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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

What Would You Do

199 replies

sunshinesupermum · 09/09/2019 10:23

Sorry in advance for longish post but don't want to dripfeed. This is really a WWYD as I would welcome advice. This is rather a first world problem I know but it is affecting my relationship with my DD and OH.

For the at 10 years since my divorce I have been in a relationship with a French guy whose home is in Paris. I spend most of my time there and DD2 (34 years old) whose job is in London lives in the 2 bed flat I own there. She pays rent, buys all her own food, does her laundry etc. So far so good.

My OH comes over to London a few times a year usually for a week but longer in the summer hols and Xmas. He and DD rub along well enough but DD is so used to living alone that she finds it difficult when he stays.

We have a separate bathroom but the only shower is in the ensuite in my bedroom. DD insists on a shower every morning before work (around 7.30 - 8.00) when we are still asleep. She doesn't disturb us but she is now asking me to 'make sure OH is up/dressed in the mornings' so she can have her shower!

WWYD/answer?

OP posts:
Original poster
sunshinesupermum · 09/09/2019 13:50

PaintedMaypole will do.

OP posts:
Original poster
sunshinesupermum · 09/09/2019 13:51

I’d also warn dd that you’re going to be in London a lot more.

Will be doing this.

OP posts:
DishingOutDone · 09/09/2019 13:51

Dishing Just what I was thinking of doing! Not.

YABVVVVVU. Wink

(Oh and cancel the cheque)

chickenyhead · 09/09/2019 13:54

What if DD gets a BF?????????????????

He/she will also be traipsing through your bedroom

Grin
Original poster
sunshinesupermum · 09/09/2019 13:57

chickennyhead this has recently happened !!!!!

First guy she's developed a relationship with for 10 years - he's very nice but yes there has been one occasion already when he's had to leave very early to get to work and guess what had to have a shower first!!!

OP posts:
FinallyHere · 09/09/2019 14:03

had to have a shower first!!!

Sorry @sunshinesupermum you are in ' no good deed goes unpunished ' territory now.

chickenyhead · 09/09/2019 14:05

@sunshinesupermum

Paaaaahahahahaha over my corpse would that ever happen OMFG

How did you first meet DSIL ...oh, he came in to my bedroom to use my bathroom, even though there is a perfectly adequate alternative....

Can you be my mum please

Sparklypurpleunicornsaremyfav · 09/09/2019 14:06

sailing are you saying a grown woman can't sleep with a long term partner in her own home just because of her adult child????? Should she just be single for the rest of her life after a traumatic divorce??? What if it was the daughter sleeping with her partner, would that be yuck?! For a 47 year old you sound very immature.
As for the daughter suffering anxiety, I suffer from acute general anxiety disorder, I have tried all sorts of therapies but I have three children, a house and a job that I am perfectly capable of managing, I am the same age as the daughter. We don't all need mollycoddling and wrapping in cotton wool, we still are functioning people.
Op, you've had some great suggestions and I think you've been a great support to your daughter, unfortunately I now think she has gotten so used to having her own way she's become rather selfish. Good luck in finding a solution everyone is happy with 😊

Original poster
sunshinesupermum · 09/09/2019 14:08

I know chickenyhead Hilarious isn't it. Thing is DD can't see what is wrong here!

And yes, happy to be your mum too.

OP posts:
timeisnotaline · 09/09/2019 14:09

Her bf has to shower in your en-suite too?? Can she just grow up and move out already? I think it might be the only way.

And for this the thought of MY mother sleeping with her boyfriend next door turns my stomach, and I wouldn't like it in my family home, absolutely not. Yuck is definitely a word I would use, and that was the polite version
Rolling on the floor laughing that this poster might be telling the truth about being genuinely middle aged, not a preteen or teen. I guess it’s 50 is the new 15...

Original poster
sunshinesupermum · 09/09/2019 14:10

Thank you sparkly I agree DD has got used to having her own way insofar it is her home as well as mine!

Wishing you well too xx

OP posts:
Bibidy · 09/09/2019 14:10

God there are some weird comments on this thread!

This is a 34 year old woman we're talking about here, not a teenager. Anyone living with parents at that age is usually living a very independent life with all parties about to go about their lives as they please.

She's not a needy child who desperately needs OP's time when she's over! There is no reason OP shouldn't be able to bring her partner with her when she's home.

TheRebelAlliance · 09/09/2019 14:12

Can you swap the bath for a shower if no-one uses a bath? or swap them over?

I have an ensuite with free standing bath (not shower) it is very luxurious and all mine!

Original poster
sunshinesupermum · 09/09/2019 14:12

Serious discussion about the future to take place when I get home later this week. Now contacting builder to see about second shower.

OP posts:
chickenyhead · 09/09/2019 14:13

Thanks mum, pass this on to DSis please

Biscuit

(Will pop the laundry round laterGrin)

Original poster
sunshinesupermum · 09/09/2019 14:21

I love my bath - no-one is taking that away from me TheRebelAlliance

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Original poster
sunshinesupermum · 09/09/2019 14:22

chickenyhead there is no option for me to do your laundry lol

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chickenyhead · 09/09/2019 14:26

Oh ok, got to push a boundary or two.

Good luck, it will be fine Flowers

Original poster
sunshinesupermum · 09/09/2019 14:28

I have had enough boundary probs already as you can see chickeny
Ta for flowers, much appreciated.

OP posts:
Stinkycatbreath · 09/09/2019 14:35

I have a very good shower which fits to the bath taps and is wall mounted. Could this not be a solution?

Original poster
sunshinesupermum · 09/09/2019 14:50

Stinkycatbreath we already have that - it's a proper shower that's needed - just contacted my builder to ask him to come and quote.

OP posts:
morrisseysquif · 09/09/2019 14:51

OK, I am with the she is taking the poss brigade!

BUT on a practical note, until she pays for the new shower/changes rooms/moves out/ takes a bath etc, how about a screen placed in such a way you get privacy?

morrisseysquif · 09/09/2019 14:54

Hmm, sorry, realised no changing rooms, that won't work.

EKGEMS · 09/09/2019 15:13

Good grief sailing get off the pot you've hijacked this thread enough! Go dock your boat

Original poster
sunshinesupermum · 09/09/2019 15:53

UPDATE Thanks to the sensible suggestions I emailed DD with the option of possibly having a shower in the bathroom (no mention of who pays, yet!) this is her reply

Oh wow, that's a good idea. Ok I will try to have evening showers and wash my hair using the handheld shower in the mornings.

I'll be taking the next step re DP and me spending more time in London soon ;-)

Sailing As you can see you have no need to worry about my relationship with my DD.

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