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Original poster

To report this to Head of Year? *warning- explicit*

187 replies

mumofthree74 · 09/09/2019 19:30

Namechanged.

DD is 11 and has recently started at secondary school. She was added to the year 7 WhatsApp group a few weeks back which is mostly the girls talking about homework/uniform/school stuff.

Tonight another parent called me and told me to check the chat. One of the girls had shared the attached picture Shock

I've removed DD from the chat and deleted the photo from her phone (autosave to camera roll) but I'm wondering if I should notify the school. I'm no prude but I'm truly horrified that an 11 year old would share it or even understand it.

I'm a new secondary parent and do recognise that the school are no as interested in out of school issue than primary but this feels like it crosses a safeguarding line?

OP posts:
Sunshine93 · 09/09/2019 22:31

18Aflorable of course it's likely that the child was just messing around and there's no safeguarding issue here. However it's not the op's call to make. She reports it and then leaves that to the trained professional

For all we know the school already suspect this girl has issues at home or an older " boyfriend" or something and this will provide further evidence they might need.

applesandacorns · 09/09/2019 22:41

It's most likely just a Year 7 thinking they're cool by sharing a meme. I wouldn't overreact to this or report it to the school... Your daughter will not thank you for it when all the other girls are making fun of her for having the helicopter mum. Keep an eye on her phone through occasional spot checks or something.

tillytrotter1 · 09/09/2019 22:45

Definitely contact the school.

This is an out of school issue, if children are given access to social media this is the result. Schools have enough to do dealing with school matters, the fact that this group are pupils is irrelevant, it's the responsibility of parents to protect their children.

pumkinspicetime · 09/09/2019 22:47

I would contact the school and the dc's parents.
My year 7 starters wouldn't really understand this. They know the basics but I think this would go over their head.

CoastalWave · 09/09/2019 22:52

Jesus. Quit concerning how many think this is ok for 11 yr olds to be sending/receiving.

It is vile. ELEVEN.

This is what the internet is doing to our CHILDREN.

Please report.

ReanimatedSGB · 09/09/2019 22:54

I honestly think that reporting this particular meme and making a huge big fuss is likely to do more harm than good. This is silly humour, not threatening or aggressive in any way. It isn't an attempt by any students to insult or shame one another (it's a random picture; they have not superimposed anyone's face on to it). It doesn't use any racist or abusive language and it's unlikely that sharing it was an attempt to hurt one another; it was something to giggle over and be pleasurably shocked by.
You risk making your DC think that any discussion of sex is something disgusting and shameful, and preventing them from being able to distinguish between silliness and real malice or danger..

ThatssomebadhatHarry · 09/09/2019 22:59

Was this a group that the kids set up themselves or the teachers set up?

If the kids set it up then deal with it yourselves, teachers have enough to do without doing the parenting for you.

If the school set it up fair enough.

june2007 · 09/09/2019 22:59

Don't take phone away but don't let her go on these chat pages/ social networks. Yes I think you should send it to the school. .

LolaSmiles · 09/09/2019 23:00

I'm surprised so many people are saying do nothing.

As a teacher I would want to be made aware of it as it's a safeguarding issue. It could be someone trying to sound cool, but most year 7s don't have that sort of knowledge and find talking about sex and relationships education awkward. The ones who do have a much older knowledge bank tend to be more at risk of risk taking behaviours by y8/9.

I'd tell the head of year or form tutor, say who sent it and that you're not wanting school to pull the group up, you're happy you've spoken to your child, but you felt it was something that they may need to know for PSHE And safeguarding.

Heaven forbid the child who posted that was also overheard making a sex joke beyond their years and that was also dismissed, then they spoke about their boyfriend to someone else but that was dismissed and so on.

CoastalWave · 09/09/2019 23:01

FGS. 11 yr old children shouldn't be talking about a boyfriend coming in their vagina..and semen spilling out.

THEY"RE 11. FFS.

Totally different if this were a meme sent on a chat forum for 15 yr old teenagers.

I'm actually shuddering thinking of this type of conversation having any place in my Year 7 days with my friends.

ReanimatedSGB · 09/09/2019 23:04

Didn't any of your kids chant things like 'My friend Billy had a six-foot willy' when they were younger? This meme is about on a level with rhymes and jokes like that.

User12879923378 · 09/09/2019 23:05

I would absolutely tell the school

LadyGodiva83 · 09/09/2019 23:07

The fact that so many of you don't think an 11 year old would understand what this means is kinda scary... so naive.

WonderWomansSpin · 09/09/2019 23:09

OP's deleted the photos and removed her DD from the chat. She has no evidence to take to the school. I doubt they'll act on hearsay and gossip.

LolaSmiles · 09/09/2019 23:09

ReanimatedSGB
It's really not on that sort of level.
A daft rhyme about a six foot willy is totally different to a meme about girls being full of semen after sex and it dripping everywhere.
The former is age appropriate humour and harmless. The latter is, sadly, part and parcel of a culture where children are exposed to increasingly sexualised content under the guise of "harmless" memes, yotubers etc and (as this thread suggests) adults are becoming so desensitised to it that it's considered normal banter.

If you overheard an 11/12 year old boy joking about cum dripping out of a girl would you consider it age-appropriate? I wouldn't. The image is no different.

Ohyesiam · 09/09/2019 23:09

If the kids set it up then deal with it yourselves, teachers have enough to do without doing the parenting for you.
Not this!
My dh is head of pastoral care at a secondary and he says to tell the school, it’s what the pastoral team is there for. The child sending it needs some adult feedback, and their situation needs looking into.

Original poster
mumofthree74 · 09/09/2019 23:12

I will be reporting anonymously tomorrow. There are over 100 girls on the chat so there's no way it can come back to my DD.

@ReanimatedSGB willy is age appropriate language for an 11 year old (although my DD would probably use penis because they're taught to use to 'proper names'). Cum and pussy are not.

OP posts:
Original poster
mumofthree74 · 09/09/2019 23:13

@WonderWomansSpin I screenshot and sent it to my phone before deleting/removing photos. I'm not a complete idiot Envy

OP posts:
LolaSmiles · 09/09/2019 23:14

The fact that so many of you don't think an 11 year old would understand what this means is kinda scary... so naive.
Not naive. Have worked with enough 11 Year olds to have a reasonable understanding of how many would understand the joke, the different reactions, and how few would see this within a bigger social picture.

Here's hoping that having replied in good faith there is a deletion message coming

leaserspottedmummybird · 09/09/2019 23:14

That's embarrassing and doesn't make any sense whatsoever .

Original poster
mumofthree74 · 09/09/2019 23:16

Thank you for all your replies. As I've said I will be reporting in the morning.

I will ask MNHQ to delete the thread as I'm worried about some of the replies it's attracting now normalising this sort of behaviour amongst children.

OP posts:
Whichoneofyoudidthat · 09/09/2019 23:22

I'd be interested to hear what other teachers think. I'm sure they're fed up to the eyeballs dealing with this sort of stuff that wouldn't happen if people waited until the recommended age for their kids to have these apps. (Disclaimer, my children have it, but if I had my time again, they wouldn't). I've had occasion to have issues with messages twice in the last 4 years. Both times I've gone to the parent and left the school out of it.

All the usual disclaimers about being reasonably confident the parent was a reasonable person etc....

LolaSmiles · 09/09/2019 23:25

Whichoneofyoudidthat
Most of us (and anyone with any safeguarding training) would want to know. Often we find out things from parents who call up saying they are aware of X, have spoken to their child but wanted us to be aware in case anything comes into school or in case something is raised in school and so on.

The way I see it is there is a big difference between expecting school to parent your child for you and sharing information about a child that may be a red flag in conjunction with other observations.

leaserspottedmummybird · 09/09/2019 23:32

@mumofthree74 unfortunately kids are not as innocent as they used to be many years ago now

Snugglepumpkin · 10/09/2019 01:16

I can't believe how many people on this thread think this is okay.

It's about having unprotected sex which however progressive your ideas might be, is surely not the message you want to have normalised for 11 year olds.

Every adult who dismisses this helps to damage the children who they leave exposed to it never mind the escalation into more inappropriate images which will follow if it's seen as okay.

A picture of a couple having sex is equally 'normal' for an adult although I wouldn't want to see it, but I certainly wouldn't think it is okay for a child to be exposed to pornography on the grounds that I'd seen much worse or 'kids today' probably already have.

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