To report this to Head of Year? *warning- explicit*

[mumofthree74]

Namechanged.

DD is 11 and has recently started at secondary school. She was added to the year 7 WhatsApp group a few weeks back which is mostly the girls talking about homework/uniform/school stuff.

Tonight another parent called me and told me to check the chat. One of the girls had shared the attached picture

I've removed DD from the chat and deleted the photo from her phone (autosave to camera roll) but I'm wondering if I should notify the school. I'm no prude but I'm truly horrified that an 11 year old would share it or even understand it.

I'm a new secondary parent and do recognise that the school are no as interested in out of school issue than primary but this feels like it crosses a safeguarding line?

Op don't think twice about reporting it.

I have a year 8 Ds. Don’t believe he would understand but won’t be asking.

One word of warning though op. You need to teach your dc how to manage this stuff. My Ds has come accords also rtfs of things he didn’t expect in year 7, fighting, other children shop lifting. , drugs ( not connnected to the year 7’s)The temptation to take your child away block them from this, not allow them with or to go to means your dc is been punished for someone else’s behaviour. It is important that your dc learns how to respond to this stuff .

@Sunshine93 100% I agree it needs reporting, I'm just not sure if all posters who don't yet have teens have grasped the enormous scale of this problem. I have the tightest possible security settings on my dc devices - I also monitor their activity and yes by doing that invade their privacy. But the sharing of things like this, and far worse, pretty much from the onset of secondary school is widespread. At least it is here in Cornwall from my experience.

I am a secondary school teacher and work closely with head of years. I would definitely report this. Although there may not be much they can do about that message they can run cyber awareness sessions in tutor groups etc.

@OhDearyMeWhatNow it's a stock photo- the same image can be found on Google image search so I'm confident it's not a child.

While I don't think the joke is particularly funny, it isn't actually particularly offensive, either. It's referring to a physical effect of having (condomless) PIV sex in a rather blunt, bawdy way, playing a little on the 'ewwww, gross!' response but not endorsing eg assault on a partner. And verbal jokes on this and similar themes were around when I was a pre-teen, more than 40 years ago.

I'm more than aware that teens use social media to bully one another in a more intensive and upsetting way than used to be the case but this picture isn't that sort of thing, and I reckon both OP and a lot of the ragepissers on here are overreacting in an unhealthy fashion (BAWWWW call the police WAAAAAA safeguarding!)

I think it's quite funny and more or less harmless

Of course report!

The reality is we need to help our children learn how to handle SM, and removing it completely does not prepare them for growing up in a digital age. Yes to privacy settings, and also discussions about who is safe, how to respond to tricky situations.

DD1 is old enough to have left home, and she and DD2 (aged 12) talk a lot on Whatsapp. It is a very positive tool for them to stay in touch, and also with other friends that live too far away for DD2 to see regularly. So I do not want to take that away from her. But she has discussed various group friendship issues with me, and in one case decided to opt out of the group chat because she was uncomfortable with the way some others used it. And she knows I have access to her account and can look at it at any time.

We need to help our children recognise when these tools add value to their lives, and when they don't. That it is OK to walk away or to block - and to understand when people are genuinely friends (whether on SM or not).

I'd maybe mention to the year head. The kid who sent it probably doesn't understand it, but they might. Either way, they've been sent it by someone, or found it somewhere, and it wouldn't do any harm for the school to be aware that this DC is accessing (from someone? somewhere?) such explicit material. Might be an added part of a puzzle or picture they already have about this poor kid....

Ex-teacher here.

Most definitely report. If you really must, report it anonymously?

Definitely a safeguarding issue.

Children should not be exposed to that at their age. They might not have an idea what it means. They might start googling to find out. They might get the wrong impression about relationships and sex. They might start exposing themselves to things on the internet that they really shouldn't like pornography.

I would also be deeply worried about the child that sent that and thought it was funny.

Ex-teacher here.

Most definitely report. If you really must, report it anonymously?

Definitely a safeguarding issue.

Children should not be exposed to that at their age. They might not have an idea what it means. They might start googling to find out. They might get the wrong impression about relationships and sex. They might start exposing themselves to things on the internet that they really shouldn't like pornography.

I would also be deeply worried about the child that sent that and thought it was funny.

I think it's quite funny and more or less harmless

Wtf!!??

Only skimmed thread - the pic of the child shouldn't have shared here. Have reported.

OK i've seen your post about stock photo OP. Apologies.

Not having a mobile phone at age 11 is NOT unreasonable. I don't give a shit if it's 2019 or 2229

I’m assuming you don’t have a secondary age child.

I have a Year 7 ds. He came home today with the log in details of the app he needs to download that holds his timetable, assigned homework and planner. There’s no paper version issued unless the parent specifically requests it...but the assumption is very much that all year 7’s will have a Smartphone to be able to do this.

I’m not willing to hold my dc back so drastically out of some archaic and idealistic ‘weren’t things better in the 90’s’ attitude.

Definitely report it.

Yuk that's grim. I would email the hoy and just mention.

Yes to reporting it. It’s inappropriate for a yr 7 kid.
I would be at the school 1st thing.

If you choose to report it ask for the Designated Safeguarding Lead and not the head If year/firm teacher. Every school has one-the DSL should be named on the school website.

Absolutely report it. I can’t believe a pp told you not to because “They’ve obviously seen worse”. .

Report, report, report.

One of the warming signs for abuse that we are told to look for is sexual behaviours that are age inappropriate. I might expect this to be a jokey mistake from a YR8 or 9 but not a Yr 7. The child who sent this has obviously been exposed to previous sexualised material, either through accident or design.

I'd report it (I'm a safeguarding lead). It's gross but I'm not even remotely shocked by it though - you would be surprised at some topics of y7 conversation, sadly. I've heard much worse from kids who have been horrified and adamant their child would never say such a thing!

You can say that your daughter is worried about repercussions and they'll be sensitive.

@BelleSausage or could it be possible the child just saw it on Instagram and shared it to look ‘cool’ or ‘grown up’ now they’re in secondary school?

I would report it to school but not tell your daughter you have and tell the staff at school that you don't want anyone knowing who reported i

They should at least have a general chat about online safety and what is and isn't appropriate etc.

Report. It would be a bit gross to find your 16 year old reading that but it's horrifying to think of 11 year olds sending it.