Eg things come across differently in text than they do in speech, about how things online can go viral/can’t be taken back etc.
If they cross the line or disobey our rules then there are consequences as there is for all behaviour.

Some parents just give the technology and leave the kids too it. It’s like giving them a car but not teaching them to drive, then there’s the opposite end of parents who don’t let their children drive so by the time they are grown up they are way behind and at a disadvantage.

Definitely report it. There is always the possibility of it becoming the ‘norm’ for that group if no one does anything about it. And our school wants to know about this kind of issue too.

I did not allow my DD access WhatsApp as she has an iPhone and she could call and speak to her friends or text them. She hated that we were strict about this until the bullying issues started in the form room WhatsApp group and the HOY had to become involved a number of times.

She has decided for herself that she does not want to be on it and does not feel excluded from anything now. Not just the bullying but she has looked at the feed a few times on her friends phone and decided that it is all a bit boring.

Ugh. I’d be surprised if most 11 year olds would have understood this tbh

My DCs’ school made it crystal clear from the start they would not get involved in social media drama. And one of the main reasons was that it was the parents’ responsibility to ensure that DC are not using it below the required age. I fully support this, I’d rather the staff spent their time teaching and not policing usage of social media.

I wouldn’t contact the school (what can they do about it?) or remove your daughter from the group but I would have a conversation about what it means and how it is wrong. By removing her from her group she now may hide things from you in the future.

7salmonsswimming perfectly said and far more eloquent than me.

Surely dealing with situations like this is just what parenting is all about,. Simply accepting it as normal behaviour is one of the reasons why there are so many more teenagers/ dc with mental health issues. Allowing them access to everything before they are emotionally ready and mature enough is causing lots of problems in young people and parents need to take some responsibility and care.

I think the school have better things to do than some funny meme

43Witchinaditch it's a safeguarding concern.school would log it and act in a way which would most likely depend on any historic issues with the girl. They would probably speak to her parents at the very least. As a parent I would want to know.

I dont know what im more shocked at...

An 11 year old sending this to her school friends or the responses on here going "meh, that's just how it is these days"

There were some problems with WhatsApp when one of mine was in year 7. Some of the parents mentioned it to school and they did a whole year assembly with them about it, on top of the normal e-safety talk that they get. It all improved hugely after that.

Disgusting. And it doesn't have to be that way, even "these days", but the only way it will change is if enough people speak up and demand a better.

(And it's really not at all funny.)

@MotherFuckingLanguages I don't think it's funny at all and I'm not a prude by any stretch of the imagination. I actually think it's a bit gross.

I was a year 7 form tutor last year. We had a lot of incidents like these occur. Often the child was highly embarrassed when spoken to and didn't do it again until they're much older. Just email the head of year and they or the tutor will have a stern word and possibly ring the parents.

@Sunshine93 are you really a secondary school teacher? I don't know where you live but we are in a fairly nice rural area and this kind of stuff is RIFE and a long time before year 10! Pandora's box is well and truly open and the best thing we can do as parents is educate our children properly about internet safety particularly around social media.

As a secondary school teacher I would ask you to report it for safeguarding purposes and some proper education before something similar happens again.

When I was a girl there was a joke, why do girls have legs? So they don't leave snail trails.

This seems like updated version of an old joke to me.

Addition of imagery is new but joke isn't?

Always with the misogyny in our society.

I wouldn't necessarily read red flags etc into this as I say we had similar jokes similar age at school. Prob heard from older boys tbh.

Not sure what I would actually do but surprised this 'joke' is new for so many.

If that is also a picture of the girl... Please delete it. I'm going to email MNHQ anyhow x

03pjmask yes I am. It's sad that it's rife where you are it really isn't "rife" here though I am sure it happens. I am sure you agree it still needs reporting.

Yes @Kahlua4me and @7salmonswimming, this has constantly surprised us that parents hand over a device and don’t work with their kid to become a good netizen. Or even know how to make sure privacy settings are on. Or check what their kids are up too.

SM is a powerful tool but the pressure to live up to how they perceive others are living or the constant need for attention can be very hard to understand as a teen (let alone a preteen). It requires parenting and knowledge of the mediums. I do a lot of work on IG and I used to see so much porn under the most popular hashtags (Beyoncé, London , NewYork etc) I would show other mothers of 11 year olds and the attitude was that is ok. Better that they don’t feel excluded. And I mean disturbing porn that I have now had burned into my mind that I did not look for but appeared in the feed. I don’t know why a young person should ever have to deal with those images. But that was the attitude of other parents and they told me I was overreacting. Thankfully over past 18 months, there does not seem as much escaping the IG filters into the mainstream feeds now. But yes, there is sense that esafety is not something that some parents are taking responsibility for.