To not think this is weird?

[ExpertPuppy]

On my name changed account for this.

My son is 19 and is a single dad to a 2 year old girl (mum isn't on the scene) and she lives with us permanently.

So occasionally if GD won't sleep in her own room and wants son. He puts her in his bed and lies next to her until she goes to sleep and then he leaves her there. But when he goes to bed he co sleeps with her and doesn't move her back to her own room.

When he did this before when a family member was visiting she said it's weird.

Do you think this is weird?

So you're effectively paying for all his food, rent and bills? You are enabling him. If you can't bring yourself to speak to ss yet you need to have a serious talk with him. Explain that you will start charging him rent, they need to get their own place one day. Charge a realistic amount- £100 a week say, then he has less money to fritter on drugs and booze. Offer to babysit ONE night a week. The rest of the time he stays in with her. You've been shielding him from the reality of his situation and that needs to stop.

Good luck OP, I really feel for you.

What a mess. Report him to SS so that you can take custody, you need all the leverage you can get with your son I'm afraid.

I told him he has to stop taking drugs and drinking almost every night and that I would look after her one night a week.

This morning he asked me if I would give him money for a haircut (he said he doesn't have any money) I said no (because he needs to learn that if he spends all his money on drugs and alcohol I wouldn't just give him money) and then he told me to stop getting involved with his life if I wouldn't help him.

I do feel bad now though because he posted something on a forum and he said he knows he needs help and he feels like he failed her and if she got taken off him he hasn't done a good job. I haven't mentioned it because he would think I was looking through his phone but I wasn't it was a notification that someone replied.

You are in really serious situation. He needs help definitely, the are anonymous places as well where he can connect with people and get some help. He needs to get scared and realize what will happen when he continues this path. First if all he shouldn't have told you not to involve to his life as you are still looking after him as his daughter and paying for her clothes plus he lives under your roof.
Have a sit down with him and give him ultimatums. No drugs as long as he lives in that house under your roof, with a 2 years old child. He is massive risk for her plus if anyone else finds out and report it she would be taken away definitely. He needs to choose between the daughter or drugs. I think he doesn't understand completely the importance of this situation and thinks he can get away with it, but he needs to know no matter how hard he try to hide his drug addiction issues someone else will notice and that will be it. He needs a wake up call.
I would suggest you to have a proper long talk with him and give every reason why the drugs are not acceptable especially around a 2 years old. Give him an image of what would happen if SS would take his daughter. Tell him to imagine she would be with some strangers and they might not look after her properly or might abuse her whenever she would go. He need to get really really scared about his little daughters life what might be if he doesn't stop the drugs. I know it's hard for you but I have a son and I cannot imagine he would have taken drugs some day I would gone furious if he would. Please I understand it's hard but end of the day we are the parents and he can find other friends through his daughter, parents groups. End of the day family is all we have and friends won't be there forever and for sure if he gets in trouble friends won't be there to help but it will be you again the mother.

I don't think you can get him sorted out, on your own.
Phone SS on Wednesday, for help.

I do feel bad now though because he posted something on a forum and he said he knows he needs help and he feels like he failed her and if she got taken off him he hasn't done a good job. I haven't mentioned it because he would think I was looking through his phone but I wasn't it was a notification that someone replied.

Bluntly, he has failed her. Don't fall into the trap of thinking a revelation is around the corner.

You need to step in and take over the day to day care and decision making for your granddaughter. Call SS now.

The co-sleeping is irrelevant, as PPs have said.

Your son is drinking 4 nights a week, getting a hangover and leaving your GD with you. He's taking coke at weekends - which I have less of a problem with than most posters, lot's of people take coke recreationally - but every weekend is not great.

I have sympathy for a young man trying to raise his child as a single parent, with your help - but things need to change.

It might be for the best if you take on parental responsibility, and your son tries to sort himself out. Despite the posters who think he's on a downward spiral to the gutter or the morgue, lots of people grow out of this sort of lifestyle in a year or two.

Throwing him out or reporting him to SS without any further plan will doubtless alienate him from you forever and disrupt your GDs life.

I hope things get sorted.

Poor little girl.

3/4 nights a week isn't occasional. Once to twice a MONTH (or less) is occasional. Your son is a drug and alcohol addict, which will have major impact on your granddaughter. She deserves better.

This is such a sad story

It sounds like your son is not ready or coping with this responsibility well at all, therefore relying on you mainly to raise his child. The child has no mother, her father isn’t ready or mature enough to be her dad and she is clearly showing signs of emotional distress.

You need to ask for proper help OP. Your son needs to see that you are serious about your DGC welfare as right now, no one is putting her first and she is confused. By involving their health visitor would at least be a start. This is so unsettling for this child she likely doesn’t understand or know what is going on or who her caregiver is supposed to be because he keeps leaving her. She needs stability and sadly he might not be the right person to give it to her. Or he could have a hard shock and grow up when he sees what he could lose

Please don’t just do nothing and carry on, ask for some help from HV or SS. You can’t assume the outcome of anything, they may well not take her away but they will expect him to step up

Poor little child. The whole situation sounds messed up. You all need some support from the SS to salvage the situation.

She's got her 2 year check on Friday with HV which I think I'm going to but I don't know if to mention it because son will be there.

Get the number for the HV and phone her afterwards. You are a caregiver - you have to do what is best for this little girl