To not think this is weird?

[ExpertPuppy]

On my name changed account for this.

My son is 19 and is a single dad to a 2 year old girl (mum isn't on the scene) and she lives with us permanently.

So occasionally if GD won't sleep in her own room and wants son. He puts her in his bed and lies next to her until she goes to sleep and then he leaves her there. But when he goes to bed he co sleeps with her and doesn't move her back to her own room.

When he did this before when a family member was visiting she said it's weird.

Do you think this is weird?

Also, drugs stay in your system longer than just one night. So it's not weird that he wants to go-sleep, but it's absolutely unsafe for him to do so

Presumably foster parents don't have drugs about their person...

Not weird

TinklyLittleLaugh - Are you for real?

'that’s a damn sight better than what would happen if she was fostered'

• Do you know ANYTHING about foster carers? It's not like it used to be, children are put in peoples family homes and are very well looked after! Plus it would never come to that! OP would probably get guardianship.

'I wouldn’t want them to have a miserable, friendless life because of one stupid mistake. The odd line of coke on a Saturday night I could live with too'.

• Wow. The 'odd line of coke' is completely harmless as it's legal and you know what's in it. Oh no, you don't! He could be taking anything! And when has cocaine use been normal?! I would prefer my son to have friends who don't take drugs, thanks!

"The odd line of coke on a Saturday night I could live with too."

I could not live with this at all. Its not like the odd fag or bag of sweets, it's an addictive drug.

Look in an ideal world your grandchildren would come along when your kids are 30, in their own home with good jobs and the excesses of youth behind them.

That’s not the case here, that ship has sailed. Best case scenario child is brought up in loving home by teenage Dad and Grandma.

Yes teenage Dad is currently acting like a bit of a dick, but he obviously loves his daughter. Presumably in a few years he’ll have a bit more maturity and act like a grown up.

Until then, cut him a bit of slack, obviously don’t let him take the piss, but he’s only young, let him have a bit of a life.

I don't charge him rent or bills. He was looking for a house/flat a few months ago and he said they were expensive. He does put a bit of money in his money box and then he spends it on alcohol.

I will phone ss Wednesday because if he heard me he probably wouldn't be happy and he isn't working tomorrow

Yes I do know about fostering and I know plenty of kids fucked up by the foster system.

A healthy little 2 year old stands a decent chance of being adopted, but how much is being wrenched from the Dad she adores going to fuck up her future mental health?

The situation is not ideal, but it is what it is. Get real.

Um no not wierd at all

I think you’re right to phone SS and I think you will be surprised to find they will offer support. Does the baby have another grandparent on the Mum’s Side who is involved?

Not weird, as long as it's done safely then co-sleeping is great. My two year old still sleeps next to me.
Your son sounds like a brilliant dad, I bet you are amazingly proud of him!

TinklyLittleLaugh - What if irresponsible teenage son suddenly decides to up and leave with his daughter? OP can do nothing about that. He then goes and lives in a shared house with similar people who drink and do drugs all the time.

She needs to take steps so that GD is protected, and teenage son knows what he is doing is wrong, illegal, and could mean losing his daughter. This isn't going out a couple of times a week for a few beers, it's cocaine! Christ, even if it was weed it would be better, but it's a class A drug!

I honestly doubt you get your kids taken off you for a few lines of coke, otherwise half the cabinet would have their kids in foster care.

TinklyLittleLaugh - How is her mental health going to be affected when her Dad is constantly rejecting her as he's hungover, on a come down, isn't there when she cries for him, or dies?

So you think she should just continue to live with her Dad, who thinks it's okay to go out drinking to excess and doing drugs, and just hope for the best?

The situation can be changed, for the better, and OP can get more rights to have a say over that little girls future. She can also take steps to protect that little girl, take steps to change her sons behaviour rather than just sit back and say 'it is what it is'!

I’ve suggested the OP takes steps to encourage him to cut down on his behaviour. I just don’t think that never ever going out with your mates and letting your hair down is a realistic expectation for a 19 year old man.

You do know that plenty of middle aged middle class dads get wasted?

Your son sounds like a brilliant dad, I bet you are amazingly proud of him!

Think you need to read more than the OP brilliant dad's don't do drink and drugs

Why do people read the OP and nothing else then post. Stupid

@Marnie76, if that's aimed at me, I realised the minute I posted it that the thread was in fact 7 pages long and not the 1 page I thought. So I immediately reported my post to MN and asked for it to removed as I imagine the story will have evolved in the ensuring 6 pages. . Hopefully they'll remove it tout suite.

My bad though as it's a pet hate of mine also.

No grandparent from mum's side isn't involved.

I don't know if I can stop him from going out or seeing these 'friends'.

Sorry Butchy no it wasn’t you, it was at poster declaring him a brilliant dad that OP must be proud of. 😁

I will phone ss Wednesday

That's a great decision, OP.
Please do it and don't chicken out.

SS will want the little girl to stay with family if at all possible and should support you in trying to get your son to act responsibly.

I will but I know he won't be happy but I don't know how else to stop him taking drugs and drinking alot and being with these friends

If I called SS they would take her off him and if I got guardianship he wouldn't be able to see GD (I don't think)

My understanding is that ss want to keep children with loving families if they can. They know that some people struggle with parenting especially young and single parents. Hopefully they will offer you support as a family and I can't imagine for a minute they would stop him from seeing her. They will want to see evidence that he is trying to change though.

Do you feel her really understands your concerns? Have you thought about sitting him down tonight and telling him that he needs to step up. He needs to limit going out to once a week and stop taking drugs. He won't lose friends for only seeing them once a week that's just silly. He also needs to sort out his finances. He should be giving you something even if it's just her child benefit as you are providing a roof over their head and food and clothing.

Whether or not you call ss now or give him one more chance to step up is up to you. Your gf does not sound like she is neglected because you are there to pick up the pieces but what if you weren't there? He needs to change and change fast.

If he says he won't then you obviously have to call ss.

‘I just don’t think that never ever going out with your mates and letting your hair down is a realistic expectation for a 19 year old man’

Absolutely! BUT, when you’re a Dad and have responsibilities you take care of them, and he’s not.
He’s also not just letting his hair down, he’s going out 4/5 times a week and drinking to the point he’s hungover, and he’s also taking coke 2/3 times a week. That’s not letting your hair down, that’s taking the piss out of OP and also not being a good Dad.
I let my hair down on the weekend, after I’ve worked hard all week and taken care of my son, but even then I’ll be up at 6am with him.