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AIBU?

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Original poster

To report this to Head of Year? *warning- explicit*

187 replies

mumofthree74 · 09/09/2019 19:30

Namechanged.

DD is 11 and has recently started at secondary school. She was added to the year 7 WhatsApp group a few weeks back which is mostly the girls talking about homework/uniform/school stuff.

Tonight another parent called me and told me to check the chat. One of the girls had shared the attached picture Shock

I've removed DD from the chat and deleted the photo from her phone (autosave to camera roll) but I'm wondering if I should notify the school. I'm no prude but I'm truly horrified that an 11 year old would share it or even understand it.

I'm a new secondary parent and do recognise that the school are no as interested in out of school issue than primary but this feels like it crosses a safeguarding line?

OP posts:
namechangedjustfornow · 10/09/2019 01:27

This has really shocked me. 11 years old! Jesus Christ I feel sick.

Whichoneofyoudidthat · 10/09/2019 03:16

Thanks Lola.

toadabode · 10/09/2019 03:32

You have a duty to report. It could be indicative of some something more sinister going on for the little girl who sent it. Over sexualised language in a child so young can be a red flag for sex abuse

Monty27 · 10/09/2019 03:38

Is this WhatsApp group monitored by the school or did a pupil open it?
In any case it's vile and should be reported to the school.
Thank goodness you are a vigilant parent.
I hope your DD didn't understand it otherwise it may cause trauma.
And I'm not even joking Angry

MonChatEstMagnifique · 10/09/2019 03:45

I'd speak to my child, they would know it was inappropriate anyway but I wouldn't involve the school. I think certain kids send stuff like this just to look big to their friends. They'll grow up soon enough.

Mothership4two · 10/09/2019 04:05

Gosh that's grim.

I would definitely report to HOY. Schools are pretty clued up now on how to tackle this kind of thing.

BlueSuffragette · 10/09/2019 06:59

Yes OP defo report it. It's a safeguarding worry.

MotherFuckingLanguages · 10/09/2019 07:00

@mumofthree74 fair enough however the school has lots of other priorities to deal with, as a teacher I know this for a fact

proseccoaficionado · 10/09/2019 07:33

Another vote for reporting, OP. This is vile and disgusting as it is, nevermind the ageShock

BuggerOffAndGoodDayToYou · 10/09/2019 07:39

If the school set it up fair enough

If the school set up a WhatsApp group for Y7s that would be appalling. The age limit for WhatsApp is 16! Year 7s should NOT have this app and this thread gives an example if why that limit is in place.

Winesalot · 10/09/2019 07:44

What I find interesting is how the teachers on this thread are approaching this considering this is a large group of year 7s from one school.
(I am sorry if I have this wrong.)

I hope think this is pretty high up the HoY 7s list for esafety issues to nip this type of behavior in the bud.

To all those who talk about the dirty jokes of the past, I think that adding visible cues gives these jokes a new dimension to those of the past.

bruffin · 10/09/2019 08:14

The age limit for WhatsApp is 16!
This is because of gdpr and not content. I suspect all social media are now 16 because of this.
When it was 13 eg facebook it again was about recording details not content

ReanimatedSGB · 10/09/2019 08:16

Interesting that the word 'pussy' is seen as much more appalling than the word 'willy'. We've got much bigger problems than children sharing a vulgar joke, when trained teachers won't use the word 'vagina' in sex ed lessons.
There is nothing in that meme about aggression or assault. If you have PIV sex without a condom, you will get drips. This is not a horrible thing in itself, it's just a bodily function. I wonder if some of you reacting with such horror are worrying about the idea of a woman enjoying sex and having a positive view of semen. Yes, kids will giggle a bit about this, but 11 or thereabouts is the age when sexual activity is simultaneously fascinating, funny and gross.

LolaSmiles · 10/09/2019 08:28

Interesting that the word 'pussy' is seen as much more appalling than the word 'willy'
Because the context the words are used in are very different.
Willy is what some children get told as an alternative name for their penis. Last time I checked parents weren't telling their girls that their genitals were called their pussy.

I wonder if some of you reacting with such horror are worrying about the idea of a woman enjoying sex and having a positive view of semen.
Yeah. People who are in favour of children accessing age appropriate content and making school aware of age inappropriate content are totally against women ever enjoying sex. Hmm Give me strength.

Maybe we should turn a blind eye to sexting in y8 as well. After all it's really bad to think about safeguarding issues. We should be right on and embracing the idea of sex positivity with 12 year olds. Kids today aren't innocent and it's just flirting.

And as for CSE risks, maybe we're just being mean talking to teens about the risk of gifts with strings attached. Everyone gives gifts in relationships and we're clearly having a moral panic over women ever receiving gifts from a partner.

I really wonder how many people who think age inappropriate content doesn't need raising are actually safeguarding trained.

Idontwanttotalk · 10/09/2019 08:50

@Teachermaths

"I bet the kid doesn't understand it tbh."
You might be surprised. It only takes one kid to know about this stuff and tell their friends.

I was on a jury involving a case where a mother's toyboy bf allegedly masterbated in his car in front of his gf's 11 year old DD. Sadly it was declared a mistrial as the jury couldn't agree on a verdict. It was older women on the jury who wouldn't convict and all because the girl did know a lot of sexual terms and exactly what wanking is. (She was asked to tell us what she understood by certain terms).

Some kids, probably mainly from dysfunctional families know a heck of a lot. If they are in your child's friendship group, a lot of innocents soon find out a lot more than you'd expect them to know at that age.

LolaSmiles · 10/09/2019 08:55

Some kids, probably mainly from dysfunctional families know a heck of a lot. If they are in your child's friendship group, a lot of innocents soon find out a lot more than you'd expect them to know at that age.
I think this is what people miss.
Some children know a lot more than they should, but they're actually usually very vulnerable children. That's exactly why things like this need reporting. Of course there's chat at secondary age, that's unavoidable, but even within the "knowing" about there's different levels of knowing. There's knowing because you've heard jokes and know it's rude or about sex and there's knowing because you've got an age inappropriate sexual awareness (which is a red flag in safeguarding training).

When you've worked with 12/13 year olds having pregnancy scares then it's really hard to take the view "kids aren't innocent these days so don't report".

Aflorable · 10/09/2019 08:56

otherwise it may cause trauma

Really?! The thought that semen leaks out a woman after unprotected sex will cause trauma? Give me strength.

BEDinhalfanhour · 10/09/2019 08:58

Another vote for reporting, OP. This is vile and disgusting as it is, nevermind the age

Envy
BEDinhalfanhour · 10/09/2019 08:59

I mean, I agree 100%

Aflorable · 10/09/2019 08:59

I will ask MNHQ to delete the thread as I'm worried about some of the replies it's attracting now normalising this sort of behaviour amongst children

Well you did ask for opinions. You might want to bury your head in the sand that a lot of this stuff isn’t normal talk for year 7s but that’s your problem. Surely when you start a thread, you can’t then insist it gets deleted because you hear things you don’t want to believe are true?

WonderWomansSpin · 10/09/2019 09:01

There's more than the inappropriate content to worry about. OP's Y7 is in a WhatsApp group with over 100 other people. There's no way she can know who they all are.
I know our school is sick of dealing with issues that arise on social media that the pupils are too young to have in the first place. Every year they ask the parents not to let their DCs have WhatsApp; insta, etc. Every year the parents ignore them. Then there's a problem and they run to the school to complain about it.

Idontwanttotalk · 10/09/2019 09:02

@LolaSmiles
"When you've worked with 12/13 year olds having pregnancy scares then it's really hard to take the view "kids aren't innocent these days so don't report"."

"Some children know a lot more than they should, but they're actually usually very vulnerable children. That's exactly why things like this need reporting"
I totally agree (which I didn"t address in my previous post).

OrchidInTheSun · 10/09/2019 09:03

Good luck OP. Some posters on here have a very vague idea of what safeguarding is about.

GrumpiestCat · 10/09/2019 09:06

Not sure school will get involved unless it's bullying or something potentially criminal like posing with knives (we had that one). Can't hurt to mention it to Head of Year but primarily just continue to keep tabs on your daughter's social media.

Cloudhopping · 10/09/2019 09:15

Definitely report op. I have year 9 and year 7 dds. Had a similar incident with my eldest in year 7 and the school definitely did want to know. This is a safeguarding issue.

All those who are saying leave it are perpetuating the problem.

Also remember that if you pay the bill for your dc’s phone, you are ultimately responsible for anything on it.

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