To not think this is weird?

[ExpertPuppy]

On my name changed account for this.

My son is 19 and is a single dad to a 2 year old girl (mum isn't on the scene) and she lives with us permanently.

So occasionally if GD won't sleep in her own room and wants son. He puts her in his bed and lies next to her until she goes to sleep and then he leaves her there. But when he goes to bed he co sleeps with her and doesn't move her back to her own room.

When he did this before when a family member was visiting she said it's weird.

Do you think this is weird?

Sorry OP but this wpuld be recorded by HV /GP and SS would be informed if a teenage mother abandons a baby to a teenage boy. It's a high risk situation. If the baby is having all required health checks this would have been picked up. It's a very shocking set of circumstances.

Your son is disgusting and you need to get parental responsibility for your granddaughter.

He's fabulous for not letting her mother put her up for adoption, but you're bringing this little girl up, not him.

If he was a good dad co-sleeping wouldn't be an issue, but if he's constantly drunk and high he's an idiot and shouldn't be anywhere near her.

Yes In the same room.

I think he knows he shouldn't be taking drugs because he doesn't want SS to know. The other day I told him I would phone ss if he didn't stop taking drugs/drinking alot and he told me not to

"co-sleeping, when done correctly, reduces the occurabce of SID, presumable because the noise and movements made by the adults next to them "encourage" the baby to keep breathing."

I'm sorry, but I dont believe this to be true. Sids has reduced because of a number of factors, advising baby sleeps on back and not front, taking away any sheets or pillows or cot paraphernalia etc, not having baby in room if you are smokers etc etc....there is no evidence that it helps then to breath sleeping with you in bed, or in same room.

Wow he told you not so. Sorry is this ok then sorry it sounds like you told him that if he doesn't stop doing drink and drugs you'd call SS, He said not too so you've gone oh I won't then.

You what????!!!

I wouldn't even have told him I was calling SS. A 19 year old doing drugs in charge of a 2 year old massive massive alarm bells ringing

Of course he knows he shouldn't be taking drugs but he's still spending hundreds of pounds on them while you clothe and feed his child.

Call SS.

I didn't say I won't then. I'm still thinking about it.

When will you make your decision? When she wakes up one morning and finds him dead from sniffing some dodgy coke?

Sorry that sounds harsh but this is a tiny little girl.

ExpertPuppy

I wouldn't think about it for much longer.

Just do it.

This whole thread isn't really about co-sleeping.

It is about a teenage boy with a serious drink and drug problem and a grandmother who is bringing up a toddler who SS are not aware of.

And they should be. You need to step up to the plate OP. You need to let SS know about this situation.

You need to get help for your DS.

He drinks probably about 4/7 days a week and takes drugs once of twice a week. I think he takes cocaine

That's appalling.

So almost every night he's doing that and is not available if his DD needs comforted.
No wonder she's clingy.

And no wonder he can't afford his own place, and probably doesn't want to as then he'd have no live-in child minder of course.

Generally speaking cosleeping is not "weird", it's totally normal and in fact iirc humans are the only mammals who don't cosleep as the norm.

However I would not condone cosleeping for anyone who drinks or takes drugs. Your DS might not be high or drunk at the time, but what if some days later it catches up with him or it's still in his system? The worst could well happen. Imo it isn't a risk worth taking.

What is unusual is that you are clearly having concerns about your situation with your DS and DGC because you posted yesterday and today about different situations.

I think you know what you need to do before someone else does it and you risk loosing the contact you have now. If you don't, you are complicit (in the eyes of SS). If you do, you could well have the guardianship.

You're clearly a caring grandmother and as I said yesterday they are lucky to have you. But you really cannot let this go on any longer and your son really needs to get a grip.

@TabbyMumz

How funny....."think before you post!!", how funny and rude. My post stated how it used to be poo pood as was dangerous. I didn't refer to ages. I was commenting on how it's now a "thing". Even giving it a posh name and making out its trendy to "cool sleep". Lots of people slept with their child until they were warned of the risks

Rude? How? my post was neither rude nor funny. It was merely stating facts and encouraging you think about what you post before you do so.

Actually, what you said was: Com sleeping was poo pool's a long time ago because of cot death. I'm amazed its come back as a thing. She needs to learn to sleep in her own bed, and yes it could become weird as she gets older, or he gets a girlfriend

Co-sleeping was poo-poo'd a long time ago because of cot death? No details. Nothing. No mention of age despite the OP mentioning the young girl is 2 years old. Which could lead plenty of people to misinterpret that as 'any co-sleeping at any point is wrong and will potentially result in infant death'.

I'm not enabling him

Of course you are by being always available to look after his child and by buying stuff for her so he can keep lots of spending money for booze and drugs.

Being reported to SS could be the kick up the bum he needs.
Clearly you are looking after the little girl well, so there's no reason SS would remove her from your home.

No not at all. My daughter is scared of the dark and has been having night terrors since she was 2, I co slept with her until my son was born and she’s still co sleeping with my husband, she’s 4.5 and still really anxious about being alone in the dark.
we’ve bought her a bed and going to re decorate soon and it’ll be quite a sad end to the co sleeping journey for my husband I think! They’re not little for long!

If I called SS they would take her off him and if I got guardianship he wouldn't be able to see GD (I don't think).

As I said in my other post he is a brilliant dad when he's looking after her and isn't going out for a drink or taking drugs or getting me to look after her.

@ExpertPuppy but what happens when you’re not there to sensor that?

So that's almost none of the time that he's a brilliant dad.
SS would see she's well looked after with you and would tell him to smarten his ideas up.
Why would SS take her away from your home?

Forget the co-sleeping.
It's everything else about this situation that's concerning.

'If I called SS they would take her off him and if I got guardianship he wouldn't be able to see GD (I don't think)'

SS do all they can to keep children with family. Yes he would have to go, but she can stay with you. Not much different to what's happening now!

Surely the safety of your GD is the most important thing?! What if, as others have said, he has a bad line? What if he dies and she sees that? What if some coke falls out of his pocket and she eats it??

'As I said in my other post he is a brilliant dad when he's looking after her and isn't going out for a drink or taking drugs or getting me to look after her'

But he's taking drugs and drinking more than he's not! Can you not see that??? He is a shit Dad more than a brilliant Dad!! He is also putting his daughter second to drink and drugs. Drinking and taking drugs isn't NORMAL, yet you are acting like it is?!

YOU are allowing him to do that by looking after his daughter, probably not charging him rent/bills so his money goes on that shit!

SS NEED to get involved if you feel his behaviour is normal and acceptable!

I thought they would take her away because she would think the only parent isn't looking after her and they might thinks she's in danger.

If you keep on facilitating the situation then it is much more likely that long term SS would look on it badly. If you act now in the best interest of your Grandaughter then they will see that and work with you.

She IS in danger!!! From your son!

You need to get them involved, put yourself forward as a guardian, and kick him out.

They will keep her with you as long as there aren't any other issues of concern as you are her birth GM.

He has no money yet he does coke twice a week, that's at the very least £100, and he drinks 4 nights, enough to be hungover, so that's £30 each time as a minimum, £120. So about £240 a week on drink and drugs. I'm assuming he doesn't pay you rent or contribute to bills. He's a 19 y/o who needs to grow up. If he has sole custody of his daughter it is his responsibility to be trying to find a home for them and coming home after work, sober, and looking after her. Why are you allowing this? Get SS involved if you have to. It is not fair on a child to grow up like that. I was a single parent at 19, I didn't behave like this, it's not ok.

At the end of the day, if the baby is loved and fed and secure, that’s a damn sight better than what would happen if she was fostered.

OP, your son sounds like a good hearted young man. If it were my daughter or son I wouldn’t have a problem with them going out a couple of nights a week . They are young, I wouldn’t want them to have a miserable, friendless life because of one stupid mistake. The odd line of coke on a Saturday night I could live with too.

Four nights a week is a bit excessive though. I’d be asking him to dial it down.