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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think that no one, absolutely no one can understand my devastation.....

195 replies

Toooldtobearsed2 · 08/09/2019 16:47

Crap subject, I know. But we currently have a touring caravan which is sited in a beautiful part of the country.
We go there for, perhaps, 6 weeks in total throughout the year, but split into 2 or 3 ight stays iyswim.
DH has complained ad nauseum about not being able to sleep, getting tight chested ( hay fever) and being uncomfortable.
I am not a bitch. If he hates it, it simply does not work. So, we are selling said van. Tomorrow, 3 sets of potential buyers are viewing. We will get a sale - it is a huge bargain.
I cannot stop crying. This is my happy place, where I can truly relax, walk for miles, eat delicious food, flump.
It is the right thing to do. I know that. But it is breaking my heart.
First world problems and all that. Just wanted to spread my misery😄

OP posts:
BouleBaker · 08/09/2019 18:38

After 3 lovely years we had to sell our touring caravan (damp got in) and I was in tears. The kids were in tears too. I know exactly how you feel. I have consoled myself with the fact that it was costing us £1000 a year to store and service it and for that money I can hire one when I want one. It won’t be my own, but I won’t have the upkeep that goes with it too. Maybe you could try this once he’s had the op.

BringMeAGinandTonic · 08/09/2019 18:40

OP, I hope you can find a new lovely place for you and DH to enjoy. Hugs.

KatewithaH · 08/09/2019 18:49

I don’t see what you have done wrong in posting. Would you be able to move your n to a site nearer home and DH could join you first and last day, is it the different area you like or just being away from home? I am sorry you are losing your valued place and the peace that goes with it.

Schoolwasnohelp · 08/09/2019 18:52

We sold our caravan a couple of years ago because we now have teenagers who would rather watch paint dry than sit in our happy place ( seasonal pitch). DH and I were both upset but actually haven’t missed it as much as we thought. What we have done is gone on weekend breaks once every six weeks, either hotel or cottages, using the money the van pitch, insurance etc was costing to do this. We have been to loads of new places, and the kids have loved it. We’ve also found a new happy place on one of these trips, and it’s in day trip distance, so we can go there regularly without the teenagers. It’s actually worked out better for us. I realise your circumstances are different, but hopefully you will find new places you love too.
I wouldn’t have wanted to go without DH either, OP, other than when the kids were small, but not on my own, hat would have defeated the object.

zafferana · 08/09/2019 18:56

It's okay to be sad OP if this is the place that makes you happy. How long does your DH have to wait for his hip replacement? Once that's done could you go back to this area and perhaps rent a cottage instead, which would perhaps be better for his hay fever? It would be such a shame if you had to give up going to this area you love, but if your DH could be more comfortable perhaps you could find a more suitable way to holiday there?

TheKitchenWitch · 08/09/2019 18:57

Aw, that's crap OP. I also have a Happy Place and tbh I can't imagine having to part with it.
Can i ask are you selling it because it's costing too much to keep if you don't use it much? Because if you can keep it, I'd do that and as other posters have suggested maybe rent it out to cover costs? Because hips can be replaced, and the hay fever might get better (my ddad's completely disappeared as he got older!)....

Or, as others have said, maybe it's time for a new happy place that will suit both of you :)

BackOnceAgainWithABurnerEmail · 08/09/2019 18:57

I think people here don’t understand the cost of a caravan. They are ££££ to buy, £££ to insure, £££ to service and £££ to store. Having one, not including the cost of buying it is, for most people, the best part of a grand a year before you’ve gone anywhere. It would be a fuck-off expensive shed and may well mean no money for any other holiday.

You’re doing the right thing, try to think about the good times you have had there!

ProperVexed · 08/09/2019 18:59

I understand you. Sometimes you have to give up happy things for the sake of all. It's hard. We gave up our caravan when our children become utter bastard teenagers. I still miss it. But I have new happy places now. There are new things out there for you...you will find them when you are ready. In the meantime have another glass of wine.💐

yulet · 08/09/2019 19:01

Holy SHIT what is happening to mumsnet?

The OP didn't come on here looking to ditch her husbands, she just felt sad about having to let go of something. A bit like some people will buy a decent family car and lose the one they loved.

Some of these posts are just weirdly stupidly aggressive.

I get it OP - change is hard, and sad, but how lovely that you have a marriage you love and you'll soon find another happy place I'm sure.

ssd · 08/09/2019 19:02

I get it op. I don't have a caravan but it sounds great. But if it doesn't work for you both it doesn't work at all.
What a shame!!

0lga · 08/09/2019 19:03

Piriton is a very old fashioned treatment for hay fever - is that really what his GP prescribed?

He should be taking a better antihistamine plus nose spray and eye drops. He needs to take them every day and not just on the 2-3 days you go to the caravan - the tablets take time to work.

thenightsky · 08/09/2019 19:06

Sympathies from me OP. Its a horrible feeling of loss when you have to finally give in and move on. I had to sell my very old, very impractical car last week and I still get a heartache feeling when I glance out of the window and she's not in her parking place Sad.

Sympathies to your DH too. I'm a hayfever suffer and currently waiting on a hip replacement too (October fingers crossed). I have a big firm memory foam cushion that I carry everywhere in a cross-body bag (restaurants, bars, other people's houses). Can only walk half a mile max before I have to sit down. Sleeping is a nightmare. Every movement wakes me up.

Bluetrews25 · 08/09/2019 19:10

I get it. I used to love scooting off to the caravan with DH and DCs, getting away from everything (this was in the days before mobiles or when there was really patchy reception) and going to the same site in Anglesey where we had it for every summer season. Peace and quiet....with our friends and the DCs.
We gave up when we finally had enough of going to the same place and didn't have the time to get away so often.
Shame that you've not been able to reach the fed up stage, which would make it easier for you.
One of my caravan buddies has a hot tub now, and it is her relaxing place. (You'd never get me in it) How about one of them? It might help you relax, the water noise is soothing, and it may ease the hip pain. You don't have to be noisy or have sex in it. Grin

ConfCall · 08/09/2019 19:13

I agree with the minority. Sell it. I think it’s the right decision OP.

Circumstances have changed and it’s tine to move forward, with new kinds of holidays to experience.

It’s fine to feel wistful though!

Good luck

Batshittery · 08/09/2019 19:13

OP you have nothing to apologise for. Some weird posts on this thread, even for AIBU.

NomDeQwerty · 08/09/2019 19:16

Someone early on in the thread named a drug I've heard really really good things about. Please make sure he's tried it before you sell the caravan. Also when he's had a new hip the sitting and lying down aren't insurmountable issues.
If all else fails and you have to sell, make sure you have a replacement 'thing' lined up to take some of the sting away. Eg I'm taking away some of the awfulness of having to sell my much loved family home by promising myself the little motor home I've always wanted from some of the proceeds.

ThisHereMamaBear · 08/09/2019 19:28

Oh, can I buy your van?

KickAssAngel · 08/09/2019 19:30

Sell it.

Earmark the money in a 'trips and fun' pot somehow.

Spend it on nice b&b places. DD sometimes gets horrific hayfever - barely able to breath - and no drug helps her. BUT walking along the seafront is fine. So, find some nice seaside places you like, and spend your money going there. The beds will be more comfortable for DH, and you could discover 2 or 3 happy places to return to. Think happy thoughts about walking over clifftops with the dogs running around.

compulsiveliar2019 · 08/09/2019 19:43

Could you buy the same mattress that you have at home for the caravan? Would that help? If it's a different sized bed could you either get the mattress altered or sell this caravan and replace it with another that suits both your needs better?

HotChocolateLover · 08/09/2019 19:48

Some posters are being really mean. Maybe they’re just bitter because you’re happy with someone you love. If I were you i’d keep The van for a bit and decide in a few weeks/months whether it was still what I wanted.

billy1966 · 08/09/2019 19:57

OP, totally get it.

Feel very sorry for you.
It's horrible when the right thing to do is the last thing you want to do.

💐

Sparklingbrook · 08/09/2019 20:02

I totally understand OP. i wouldn't want to holiday without DH either.

elastamum · 08/09/2019 20:09

I feel for you. My DP needed a hip replacement. We had 2 years where we couldn't do a lot of things we loved and he was in a lot of pain. He eventually applied for a cancellation and got his hip done just before Christmas on 24hours notice. It has transformed his life! We have just got back from 2 weeks holiday where we walked 10 miles a day. I would focus on getting his hip done and life will get so much better.

DifficultSituation19 · 08/09/2019 20:15

I’d keep it if you love it so much. I adore my caravan, it’s not sited in the same place, I use it for festivals and taking the kids away, but I love it so much. Totally get why you don’t want to sell it. Your DH could maybe come just for a day to see you while you’re there, to minimise his symptoms?

vanillaicedtea · 08/09/2019 20:25

Could you not move it to a different but equally nice site where hayfever isn't as strong? Or keep it and do road trips in it across the country? It would be a real shame to sell something you love so much and worked hard to afford.

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