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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think that no one, absolutely no one can understand my devastation.....

195 replies

Toooldtobearsed2 · 08/09/2019 16:47

Crap subject, I know. But we currently have a touring caravan which is sited in a beautiful part of the country.
We go there for, perhaps, 6 weeks in total throughout the year, but split into 2 or 3 ight stays iyswim.
DH has complained ad nauseum about not being able to sleep, getting tight chested ( hay fever) and being uncomfortable.
I am not a bitch. If he hates it, it simply does not work. So, we are selling said van. Tomorrow, 3 sets of potential buyers are viewing. We will get a sale - it is a huge bargain.
I cannot stop crying. This is my happy place, where I can truly relax, walk for miles, eat delicious food, flump.
It is the right thing to do. I know that. But it is breaking my heart.
First world problems and all that. Just wanted to spread my misery😄

OP posts:
DragonflyInn · 08/09/2019 17:08

Just to add, I’d probably feel the same as you re going alone. I’m more than happy to have various trips without DH but if it’s a regular thing, that’s probably time we’d choose to spend together.

bluebeck · 08/09/2019 17:09

I don't understand.

He cannot go, but why don't you keep it and use it alone or with your mates? He would be sad - well OK. But you appear to be incredibly sad about losing it. Don't your feelings count?

mrsnoodle55 · 08/09/2019 17:10

Does it have to be so black and white? I don’t understand why it’s such a big deal to keep it for your enjoyment.

I’ve got a touring caravan, my partner hates it. Which is fine; I tow it, take the kids/my mum/sister/ friends. I don’t go for weeks at a time, and it’s no big deal. It really is a non event; I love it, he hates it, so we don’t go together. We go on other holidays together.

I bet you could find other types of holidays you both enjoy in addition to the caravan, if you can afford it I’d keep it for yourself.

Shockers · 08/09/2019 17:10

Sorry- I’ve just seen that you’ve already tried that.

I’m currently waiting for a hip replacement- I have my pre-op appointment next week 🤞. I honestly wouldn’t make any big decisions until he’s had the op. I can’t sleep because of the pain; I’m thoroughly miserable a lot of the time, and I’ve made a few terrible work decisions based on my current state of mind (I’ve been like this for at least two years). The pain is soul destroying, so he’s probably just focused on staying comfortable at the moment. Hopefully things will change after the op. I’m counting on that personally!

Original poster
Toooldtobearsed2 · 08/09/2019 17:13

Thank you for your responses. I think @05DragonflyInn has it, and I need to find a new happy place.
I truly understand the responses saying go on your own/get better hay fever remedies etc. but it aint happening. We have tried mattress toppers, we have tried night nurse(seriously, dont), he has taken piriton, has tried everything to make me happy, and has said to go on my own, with the dogs, and enjoy. But i wont! I enjoy our time spent together.
Best to just let this post lie here. There is no 'solution'. I just wanted a whinge....

OP posts:
DontFeedTheCatCake · 08/09/2019 17:13

I'd cancel the viewings and keep it until he's had his hip done. Then revisit the decision. In the meantime I know you said you like spending time with him, but why not go for a few days here and there on your own? My DH loves camping, I hate it. He goes on his own. We enjoy time together but it's great that he can still do something he loves, even though it's on his own.

Batshittery · 08/09/2019 17:13

Ah it's not a daft post OP. You are entitled to have a moan/rant. Have some of these Thanks

badgermushrooms · 08/09/2019 17:13

I wasn't having a go. I just thought you sounded like you were making yourself unhappy unnecessarily. I like to spend time with my DH too but we sometimes like different things and so we sometimes spend time apart enjoying those things.

Mishappening · 08/09/2019 17:13

We had to sell our little caravan to by a new boiler! Broke my heart. The children had such a wonderful time - we would just pop away for the weekend if the weather looked good; and they would use it as a playhouse when it was at home.

It is one of the big regrets of my life that we had to sell it. Honestly, I really would keep it if I were you and have the occasional break on your own.

Is he allergic to the caravan, or generally allergic to grass, hay etc.? Does he stay indoors all summer? I am not sure what the problem is here, but I would advise you to find a way to keep the caravan.

namechanging2019 · 08/09/2019 17:14

You don't sound like a fully fledged adult.

Pavlova31 · 08/09/2019 17:14

Maybe reconsider selling Op as you sound quite undecided to me.
As has already been said perhaps move it to a location less likely to trigger an allergy and perhaps consider renting it out ?

Disfordarkchocolate · 08/09/2019 17:15

Well, I wouldn't sell based on your posts. Wait till he has the op and look for a decent chair that rises and reclines.

Ariela · 08/09/2019 17:16

Hang on a minute...can you relocate the caravan to a coastal site. Somewhere by the sea is usually FAR lower pollen count as the sea breeze keeps the pollen levels lower than inland.
I'd investigate and try this before selling, as a good compromise.
There are maps online of lower pollen areas.

SofiaAmes · 08/09/2019 17:17

I sold two vintage cars I was very attached to because my H didn't like them. Well now he's my exH and I wish I had my cars. Keep the caravan unless you desperately need the money. Maybe your dc's (if you have any) will want to use it when they are teenagers. Or your dh will feel better after the hip replacement, or you will just need a place to go on your own sometimes. Don't sell is my advice.

Mummyoflittledragon · 08/09/2019 17:18

Don’t sell it. You may find he’s better after the op. You would be better to buy a decent mattress for him even if you end up sleeping separately. Use pillows to make the sofa more comfortable. I have fibromyalgia and chronic pain. I understand agony. As for the hay fever I’d start looking For solutions to help eg medication, diet, supplements etc.

SusieOwl4 · 08/09/2019 17:19

so when he is at home he does not have these problems?

wigglybeezer · 08/09/2019 17:19

It gets expensive, paying seasonal pitch fees, insurance, servicing etc. If youre going to use it less it does become poor value for money.
I get tearful thinking about selling our folding camper, I love it but DH does not have enough free weekends these days and the kids are too old to want to come. I could stay onmyown but it's more fun with DH. We only used it for three days this season but I'm still reluctant to part with it so. I completely understand, feel free to moan.

PotteringAlong · 08/09/2019 17:22

Is it the caravan or the site? Surely if it’s a touring caravan it’s worth trying another site first?

TheMustressMhor · 08/09/2019 17:22

If it's a touring caravan why don't you just move it somewhere your husband likes and doesn't get allergies in?

I cannot understand the misery you're going through TBH.

Tippety · 08/09/2019 17:23

Unless you really need the money keep it for now.

ineedaholidaynow · 08/09/2019 17:24

As others have said is it possible to move it somewhere DH won't suffer as much? Can you rent it out until DH has had his op? Is there something in the location which he is particularly allergic to?

LadyMacbethWasMisunderstood · 08/09/2019 17:24

I do understand. Sometimes our happy place needs to change. Mine has had to this year. It is hard though. And one requires resilience that can be difficult to find. I get it. It is not easy. Change never is. Almost never is anyway. But if your partner is supportive generally you will hopefully be able to find a place together. I wish you well.

LadyMacbethWasMisunderstood · 08/09/2019 17:25

I should add that I’d keep the caravan for now and see how things are next year unless you really need the money.

Original poster
Toooldtobearsed2 · 08/09/2019 17:26

@14namechanging2019 explain please? Go on. Tell me. I am interested in how I managed to get to 58 years old and not being a fully fledged adult.

Oh, is it because I consider the feelings of those I love, and have loved for 41 years?

No. Probably cos bein a wummin and all that, I am supposed to not give a fuck about the feelings of those closest to me?

Well. Congratulations, you have made me feel better about selling up. And sadder about the life you must lead where you give not a fuck about anyone else.

Apologies to everyone else - i have taken on board what has been said. I KNOW selling up is the right thing for us personally. It still fucking hurts and I just wanted to vent.

OP posts:
indianbackground · 08/09/2019 17:28

OP from what you are saying you and DH have tried to make this work and although it is is a happy place for you it isn’t truly as happy without DH there.

It’s fine being sad about that. It’s fine having a go going there on your own or with friends, but don’t feel pressured into that.

Could you try relocating (for the allergy) and see what it is like after the hip replacement?

If not feel sad, begin thinking of things you both enjoy, particularly after the hip replacement and recovery.