To not think this is weird?

[ExpertPuppy]

On my name changed account for this.

My son is 19 and is a single dad to a 2 year old girl (mum isn't on the scene) and she lives with us permanently.

So occasionally if GD won't sleep in her own room and wants son. He puts her in his bed and lies next to her until she goes to sleep and then he leaves her there. But when he goes to bed he co sleeps with her and doesn't move her back to her own room.

When he did this before when a family member was visiting she said it's weird.

Do you think this is weird?

It hasnt been thoroughly researched. There is no evidence. Skin to skin is completely separate, and not recommended to be done for hours and hours, so not the same. Sorry to hear about your family member.

I just don't like him doing drugs. I don't mine if he drank once in a while but I don't like him drinking alot because when he's hungover he doesn't look after GD and it's up to me to look after her which I don't mind doing but not everyday.

I don’t think a 19 year old man stepping up to raise his daughter is weird. I commend him for doing so and trying to do right by his child. So many 17 year olds would have walked away from the girlfriends at the point she said she was pg, so I think the op should be really proud of her son for raising his daughter.

She didn't want the child and so it would have gone up for adoption.

He gets the money because he works. He doesn't work full time yet as GD cries as soon as he leaves and is very unhappy until he comes back.

He drinks probably about 4/7 days a week and takes drugs once of twice a week. I think he takes cocaine

Omg OP if he was having a couple of spliffs and a drink once a week I'd say fair enough, he's still a young lad and could probably do with the downtime, but this is madness! I take it you are babysitting while he's partying. Why? You are enabling him to be a shit father? And where's he getting the money from? Don't tell me you give him money??

Co-sleeping is not weird at all.

A father of a 2 year old going out nearly everyday drinking or doing drugs is not good at all

"OmgOPif he was having a couple of spliffs and a drink once a week I'd say fair enough,"
Omg....since when was having spliff once a week ok? I'd be appalled if my kids did this .ever!

No I'm not giving him money he uses his wages. I'm not enabling him I just don't know how to stop him

Why is it weird? Why can he not be a single dad? Why shouldn't he have the occasional night out?

I’d hardly call going out to get drunk 4 nights a week every week, being hung over and unable to look after your child, plus drug use twice a week every week ‘an occasional night out’.

He can be a single dad and obviously is. This does not negate parental responsibility though.

OP, I understand it’s hard but really he is 19yo and living under your roof. You are still his parent and he is far from grown up. Grow a pair and take charge of this situation, your house, your rules and enforce him stepping up and being responsible. I have kids this age and older and yes, it is possible. It comes down to under my roof it’s my way or the highway with this sort of big stuff and they know I mean every word.

Cocaine isn't cheap and neither is booze (in pubs and clubs) so how can he afford them and to feed and clothe his child on a part time wage?

Co-sleeping is the least of your problems, regardless of whether he has a child or not why are you being so passive about the fact that he drinks & takes drugs 'probably cocaine' whilst living in your home? (And yes, I do have a teenage DS before I get accused of not knowing what having teenagers is like).

You are 100% enabling. Poor child shouldn't be with either of you.

You are enabling him, you're looking after your granddaughter so he can go out and get off his tits, using the money he should be spending on her to do so.

In your position. He would be out and I would be applying for guardianship of my grandchild. He is not a good father.

Firstly, I don't see anything wrong with a parent co-sleeping with a child, nothing at all.

However he is drinking 4 nights of the week, and taking drugs a couple of times a week? This means that you are looking after his DD at least 4 nights a week. Drinking 4 nights of the week is a serious habit, and unless he is sticking to a pint or two he will be well over the recommended limits. Drugs so regularly is also a significant habit. How is he going to function in a full time job? How is he going to save for a deposit for somewhere for them to live, pay for rent, for food, all the things his DD will need etc if this is his lifestyle? Much as I admire him being a single parent to his DD, it sounds like you are actually doing a lot of the parenting. He needs to decides if he truly wants to commit to bringing up hos DD, and that means drastically cutting back on the drinking, and cutting out the drugs.

I buy GD most of her clothes. He buys the occasional outfit and a pair of new shoes when she needs them.

I think his friends give him drugs (they take drugs alot) I've encouraged him not to be friends with them but he doesn't listen because apparently then he wouldn't have any friends (at school he was always quiet and only had a small group of friends and he's still quiet and probably doesn't have many friends)

since when was having spliff once a week ok? I'd be appalled if my kids did this .ever!

Well prepare to be appalled because one or all of them probably will at some point smoke a spliff.

What a load of bollocks are you deliberately trying to rile people? Waffling on about your son taking cocaine when he is the sole parent of a 2 year old, co sleeping has bugger all to do with it, the poor little girl would be better off with a more responsible parent, not even you because you obviously think it's all fine! Poor poor child.

He’s 19, she can hardly stop him. Do PPs really think the little 2 year old would be safer if OP threw them both out on the street?!

Okay the drugs is an issue, as well you know. Where I am from, there have been a surge of deaths in young people who have been stupid enough to take them. I'm talking 4 in the space of 3 weeks! (One of which was a young mother who has left behind a 2 week old baby) There is nothing wrong with him going out for a drink and enjoying himself but the drugs have to stop! Its no wonder he has no money if that is where it is going.

The co-sleeping isn't weird. What is weird about a child wanting comfort from a parent? That is where she feels safest!

I know you are only trying to help OP but you are enabling him by buying your GD what she needs and letting him spend his money on drugs and booze, and by babysitting his child while he's off on his jaunts. You must be able to see that?

As I said in my other post I wouldn't want to kick him out due to GD but if I had to I would.

"I'm not enabling him I just don't know how to stop him"

Refuse to watch his child for his nights out and hangovers. Refuse to pay for things he should pay for. Take him to some councelling.

Cocaine is an expensive habit, if he gave it up he could most likely put that money aside to rent a flat/house as it adds up very quickly when you look at the price per gram

He’s 19, she can hardly stop him. Do PPs really think the little 2 year old would be safer if OP threw them both out on the street?!

She can stop him by refusing to babysit and clothe and feed his child for him.

No I'm not giving him money he uses his wages. I'm not enabling him I just don't know how to stop him

Oh stop it! He works part time and he can afford four nights out and a gram or two of coke? That requires £150 for a start. Something doesn't add up here. Is he dealing?