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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think that no one, absolutely no one can understand my devastation.....

195 replies

Toooldtobearsed2 · 08/09/2019 16:47

Crap subject, I know. But we currently have a touring caravan which is sited in a beautiful part of the country.
We go there for, perhaps, 6 weeks in total throughout the year, but split into 2 or 3 ight stays iyswim.
DH has complained ad nauseum about not being able to sleep, getting tight chested ( hay fever) and being uncomfortable.
I am not a bitch. If he hates it, it simply does not work. So, we are selling said van. Tomorrow, 3 sets of potential buyers are viewing. We will get a sale - it is a huge bargain.
I cannot stop crying. This is my happy place, where I can truly relax, walk for miles, eat delicious food, flump.
It is the right thing to do. I know that. But it is breaking my heart.
First world problems and all that. Just wanted to spread my misery😄

OP posts:
picklemepopcorn · 09/09/2019 18:55

I think it's the caravan, the cushions and fabrics can cause problems. OP has done the right thing, and dragonfly's advice was spot on.

OP, if you are still there (and I get why you wouldn't be) what about a beach hut?

FelicisNox · 09/09/2019 19:02

Ignore this lot.... you're not allowed a misery post. God forbid you should have any kind of right to have moan about anything.

My DH also has the worlds worst hayfever.. he can't see, he can't breathe properly, he can't sleep and even the barrage of steroids only just turn him into some kind of barely functioning being. But no matter how you explain it to non sufferers they insist that surely it can't be THAT bad and there must be SOMETHING that works.

It is and there isn't people so pipe TF down.

I also get why you don't want to go without him. We often spend time apart and obviously have our own interests but we like to holiday together and there is nothing controlling or co dependent about it: that's love and marriage and if this bunch of lemon suckers prefer to be away from their hubs, I reckon it speaks volumes about THEIR relationships.

Be sad, grieve, find a hobby you can do together. Life evolves. Try and see it as a next adventure.

Why don't you spend some of the money on a holiday? We're going to Krakow in December to see the xmas market... no hayfever there. 😁

Ravenblack · 09/09/2019 19:02

@Toooldtobearsed2 I also don't get why your DH's needs trump yours. Bollocks to that. Keep the caravan! And go on your own. Also, why do you go only 6 weeks a year?

Also, I don't believe he has much wrong with him. He is probably just bored with going and doesn't want to go anymore. And you said 'Oh, is it because I consider the feelings of those I love, and have loved for 41 years?' But what about him considering YOU? Or does he always expect his wishes to trump yours?

My DH used to refuse to go abroad when we first met - we met some 30 years ago - because he was scared of flying, and scared to go on a boat. For the first 10 years we were together, he refuses, so it was always bastard RHYL or fucking BORTH.

SO when I threatened to go with our 2 kids without him (to Italy for a week,) he sulked like a little bitch, and said it was mean for us to go without him. I said 'sorry, but we are not suffering because of you, and his hang-ups and fears.' He said 'go on then, I dare you!'

So I booked the trip for me and our 2 kids. He was stunned, and really upset and pissed off. The next day, he begged me to add him to the booking as he didn't want to be left out. We have been abroad a dozen times since; the last 3 or 4 on our own as the kids have left home now.

As a pp said, it seems like you have been together since your mid teens, and know nothing else but being with him. Does he put himself before you, ever?

Original poster
Toooldtobearsed2 · 09/09/2019 19:05

just wanted to wrap this up and thank everone who posted.
The van has gone.
I was emotional when i posted yesterday, i am still upset, but know it was the right thing to do.
My health issues had no bearing on the sale. I rather stupidly spat all of that out in response to a post I read earlier today.
My DH would quite happily soldier on to allow me to be happy. But I can see the pain he is inm, and yes, he does tell me, because thats what adults do.
Me: are you okay love, you dont look comfortable.
Him: just the hip, nowt new, jut need to move.

And then he does. Except there is nothng to move to in a caravan. I can hear him wheezing. He has been to the docs. He does not have asthma, and has been told to just take antihistimines. They dont work.
He is not happy, so, therefore, I am not.

Yes, I could go alone. I dont want to. This man has loved and supported me through thick and thin, and I him.

I do appreciate your posts, and not only the supportive ones, the others gave me lause for thought. Momentarily.

On reflection, I should not have posted. Wine had been taken and I wanted an outlet. MN and particularly aibu has never been that 😁

I genuinely do appreciate your responses, we are back at home now and I have a sick donkey to take my mind off things😟

OP posts:
bellabasset · 09/09/2019 19:18

I don't think your decision was wrong but that doesn't mean you can't have regrets. My dh was sports mad so we would meet up after he saw cricket or rugby etc but I went away with my dsis.

I met my dh as a teenager but I was widowed before my 58th birthday so didn't have the opportunity to grow old together.

NoSauce · 09/09/2019 19:18

Just rtft.

Oh OP. I feel for you and for DH too. It sounds like it’s the best thing all round. You’ll have so many happy memories to look back on and talk about. I hope you manage to have many more happy years somewhere just as lovely but without the wheezing GrinWineFlowers

dottiedodah · 09/09/2019 19:19

As someone else says ,why not move it to a different location?.Seaside campsites are fairly allergen free!.Seems a great pity to have to sell your "happy place " when all you need is a change of site!

viques · 09/09/2019 19:26

I used to get really bad hay fever, always found it got better at the seaside. Any chance you could find another place to put a van near the sea?

DistanceCall · 09/09/2019 19:31

I'm very sorry that you're having to sell something you love.

As you know, though, people are not replaceable, but things are. I hope you are able to find something else you love just as much, which you and your husband can both enjoy.

It might be worth starting to think about that - what can you afford, and what do you think you might like?

morrisseysquif · 09/09/2019 19:32

Get him a tent.

If you ever break up, you will need that caravan.

TiredyMcTired · 09/09/2019 19:33

OP, don’t know if you are still picking up posts on the thread, hope you are? I just wanted to give you the virtual pat on the back that you needed. I totally get it, me and DH had a caravan for a few years and I absolutely loved it... the idea of getting away to the beach at the end of the week and just chilling out was fabulous and I used to sleep like a lot in the van after all the fresh air (and wine!). DH hated it, he hated setting up the van, the lack of space, the fact that the toilet was small, the awning clinking on the frame in a breeze... We sold the van over 10 years ago and I still think of it wistfully. I agreed to sell it because, like you, I love spending time with DH and we needed to find things we both enjoyed for time away together. So I really feel for you & hope you are OK after some of the snotty posts on this thread Flowers

Ravenblack · 09/09/2019 19:33

@Toooldtobearsed2 That's that then.

Your DH got his own way.

At least HE is happy eh?! Hmm

TriciaH87 · 09/09/2019 19:36

Keep it he can sleep in bed and breakfast whilst your there. Or a tent.

EllenMP · 09/09/2019 19:40

I would sell it too. If your DH's happiness didn't matter to you you wouldn't have married him, right? Nothing wrong with being thoughtful towards your spouse, especially when he has tried. I don't understand all these people saying to go there on your own. To me that is not how marriage works. So I would sell it too. But I would also be sad about it. So please accept my sympathy if no one else's.

But, it's time to find a new happy place that the two of you can enjoy equally. And relish looking for it together. I'm sure you will find somewhere wonderful that will mean a lot to both of you.

ScreamingLadySutch · 09/09/2019 19:43

Flixonase. Now available OTC.

Bit uncomfortable spraying it up our nose (you get used to it) but ... Miracule cure for hay fever. From itchy eyes to post nasal drip and everything in between After 5 days, you can't even remember you were allergic to anything.

(and unlike tablets, it is not metabolised in the liver. It stays in the ENT)

TheBigBallOfOil · 09/09/2019 19:44

I am truly sorry you met with some appalling treatment here op. You and your dh sound like you have a lovely marriage.
Some people here need to be looking at themselves very hard and asking why they felt compelled to be so utterly foul. Take it to the Brexit threads FFS

Tubs11 · 09/09/2019 19:44

OP sounds like you're winning at life! Giving up the caravan is a testament to the strength of your relationship. I'm sure you'll find a new destination that you can both enjoy and the caravan will be a distant memory.

Ravenblack · 09/09/2019 19:47

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Irishbookworm · 09/09/2019 19:51

Ah OP, sorry you’re losing your happy place. That’s really rubbish for you. Hopefully with the money from the sale you can both do something nice 💐 🍷

ProhibitedRodent · 09/09/2019 19:54

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Phineyj · 09/09/2019 19:55

Just wondered if you'd considered simply renting a camper van from time to time? We've done this a few times. I chatted to the owners of the last one and they'd done the maths and said they'd need to spend 8 weeks a year using theirs for it to be cheaper than renting. Anyway, from a financial point of view it probably was best to sell. My parents did the same with their boat when they started to age. They still look back on the time they had it with affection.

Original poster
Toooldtobearsed2 · 09/09/2019 20:11

@54ProhibitedRodent yep, well done - you can count. I ran away from an abusive hime at 16 and met DH. We married 11months later.
I would freak at hearing anyone marrying so young too, but it has worked for us.

Dont even understand the bit about my bad language. My swearing? Really? How long have you been on MN? Or my use of language - not up to standard?

Buggering bollocks😁

OP posts:
Original poster
Toooldtobearsed2 · 09/09/2019 20:14

@55Phineyj yes - thank you! That is the plan at the moment. We are saving £1800 a year on site fees, so will be spending it on statics.
Before i get flack, I am sure seasoned users will agree that seating in statics as well as beds are larger and more comfortable. Worth a try anyway!
Thank you for the idea.

OP posts:
TumblingTumbleWeeds · 09/09/2019 20:22

I bought a 3" or was it a 4" latex rubber mattress topper for my bed and it's fantastic. Instead of sinking into a memory foam topper I can bounce around with this one. Great for turning over or bouncing out of bed. I has serious back, joint problems and my own formally comfy bed had become a torture chamber for me.

momtoboys · 09/09/2019 20:22

:)